THE OLD MAN'S ANXIETY
I have come out,
I have come out searching for life
But I found nothing but death.
It has been in vain!
The fact has no shape but the curse
We live within its essence...
Joys fall upon sorrows
And life is filled with agonies and ecstasies...
He is sitting on broken pavement, miserable. He sighs and repeats, "Damn...damn... damn...." while thinking, "This madness must have been born with me and now I am vanishing into it." He gazes up and around the sanatorium and rehabilitation facility, while indulging in feelings of being besieged by the past that is haunting him. He is walking, staggering in the exile of memories, intoxicated with bitterness of a poison sucked from the lips of his previous mistress. His vision falls like the leaves in autumn, inducing him to expose himself totally. Bearing the burden of his sins, he cries. He can see himself growing older until he has become a sick old man and in the mirrors of the shade he sees himself being buried. He starts slipping on the dozing memory, thus he trembles and writhes....
He sat in the place he always did, cursing as usual. He gazed up at the sky and saw a flock of sparrows soaring, which brought him so many memories: The dancing sparrows, the angel woman Daphne, the song, Jacqueline, Ellyn, Patsy, Sophie, Selene, and the reveries. He sighed deeply, and wanted the whole world to hear him and feel his pain. One of the sparrows landed on the ground where he was sitting, fluttering its wing. The old man stood, walked cautiously towards it, trying not to frighten it. It kept fluttering its wing and as he got nearer, he saw tears falling from its eyes before it flew away. He recalled his poem, which he, wretched and miserable, had written when Patsy died. He started to recite it:
Ah! How hard is my grief
Afflicted with sorrowful pain!
Tomorrow the sparrows will cry
The lilies will die
Nymphs will halt their singing
I want to say farewell to the lilies
And print a kiss
Upon the lips of the poem and depart...
As he finished reciting it, he looked around and saw a meadow full of dead lilies. He sat back down, moaned, and murmured to himself, "My God, this must have been the sign of my death!" A cry came from deep within his soul as he felt the shadow of death appear. He dozed and saw a large crowd of demons and among the crowd was a wailing woman. She was weeping with great sorrow, mourning her daughter, and she would not be comforted.
They were assembled in a court, he was behind bars and everyone was shouting, "Kill him, he is a murderer."
The wailing woman approached and grasped him, crying, "Murderer, why did you kill my daughter? I hope God will send you to hell."
He fell on his knees, crying, trying to hide his face, and said, "Yes, I confess that I killed her, but I loved her too. I killed her once but she has been killing me all these years."
The demons are still yelling, "Kill him, he's a murderer!"
A cry came out, "Silence, please!" He raised his head up and looked. The crowd had vanished and in their place he saw two weird looking strangers. One of them was tall with a pair of huge black wings and the heads of Hydra, the nine-headed serpent. The other one was beautiful, with snow white wings and radiant features, like an angel. Both of them commanded him to come closer and said, "We are your deeds!" As he about to move, they flew into the air and started to fight each other. He stood still, amazed and frightened, watching the fight. The fight went on and on until they both were exhausted, but neither gaining an advantage.
An echoing cry was heard telling them to stop fighting. Thus God appeared as a ghostly gleam and His voice could be heard coming out of the light saying, "I shall cast thee out and send thee back to the earth."