The Straight-Up Truth About The Down-Low is a must read for all women. It was written by two women who have experienced the anguish and misery of being married to men on the down-low. They share from their hearts their stories and the stories of other women who have lived through this experience. They will address warning signs and answer many of your questions that have been ignored by other books written on the subject.
Imagine…..You have finally met Mr. Right. He’s handsome, sexy, charming, intelligent, articulate, and financially successful. He even portrays the role of an excellent father. He does not smoke, drink or use drugs and he has a decent credit history. You marry him and buy your dream house in the suburbs. Your children attend the best schools and you live in a wonderful neighborhood. You’re finally living the American dream, but one day you wake up and realize Your Prince Charming is really a lying Queen.
You can’t believe it. It can’t be true. No… not him and no not you, but deep in your heart, you know it’s true. All the pieces of the puzzle were there…. but, you couldn’t connect the dots because your heart refused to believe what your brain and your intuition were telling you. What happened to your dream, your life, your sense of security? Something has suddenly snatched it all away, but where were you? Why didn’t you see it coming?
You discover your husband is secretly sleeping with men. He is part of the secretive subculture known as the “down-low.” You feel shocked and disgusted, ashamed, humiliated, angry, stupid, foolish, victimized, hurt, betrayed, deceived, shattered, confused, devastated and used. You feel dirty, violated and terrified about the possibility of being infected with HIV or some other nasty STD. You find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, plunging deep into despair, desperate to get off. You search frantically for answers, validation for your feelings and
even something… anything to prove you wrong. You surf the net desperately seeking information. However, you discover that the on-line support groups are geared toward helping the gay person come to terms with their own sexuality, but nothing to help you. You’re left feeling ignored, overlooked and victimized all over again.
You anxiously search the bookstores and libraries looking for any books on the subject. After reading the various books on the down-low, you are still left very uninformed. You’ve read the book written by the gay man that actually faults the woman for one reason or another. When it comes to the black man, he even faults their culture. You’ve read “Mr. Down-low’s” point of view that almost glorifies the lifestyle and makes it sound like an exclusive fraternity. You’ve also been given the account of “Mr. Down-low’s” ex-wife who has forgiven and moved on twenty years after the experience. Although these books have been somewhat informative, they still have not touched on the real devastation left in the wake of this deceitful and cowardly lifestyle.
The purpose of this book is to provide support and resources for the wives, lovers and families that have been victimized by homosexual men masquerading as straight. Our intent is to educate and inform women that may encounter men on the down-low and support the women who have experienced it already. We believe the account of our experiences and what we have learned will bring about awareness and a heightened sense of self-responsibility. We believe our lives should be in our own hands and not in the hands of those who only speak about this subject to defend the down-low, to further misinform women and/or to make money. We have chosen to write this book in order to speak for ourselves and not allow someone else to tell our story.
Three years ago, Janine married Gary, her high school sweetheart. They bought a beautiful brand new home in the suburbs and Janine thought she was living the American dream. That is until the day she listened to Gary's voice messages and heard another man calling her husband, "baby." Janine's perfect dream world quickly turned into a devastating nightmare:
"One night, around midnight, I was lying in bed feeling extremely sad and lonely. I had been crying all day. My husband was sound asleep beside me. Something told me to listen to Gary's cell phone messages. I lay there for a while and contemplated what to do because I didn't want to violate his privacy. The voice became louder and told me to check his cell phone. I slid out of bed and took Gary's cell phone from his night table. I took it into the bathroom and listened to his messages from our children as well as other usual mundane messages. My hands were already shaking, it was almost as if I knew something disturbing was about to happen. Suddenly, I heard a man's voice calling my husband, "Baby." My heart started pounding, I couldn't breathe, and my body began to tremble from head to toe. Sabrina was married to Steve, a minister of their church:
"A few weeks after being told of my husband's secret homosexual escapades on the job, I was called into my pastor's study where he sadly informed me that there had been multiple reports of my husband trying to pick up men in the congregation. I was told that Steve had made subtle comments that were sexual in nature that left the men feeling funny. The pastor told me there were five men who had reported to him about Steve trying to seduce them. This was very humiliating because my husband was also a minister at the church. Guys had confessed their struggle with feelings of homosexuality with Steve and he betrayed their confidence and abused his position and used their secrets to set up his own homosexual network in the congregation. I was appalled, humiliated and sick to my stomach. Its one thing to do this cruel thing to me, but to disrespect God enough to use his ministerial standing and his authority in the church to fuel his own perversion was reprehensible.