I felt like I was reading a mystery novel instead of my sisters
journal, but these were my sisters words and they were true. I still
had hundreds of more pages, and several more journals to read
through, as well as her stack of poetry, a mixture of poems she had
copied, and poems she had written herself.
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Why did I have to continue to focus on the negative? Whycouldn’t I just saved the journal reading for another time andcelebrated my engagement? Why was I so mixed up?
“Sophia I don’t understand why I just couldn’t allow myself to behappy, instead I had to open up the ghosts once again, and makemyself feel depressed.”
Sophia moved closer to me letting me cry on her shoulder literally. I was glad she was there, glad I at least had Sophia and Jacob, it was important that we had each other. I could not get through this without them.
“The pain is still fresh Marishka, it hasn’t been two months since Anna’s death of course we are going to go on emotional rollercoaster rides, she was our sister and now she was gone.”
“Are you okay Marishka?” Jacob asked, seeing the dark circles under my eyes.
“Yes, I am fine thank you sweetheart, I just couldn’t sleep last night, so I stayed up reading, and I ended up reading some of Anna’s journal.”
“We need you to come down and identify the body, we are sure
it’s her, but it’s part of the procedure.”
The body, my sister was more than a body!
“I’m on my way.” I choked. Familiar with the routine, because I
had to make calls like this myself. I had worried that one day a call
about Anna would come, not this way though. I never imagined I
would get a call saying Anna had committed suicide, despite her way
of life I could not believe that.