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Alex Shaw

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Double Glazed
by Alex Shaw   

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Category: 

Play/Screenplay

Publisher:  CreateSpace ISBN-10:  1442175583 Type: 
Pages: 

60

Copyright:  september 2006 ISBN-13:  9781442175587
Fiction

Amazon

This is a Time-Travel Comedy stage play following the exploits of two Double Glazing (replacement windows) salesmen.

‘Double Glazed’ is a time travel comedy about two door to door Double Glazing salesmen who embark on a strange journey when they are given magic beans by a customer as a form of payment.  The beans are actually time travel pods and our heroes are suddenly thrown back in time to the Shakespearian age where they must find a way to help Willamina Shakespeare complete her latest play before returning once more to the twenty first century. However things go wrong and they are trapped in time…..

 

In addition to Willamina  Shakespeare and Queen Elizabeth I, the two salesmen encounter the President of Europe (in the 2650), Alien Security Guards, an Assassin/Hairdresser and the entire Royal Family of Atlantis.

Double Glazed will be available on Amazon.com within the next 14 days!!

Excerpt
Double Glazed. A Time Travel Comedy

Act One, Scene One

Curtains open. A spotlight rests upon the narrator standing in front of the closed curtains.

Narrator:

Ladies and gentlemen, dear friends. This is where the events of our play begin Worthing, West Sussex at the beginning of the twenty first century.
Two men, Huxley Scragge and Morris Kemp are about to stumble on the greatest secret that has ever and will ever exist. For today on this very stage these two men will learn the mysteries of time travel and like all great leaps forward in technology they will use it to sell Double Glazing!

The lights come up. The scene is of a facia of a two up two down house. Above the door reads the legend ‘Built in 1978’

Enter stage left, Huxley Scragge and Morris Kemp. Both are dressed in cheap suits. Huxley is older and is examining a list, Morris the young trainee is making notes.
Huxley
This is the first place Morris.
Morris
Right Mr Scragge.
Huxley
Now I know from what Mr Longman has told me that you have experience with dealing with members of the public?
Morris
Yes I worked for Sainsbury’s at Lyons Farm.
Huxley
Good. So you will be accustomed to the fact that members of the public can be frighteningly ugly? This is your first day in the field Morris and I don’t want you letting me or the company down.
Morris
I can cope Mr Scragge. I can’t see any customer being as ugly as my old boss. Caliban we used to call him, behind his back of course.
Huxley
What drank a lot of non-alcoholic beer did he?
Morris
No he was really ugly. Like Caliban from the Tempest.
Huxley
Tempest. That’s by J K Rowning isn’t?
Morris
Shakespeare.
Huxley
Oh, I never liked him. I only ever read one at school, ‘Oliver Twist’. Lots of communist stuff about workhouses and the poor. Not my taste.
Morris
(Sighs) No. Mr Scragge.
Huxley
Right. I’ll work on this client on my own. You observe, hopefully learn.
Morris
Yes Mr Scragge.
Huxley
No man is an Island Morris. Call me Huxley. We are on first name terms at Longman & Short. So tell me the benefit of our windows?
Morris
OK. (Closes his eyes to think) First it makes your house better insulated.
Huxley
‘Extra Heat Treat, Be The Envy of Your Street’ ….and?
Morris
It makes your house more secure.
Huxley
‘Locks Tight Just Right Puts An End To Sleepless Nights’. I’d like to see your Shakespeare write anything that good. So what is the first step to a good sale Morris?
Morris
(looking through his notebook) Er…er The Knock.
Huxley
Quite correct a knock can say a thousand words so it should never be whispered. It should be bold observe.

He knocks on the door

Morris
There is a bell.
Huxley
Yes but who installed the bell Morris?
Morris
The Customer?
Huxley
Quite. So the bell will play according to the customers tune. For example if I press that bell it could blow raspberries or play ‘Chico Time’. No we must never give the customer the upper hand Morris.
Morris
(making notes) upper hand.
Huxley
Now this lady is called Verity Pretty, and I hope she is!
Morris
What?
Huxley
Very Pretty.

The door opens to reveal the Narrator wearing the same suit but with the addition of a blonde wig.




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