A guide book for those still living with an abuser. Frank, honest advise and not for those who pity child abusers and there are many. Most seem to wear judge's robes.
Barnes & Noble.com
Silence is a Lethal Weapon
Children in a Dark, Scary Place Called Incest
Theoretically, your home is your safe have from the world. Home should bring warm thoughts and a strong desire to be there, but the child that is being sexually abused by a family member is trapped in a strange place. The situation is many times worse for families that move around with jobs in the military or ministry, or whatever occupation keeps them on the road. Such families tend to be close knit because they are strangers and outsiders everywhere they go. It is important that they have each other and that home truly is a sanctuary. It is also the ideal situation for the predator.
Something about sexual abuse eats a child from the inside out. You never get over it and some kill themselves long before adulthood. I took an overdose of pills in high school and was only saved because my parents returned home to get my mother's purse. I felt like I was forty years old and could not bear the idea that I could have another fifty years of living to endure. It was an overwhelming thought that lay on me like a slab of cement and nothing that I was interested in doing. I was truly wore out from life. My only periods of happiness extisted when my father was gone and even then his essence hovered over head like a death's head moth waiting to land on me. Sexually abused children are different from other children and somehow "normal" children know it. They circle the abused child like a pack of wolves that cannot decide whether to let the new wolf join the pack or eat it for dinner. If I had been a beautiful child or had an outgoing personality, it may have helped, but I hated myself. I would rather have stood on a bed of burning coals than look at myself in the mirror and if it appeared that might have a little self respect, Al would fix that for me. He ran his sisters down constantly and used them to make me feel bad. I was often compared to my Aunt Everette and it was meant as an insult. Now I know that my father's sisters grew up watching their mother be beaten to the floor by their minister father and had problems of their own. It is all very clear now that Al dug a moat around us so that no one could really get that close. Fortunately, my aunt and grandmother had a pontoon boat that could occasionally reach our island, even if they never got past the beach. I only made it because I knew there was another world out there that did not include pornography and lewd acts. When I should have been an innocent child, I knew more about sex than some people ever do.