Excerpt
CHAOS VS. QUIET

When the mind withdraws into itself and dispenses with facts it makes only chaos.
—Edith Hamilton

When anger ruled my emotions, I was often in a state of chaos and discontent. Being calm felt boring to me. Staying quiet felt as if I were accomplishing nothing. I would inevitably look for trouble, cause it, and then place the blame elsewhere.
When I first started practicing being quiet and meditating, I felt anxious and nervous. It felt wrong to stay still. But with each time, I noticed that during these quiet times, nothing inappropriate happened. I didn’t hurt anyone. I felt better with each passing day, more in control of myself. I thought clearer. In fact, over time, I craved this time to myself to think about important events in my life, and began to like feeling calm. As weeks of practicing turned into months, and months into a year or two, I began to defend this time, and even defend my right to continue it throughout entire days and weeks. I began to abhor chaos and confusion. My quiet time became my refuge when I was feeling confused and discontent, because it brought my life back into simple clarity.

Meditation

This week, I will look at how much time I spend being quiet and reflective. If I find I do not do this, I will make a commitment to practice this for the next thirty days. I will be aware of the changes practicing quiet time brings, and make choices around the change in my feelings and daily activity as a result of it.

Journal Suggestion: A good start at taking time to reflect is to journal thoughts on paper for a set time each evening or morning. Journaling isn’t about perfection in punctuation and wording. It is about writing your thoughts as they come to you. Journal for fifteen minutes every day, making a commitment to simply write your thoughts and feelings down on paper. Share what you learned about yourself with your group or therapist.