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Meet Jaeda, a 15 year old teenager who just can’t seem to catch a break. Between her exboyfiend Nequan and her future, she’s continually going through struggles. With only her love for Nequan, her fear of rejection and
hope for her future, she’s stuck. Through pregnancy, rape, abuse and fights, she’s a winner, not only in love, but in life.
When Jaeda met Nequan, she didn't think that he would change her world. She falls for him instantly, becoming best friends with his younger sister Tania. After spending a year with him, their relationship is tested by Nequan's mother moving him and Tania to a suburb outside of Philadelphia. Jaeda struggles to keep up with the changes in the relationship with Nequan. As they age, Nequan becomes more and more of womanizer, leaving Jaeda to deal with girl after girl while she held onto him. Nequan, confused of his love for Jaeda and his love for other women, keeps pulling Jaeda to him, seducing her. After years and many attempt of breaking free of Nequan, she meets Nasir, her knight in shining armor leaving her to question if Nequan is truly her soul mate.
After they moved, we kept in touch, but not as much as I wanted. I’d researched the best ways to get there, and made trips frequently, but by the time this had come along, it was June, and Nequan and mine relationship was facing the long distance struggle. I mean, to a regular person, Philly to Darby wasn’t far, but to a 13-year-old girl, it was thousands of miles. It wasn’t a shocker when we broke up, still, it was one of the hardest days of my life, still, I refused to lose my best friend, so I stuck it out. I stuck it out for Ta.
Still, about a year after we broke up, I realized that I still had unresolved feelings for him. I tried to hide them, tried to keep them under the surface, but they did surfaced. I was forced, headfirst back into some deep shit with Nequan. Suddenly, we were talking on the phone daily, I was pushed back into his life, back into his love. I didn’t know what was happening at the time, but this would start the problem for the next couple of years.
I always knew, on some level that I would never fully get over him, he was my first, the only one I’d ever been with. Even then, damn well over a year since we’d even broke up. But the move to Darby had changed him, and not for the best. He became a different person. He became a title, an image. I didn’t like it, I hadn’t fallen in love with his image, I’d fallen in love with him. It was something he hadn’t realized yet.
Yet, the landmark day that I would say, shaped our unusual relationship, would be June 4th. I hadn’t seen him in months, not since our birthdays, close to 6 months before. I thought, even for the brief moment before I saw him again, that I was in fact over him. I wasn’t. He walked up, and I felt that feeling, that oh so familiar feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach. He just looked so good. I could feel those old feelings surface. I couldn’t focus, and within an hour of me seeing him again, I was in his arms. I was making love to him.
After that, things went kind of normally, we fucked regularly, we talked regularly, but we weren’t officially a couple. It plagued me that he hadn’t asked me yet, I didn’t understand then why he hadn’t. I found out however, after about 2 months. You see, Nequan had another life, he had another girl. Well, I couldn’t say another, because we weren’t official, they were. I didn’t find out about her, about any of them, until it was already too late. I was too far gone.
“Oh my god, Q”!!
The sound of my own screams rang in my head. I could hear myself, but I could not stop. My arms were around his neck; they seemed to be holding on for dear life. His mouth muffled the cries of passion that emerged from my mouth.
“Oh”, I cried out as his manhood pieced the barrier that seemed to contain the flood. I exploded violently, my nails clawing the vulnerable flesh of his back. As I drew blood, he restricted my fierce movements with his body. I was wild with desire. Grinding my hips hard onto his willing length, he grasped hold of my waist, plunging into me. He started his own flood inside of me.
After, we lay sprawled eagle in each other’s arms for a few seconds. Nevertheless, as we recovered, the warmth left, as did he as he retreated into the bathroom. I lay there for a few moments before collecting my clothes from the various spots from the floor. I dressed quickly, still hearing the music from the CD player. Musiq’s “Love” was playing, still on repeat as I replayed the previous events in my head.
We’d changed a lot since our first lovemaking; I mean even it had changed. We’d become more; I guess intense with each other’s pleasure. He now knew my body like the back of his hand, and I his. All the way down to the mole that rested on his hip, I knew all.
He was now about 5’10’’ to my 5’7’’ inch frame. He was fuller, toned as he’d picked up various sports over the years. But football was his passion, always wanting to be the next Marshal Faulk. I was different too. The buds that were my breasts back then were now in full bloom.
Well not that much, genetics can sometimes be a bitch. But they were a nice 32B. But when god taketh, he giveth just the same, he gave me something better. He gave me an outta this world ass. I mean nice, not just toned, but fat, a real fuckin onion. And trust ya girl, even with no type of interest in dancing, I can make that shit pop.
Drop it like it’s hot my ass, my shit be steaming, and he couldn’t get enough. Still, through my faze of fuckin, I didn’t see the big picture. And well, I was slowly becoming a nymphomaniac for Nequan. He’d turned me the fuck out, I couldn’t get enough.
So, it had happened again, once more I’d laid in his arms, once more, I’d kissed him, touched him, made love to him. As I sat there in my thoughts, his presence returned to the room. It was silent in the room now that the distraction of “Musiq” had been removed. He looked at me, by then I was fully dressed. I held one black Adida in my hand, sitting down on his bed to put it back onto my foot.
“What are you doing”, he asked me, staring dead into my eyes.
“Isn’t it obvious, I’m getting dressed”, I answered cruelly to his blatantly dense question.
“I’m not done yet,” he challenged, grabbing the sneaker from my hand. I looked up into his eyes. He smiled his seductive smile, and kissed me, lowering my body onto the warm bed. He stripped me slowly of my clothes, and an hour later, we were back sprawled eagle. This time though, I did not wait for him to return to the room for a third round. I was done, for the night anyway.
I had been MIA to his sister for over 2 hours, so when I returned to her room, she was sound asleep. I stared at her for a second, seeing her face down in her pillow, snoring. I did not want to wake her, so I wrote her a goodbye note, taping it to her mirror, and slipped out of the house undetected.
The effects of the three L’s she and I had blown just minutes before I was with him had just begun to wear off as I climbed onto the 11 trolley. When I finally arrived home at around 12, I had already been late for at least 20 minutes. That meant just one thing; my mom was on my ass. I just ignored her, walking into the shower.
I climbed in, and allowed the hot water bounce off my body. The water heightened the little bit of high that I had left. I started lathering my body, fantasizing about having him in the shower with me.
“Yes”, I said, annoyed by the interruption of my fantasy.
“Why are you showering”?
“Cause I’m dirty”, I answered my mother who was standing on the other side of the door.
“But you never shower at night”
“So”, I countered. Nonetheless, she was right, I never showered at night, not usually. However, nowadays, it had become my habit for Saturday nights after being with him.
“So why are you tonight, what’s going on”
“Nothing mom”, I said, I was exasperated with her questions. “Why does something have to be going on? Why can’t I just take a shower”? I asked her over the roar of the water pressure. She was silent, so I turned off the shower, wrapping myself in a towel.
My mom was still standing outside of the bathroom door as I emerged. She was waiting for me, with her hands on her hips. By then, my high had left my body; all I wanted to do then was sleep.
“What have you been doing young lady”, my mother asked in her accusatory voice. I laughed on the inside because of her use of the phrase “young lady”.
“Look mom, I’ve had a long day, I just want to sleep”
“What long day, you ain’t do nothing”
“Goodnight mom, I’m tired”
I turned my back to her, and walked into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I dropped my towel, slipped a XL T-shirt over my semi-wet body, and climbed into bed. The cotton bedspread felt good against my skin as I drifted off into my fantasy.
“Touch it, bring it babe, watch it, turn it, leave it, stop, format it”
I rolled out of my sleep as my brother’s personalized ring tone played on my cell phone. The tone repeated itself until I grabbed it, answering the call.
“Hello”, I said in my dazed, morning voice. I looked up at my clock. It was 8:24 Sunday morning.
“Hey Jae, what’s up”
“What the fuck is wrong with you calling me so early in the morning”, I scolded him.
“I wanted to talk”
“Whatever you have to say could not have waited until like 11”, I asked him.
“I always get up early”
“Well I don’t its Sunday, I’ve just really got into a deep sleep”
It was a lie; we both knew it, cause I had been sleeping since 12:30 am. Nevertheless, he was the type of person to never call me on a little white lie.
“I was having a good dream”
“Bout what”, he said curiously.
“Doesn’t matter, not you”
“But I know who, it was Q”, he said in a singsong voice. It was always so irritating when he was right.
“No”, I lied, “I don’t dream about him, he don’t even cross my mind”
Another white lie, in fact, I had been dreaming about him all night long.
“I know what you did, I know what you did”, he teased
“Why you always trying to keep things from me, I always find out”
“You only find out cause you’re his best friend” I burst. I regretted the sentence he minute it left my mouth.
“Shit”, I said under my breath
“I’m whose best friend", he taunted. “Ah ha, I knew you did something”
“Naw, I meant in the past”, I struggled, trying to repair my mistake.
“Whatever, you might as well just tell me”
“Look, call my house, you wasting my minutes”
I hung up the phone, cussing myself for having a damn there 5 minute conversation in my pre-paid phone. The house phone that lay across from me rang almost immediately after my phone summery.
“So, back to what happened last night”
“It’s not back to anything, cause nothing happened”
“Well my mouth is shut with open ears. You don’t know nothing, so I ain’t saying nothing, nada”
“Well it’s obvious that something happened, so just tell me”
“There’s nothing to tell, nothing happened”
I rolled my eyes, and continued to talk to him for another 30 minutes. After that, I just put down my phone, and again did something that had become a habit. I sat back on my bed, and thought about my previous night. Well, I thought to myself. On the upside, I had once again gotten some good dick. However, as l lay there, I thought about him. Nequan had been the one who had continually rocked my world, but was it right?
Soon, I had drifted off into another fantasy, waking up a little after 11 am. I finally dragged myself out of bed, calling around to my usual people. I was finished, with the exception of one by 12:00 pm. I was left with only Ta to call, so I picked up my receiver and dialed her number.
“Yeah”, I heard a masculine voice say, it was Nequan. I hadn’t expected him to pick up. I could feel butterflies in my stomach as I thought about the night before in my head.
“Hey Q”, I said in a quivering voice, “is Ta there”
I heard him yell for her, followed by her picking up moments later.
“Ta, hey honey, you a'ight”
“Cause when I left last night, well you looked kind of fucked up”
“Where did you go, I came back into the room, and you was gone”
She was right; while she was downstairs, getting us something to cure our munchies I had left. Ta and I had blown three L’s to the face and was hungry as shit when we came back to her house. So, while I was sitting in her room eating a donut, he came in. I still don’t understand how he did it. One minute, I was watching a movie and eating, and the next, I was following him into his room.
“I’m so sorry Ta, something came up”
“Yeah, I heard”
“Damn, does everybody know, it was only last night”
“Well, Q told me this morning when I asked him where you’d went”
“Yeah well, Karee hinted at that fact this morning”
“Yeah well, I just have one question”
“Was it good”
“Isn’t it always”, I laughed
“Ooh, y’all are crazy”
“Yeah, what’s up with you”?
“Nothing, I’m bored as shit”
“What are you doing today”?
“Nothing, are you coming back down here”?
“I’ma try, let me call my mom, and see what’s up”
“I’ma call you right back”
I hung up the phone, calling my mom. She was working, so it took her a while to pick up. When she did, I asked her for the money, then went into my closet to find the day’s outfit. I chose something simple, bright yellow shirt with dark blue, long jeans. The phone rang loudly as I was putting on some matching earrings.
“Hello”, I asked into the phone
“What she say”? Ta asked back to me.
“She’s going to give me the money, I got to go get it from her, but I’m dressed already, I’ll be down there at like 3”
I hung up the phone and sat down on my bed. I counted silently in my head. Thirty, which was our number so far. I had slept with him 30 times outside of a relationship. I only sat there for a few seconds though, leaving out of my house. Within 30 minutes, I was on the “G” on my way to Darby. I got there as expected at around three, pulling out my cell phone. I voice dialed her on my cell when I was standing outside her door, and she reluctantly picked up after the 3rd ring.
“I’m here, open the door”
“Just walk in, I’m in the bathroom doing my hair”
I walked into her house, careful of my surroundings. I could hear music from above me as I climbed the steps to the second floor. I entered the hallway, but still could not see her. When I finally did, I had reached her room, and she was sitting on her bed.
“Hey Jae, you look cute”
“Thanks, I try”, I answered, looking at myself in her huge mirror
She wasn’t finished getting dressed, so I left her alone, playing with her radio. I heard footsteps approaching, so I turned my head in the direction of the staircase.
“That’s just boo”, she said, reading my mind. I smiled internally as he entered his room. About 10 minutes later, he walked into Ta's room, wearing his bright red McDonalds uniform. The set always made me laugh because in no way did it complement his highly yellow complexion.
“What’s up Q”, I asked him, standing from the bed. I could suddenly feel the vibration deep within me that I always felt when he was near. I held fast to my stomach, trying to get it to stop.
“You going to work, or coming back”
“I was on break, so now I’m going back in like 20 minutes”
“Oh”, I said a little disappointed, I wanted to spend some time with him.
“But, I do have like 10 minutes”, he assured me seductively.
“Oh really”, I countered
“Do you think you can get off in ten minutes”? I asked just as seductively, walking over to him
“Let’s find out”
I looked over at Ta, who just smiled back, and then followed him out of the room. “I’ll be right back”
We walked down the hall, and a small figure emerged from the stairs.
“What’s up Catreese”? Nequan asked her.
“What’s up Q”?
“Oh, you’re Catreese, hey I’m Jaeda”, I remembered her from what Ta had told me about her. You see, every couple of weeks, Ta brings home another of her friends from school. They become, well other than me, Ta's temporary best friends. I wondered silently how long this friendship would last.
“What’s up, um do you know where Ta is”
“Yeah, she’s in her room”
“Oh, a'ight, bye”, she said, as I walked into Q’s room.
“You all socializing and shit, like I ain’t got to go to work”
“Shut the fuck up and kiss me”, I said, pulling him closer to me.
We emerged from his bedroom 20 minutes later or as usual, I emerged, and he walked into the bathroom to rinse off. Sometimes I wished that I could climb into the shower with him, but that is a story for another day. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I was walking back into Ta's room to see what we were going to do now that Q was on his way to work. She and her friend smiled mischievously at me as I entered.
I was practically on cloud nine from the pleasure of his hardness, even then, about 5 minutes later. When Q was finally finished and ready to go, the four of us piled down the steps, careful not to wake their mom. She was sleeping in the living room, and we had gotten all the way down the steps before she noticed me going out the back door.
You see, this would not have been a problem usually for me, but Cynthia and I have had a long withstanding grudge. Not so much a problem on my part, but hers. Long story short, she did not like the fact that I was, or had been dating her son. So now, I wasn’t allowed upstairs when he was home. It was somewhat funny however since I had been sneaking up there every weekend for the past couple of months. This was not only unheard of to Cynthia, Nequan and Tania’s mom, but mine also.
But anyway, back to the story. I was second to leave the house, the first being Nequan. I knew that he couldn’t possibly wait for us to walk him, because he’d be late. So, I kissed him hard on the lips, letting him go as Catreese walked out of the house. He left on the way to work, and I smiled.