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Hank P Fox

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Member Since: Jul, 2010

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All Classic Blonde Jokes
by Hank P Fox   

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Books by Hank P Fox
· All Classic Blonde Jokes (SmashWords edition)
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Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  CreateSpace ISBN-10:  1453691391 Type: 
Pages: 

216

Copyright:  July 16, 2010 ISBN-13:  9781453691397
Fiction

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All Classic Blonde Jokes

Enjoy the best blonde jokes in this ebook. Includes blonde celebrity quotes.

The book "All Classic Blonde Jokes" by Hank P Fox offers you a large selection of the best blonde jokes, guaranteed to keep you laughing. More than 200 pages packed with the funniest blonde jokes. Do you have a blonde girlfriend? Or are you a blonde, and do you have a boyfriend? Then you may just have found the perfect present. This book is available in electronic form for almost any device, including computers, but also smart phones, iPad, B&N Nook, Kindle, and many others. This book is also available in paperback version if you prefer print. The paperback makes an even better present. The book has 24 chapters each covering a different theme. The lasst of these chapters contains a collection of more than 150 quotes from blonde celebrities. This is probably the largest collection you will find anywhere, and some of the quotes are hilarious. Happy laughing!

Excerpt
Traveling Blondes
In this chapter, we see how Blondes like to travel by airplane and other means of transportation. During their trip they tend to do unexpected things. Or expected, if you like.

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.
She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn’t get out of her room.
“You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”
The stewardess replied, “There are only three doors in here,” she cried, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'DO NOT DISTURB!'”
* * *
Two blondes were on holiday in Navajo country and they drove through a small township called 'Chihanchako'.
The one blonde turned to the other and said, “Gee how do ya pronounce that?”
The other one shrugged and said, “Maybe we can ask when we stop for lunch.”
So in the small township they stopped and walked into a fast food place where the first blonde said, “Excuse me but how do ya pronounce this place we’re in?”
The blonde girl behind the counter looked them both up and down, rolled her eyes, and said slowly “B-U-R-G-E-R- K-I-N-G”.
* * *
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class section and sits down.
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde passenger that she paid for Economy and that she will have to go and sit in the back.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m staying right here!”
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde sitting in First Class that belongs in Economy and won’t move back to her seat.
The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for Economy she is only entitled to an economy place and she will have to leave and return to her original seat.
The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m staying right here!”
Exasperated the co-pilot tells the pilot that it was no use and that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won’t listen to reason.
The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde, and I speak blonde!”
He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry - I had no idea,” gets up and moves back to her seat in the economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to make her move without any fuss.
The Pilot replies, “I told her First Class isn’t going to Melbourne.”
* * *
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, 'Cruise Special -- $99.' She goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.”
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the Bow River, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She, too, is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.
Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side-by-side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?”
The second blonde replies, “They didn’t last year.”
* * *
There were 3 ladies on an island: a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The city where they wanted to be was 20 miles away with sea between the island and the city.
The redhead swam 4 miles and drowned of exhaustion.
The brunette swam 10 miles and drowned of exhaustion.
The blonde swam 19 miles, got tired, and swam back.
* * *
There’s a blonde, a brunette and a redhead traveling through the desert when their car suddenly stalls. They all get out of the car and, upon realizing that it’s not going to start, they each take one thing from the car. The brunette takes a bottle of water, the redhead takes a bag of food with her, and the blonde takes the car door.
They begin to walk through the desert, and soon stop to rest. At this point the blonde and the brunette turn to the redhead and ask her why she brought the food. She replies, “Well, in case I get hungry I’ll have something to eat.”
They all think this is pretty reasonable and then the redhead and the blonde turn to the brunette and ask her why she decided to bring water. The brunette replies, “Well, in case I got thirsty I’ll have something to drink.” They all decide that’s a good idea, too.
Finally, the brunette and the redhead turn to the blonde and ask her why on earth she would take the car door. She replies, “Well, I thought if I got hot I could roll down the window.”
* * *
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.
Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouted out, “Dang it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”
* * *
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left.”
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don’t worry… we can fly just fine on two engines.”
An hour later the captain announced, “One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don’t worry… we still have one engine left.”
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, “If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day!”
* * *
Once there were 3 people in an airplane. The first one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane.
The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane.
Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk.
They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, “Little girl, little girl, why are you crying?”
And the little girl said, “An apple came down and killed my new kitty.”
Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, “Little boy, little boy, why are you crying?”
And the little boy said, “A lemon came down and killed my new puppy.”
Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, “Why are you laughing so hard?”
And the blonde said, “I farted and the building behind me blew up!!”
* * *
Two blondes and a brunette are trapped on an island. The first blonde swims from the island to the mainland. The second blonde builds a boat from palm trees and rows to the mainland. The brunette, however, uses the bridge.
* * *
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said:
DISNEYLAND LEFT
After thinking for a minute, she said to herself, “Oh well !” and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said:
CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
* * *
There’s this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
“Yoo-hoo!” she shouts, “How can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, “You ARE on the other side.”
* * *
Q If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
A The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Q Why didn’t the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A She’d just blow dried her hair and she didn’t want it blown around too much.
Q How do you steal the window seat of a blonde going to Paris?
A Tell her the seats that are going to Paris are all in the middle row.



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