||April 9, 2010
This book helps parents break free of parenting pressures and take back their personal power so they can enjoy their journey and flourish as a family.
Barnes & Noble.com
Have you ever wondered how parenting can be so fulfilling and yet so overwhelming? Have you ever dealt with your child's behaviour and then had to fight off the guilt and uncertainty as to whether or not you did the right thing?
Many parent experience regular battles with self-doubt, frustration, and fear that they are damaging their kids for life. In Break Free of Parenting Pressures, author and parent educator Debbie Pokornik discusses how you can throw off these shackles--recognizing you have what it takes to do a good job and allowing your inner wisdom to shine through.
Break Free of Parenting Pressures discusses:
- Insights into why you parent the way you do
- Secrets to help you understand your family
- Ideas for building strong relationships with the important people in your life
- Suggestions for strenthening your parenting strategies
- Techniques to help you relieve stress and increase your pleasure in being a parent
Parenting will always be challenging. Let Break Free of Parenting Pressures help you decrease your concerns so you can enjoy this time and blossom as a family.
My husband and I decided to start our family fifteen years ago, when I was going to University. Since I was attending the Faculty of Social Work the news that I was pregnant sparked a lot of interesting conversations. My fellow students wanted to debate topics like spanking, family beds, feeding on demand, and any other controversial parenting issues that came to mind. I had no idea at that time what kind of parent I was going to be, but I dreamt of being a great one. I quickly realized that turning this dream into reality was going to require more strategies and knowledge than I currently had, so I began learning everything I could on the topic.
I was surprised at how hard it was to adopt new parenting tools and what a large role personal development played in effective parenting. I thought I would be much better at being consistent and knowing what to do when things went wrong. I was shocked by the intensity of my emotions around my children and the pressure to “do the right thing” when I didn’t always know what the right thing was. The desire to be perfect was there, the knowledge and support to help me do that was not.
Today, I am still not a perfect parent although I have accepted this as normal and, in fact, preferable. I have become knowledgeable on social and emotional development, and have learned and created a lot of great parenting strategies. My children (I have two teenagers now), are regular kids who challenge me often, providing ample opportunity to practice my skills.
My desire to learn, practice and share with others led me quite naturally into the role of parent educator. Working as a prevention social worker with a local school division provided me with plenty of opportunity to work with parents, teachers, students and others on many areas of social and emotional skill development. I have led many parenting seminars and been trained in many great programs.
What I’ve learned is that as different as we all are, most of us will benefit from some support, understanding, and helpful suggestions at some point in our journey, especially in the area of parenting. The more I learn, the more passionate I become about providing support to all parents in whatever area they feel they could use it the most. Writing this book seemed like a good way to do that. We are all doing the best we can with what we know. Let’s look at what we know and build on it in whatever way feels right.
My Anonymous Message
When I remind people they should pay attention to how they talk to their kids and make it a habit to use a nice voice, they look at me like I’m pointing out the obvious. Most of us believe we are nice most of the time and would be shocked or disappointed to hear otherwise. I was one of these people until the day when the universe conspired to show me differently.
On this fateful day my kids and I were hurrying off to an appointment that we were already late for. I was rushing my kids trying to get them to pick up the pace and the more I pushed the more they resisted. Finally, I got them buckled in their car seats and started off to my destination. At that point I should have been able to relax. The drive was going to take us forty-five minutes no matter which route I took and I'd arrive at my appointment only a couple of minutes late.
Here’s the amazing part … somehow in the struggle to get my kids into the car I managed to push the button on my cell phone and call my house. I have no idea how that happened and knew nothing about it until I returned home and retrieved the message.
There, on my machine, was this evil woman talking to these little kids in an angry, condescending voice. It took me a few moments to even recognize that the voice I was hearing was my own. What shocked me most wasn’t what I was saying, it was the voice I was using and the terse way I was saying things.
I heard my sweet little four year old ask me to turn on the music. My sharp voice responded, “No, we don’t need music right now, I just need some peace and quiet!” My son started to complain and I responded immediately with little accusations of how he had made me late and how much I hated being late.
I was not being nice and would not have believed it if I hadn’t heard it myself. This was definitely not how I like to think I talk to anyone, especially the two most precious people in my life. It was an eye opener and has resulted in my paying attention to the voice I’m using and altering it when it isn’t reflecting the kind of person I believe myself to be.
I’ve never managed to accidentally phone home again, but I took that little lesson to heart and believe I’m a better mom because of it.
FREE Parenting Tip: We are our own worst critics and often make parenting tougher than it needs to be. Allowing others to judge us and make us feel like we are not measuring up is a choice. Believe in yourself, you are a work in progress and absolutely perfect for the job of being you!
I loved this book. I loved it for many reasons. For one, it’s not just a book, it’s kind of a parenting NOTEBOOK. It talks about a lot of things that parents need to know, and a lot that parents could use some looking over from time to time. The chapters contain exercises, debbie’s personal stories, thought-provoking articles, and suggested resources so enthusiastic readers can use this book to guide themselves toward major changes. She also includes fun, realistic, easy and effective tips, which she calls FREE parenting tips, for those who prefer the ideas without any explanation at all.
You know your family and situation better than anyone else. You can use this book for ideas and support. This is just overall an amazing book that I will keep to look into every chance I may need it. This book is full of exercises to include your kids in. Although my kids are still too young to include, it did give me insight as to what I do want their future to include.
She tells her own stories of her parenting issues with her kids and how it affected her and her kids. I thought it was amazing and exactly correct what she said. She didn’t want them to feel bad when she asked them the truth. She knew that getting mad wasn’t the answer because they would be afraid to tell her the truth when she asked. I have seen this and even experienced this myself when I was younger. Kids do pick up on your attitudes no matter what they are. If you get mad, they will know you get mad, and will continue to be afraid to admit their wrongs.
I also love how she talks about bullying and the way you should act. As mothers, it is our nature to get mad at someone for being mean and disrespectful to our young. It is the way you react that teaches your kids how to react to the situation. She tells you that it is very important to listen to your child when they are talking about how they have been treated, but is also MORE important not to over react. When your kids come to you and tell you what they have to say, they are expecting you to listen to their stories and give them real world advice. It is easy to get mad at the person who has made your child upset, but it is teaching them the wrong way to act. Tell them that the way they are being treated isn’t okay and they don’t deserve to be treated that way. And then tell them that they are strong enough, smart enough, and resilient enough to handle it. If you take the battle for them, they may not learn how to handle it in the future.
This woman is just so smart. It is amazing how much I thought I knew about parenting, but she re-works it into an even better perspective. Teaching parents how to be great listeners, great advice givers, and how to manage the anger that sometimes eludes parents when their children do something unacceptable and know is out of bounds.
I recommend this to both newbie parents and experienced parents as well. It just helps you understand how parenting can be rewarding so we are teaching ourselves to be better parents, so our kids can just follow in the footsteps. Haven’t you ever heard “They won’t do what you say, but they will do what you do”. They need guidance and if you do something they may think it is okay too. This isn’t a “bad parent” book that someone would buy to be a “better” parent. It is a guide teaching you how to be a better person overall and how to handle parenting stress with ease instead of getting more stressed about it.
it’s like a parenting/psychology book mixed. I love it.
I was not paid in anyway to review this book. this is clearly my own opinion of the book after reading it. my recommendations of this book are true. I wouldn’t tell you that you should purchase something if i wouldn’t do purchase it myself. I thank debbie pokornik for the chance to review this book. I also thank her for being a genius parent and sharing this advice.
Stephanie Staples - Your Life Unlimited
Have you ever felt like the Worst Parent in the World?
By Stephanie Staples
I know I have. I’ve read the books, studied the masters, emulated my mentors and still I find myself screwing up on a regular basis.
So when I have the chance to learn another tool or two about parenting, or indeed about improving any relationship, I will jump at the chance.
Parenting...It's not always a walk in the park!
Enter author and parent educator Debbie Pokornik whose new book ’Break Free of Parenting Pressures’ Embrace Your Natural Guidance, is hot off the presses. |Today was my lucky day to interview her on Your Life, Unlimited’s CJOB radio show (www.cjob.com audio vault- April 30, 2010 8pm)
This easy to read book gently guides you, forgives you for mistakes and invites you to nurture the skills you have and tweak the ones that aren’t working so well. Written like your best friend is talking to you, rather than a hard hitting ’expert’ dictating, I think you will enjoy this book, too!
Debbie talked about how our ‘vision’ of parenting before we are parents very often differs from the parenting that we are actually doing, causing guilt and frustration. Aligning the type of parent you thought you would be to the kind of parent you are is paramount.
Here are a few take aways I gathered from her book that you can use right now:
allow your kids (or yourself) the chance for a ‘do over’ eg-would you like to ask again without being rude?
think about how a ‘good boss’ would handle the situation and act accordingly
when considering using a parenting tool, use the FREE techinique-ask yourself if it is functional, respectful, effective and easy
save ‘no’ for when you really mean it, otherwise try words like… maybe, convince me, yes-later, tell me more, let me think about that, I’m not sure that’s going to work-but I’m open to hearing more…
ask for things to be done or describe the situation rather than telling
Even pulling out, or dusting off, one idea could have a huge impact on the relationship with your child, on your self- confidence and in keeping the peace. Think about how you could apply these techniqueseven beyond the parent-child relationship.
I love this radio show, it gives me a chance to learn and grow! Lucky me.
For a chance to win Debbie’s new book or her Parent Power CD set, send me a parenting tool that works for you! Or visit Amazon. com to order your copy.
Happy Parenting and remember-you are NOT the worst parent in the world, you are the best parent for your child-just keep on growing!
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