AuthorsDen.com   Join (Free!) | Login  

     Popular! Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry
   Services MarketPlace (Free to post!)
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    eBOOKS new!     BOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    EVENTS    VIDEOS    GOLD    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Hank LeGrand, ial squitieri,sr, iDeborah Frontiera, iErnie Heavin, iNicholas Coe, iKaren Epp, iDominic Caruso, i

  Home > Humor > Books Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry     

Davis Aujourd'hui

· Become a Fan
· Contact me
· Books
· 2 Titles
· 1 Reviews
· Add to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Sep, 2009

Davis Aujourd'hui, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.


Babes in Bucksnort
by Davis Aujourd'hui   

Share this with your friends on FaceBook
Books by Davis Aujourd'hui
· The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude
                >> View all

Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  Outskirts Press ISBN-10:  143274500X Type: 
Pages: 

208

Copyright:  2010 ISBN-13:  9781432745004
Fiction

Take another trip to the fictional town of Bucksnort and meet my naughty nun, Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, who loves her bourbon and her Marlboros. She once again spins outrageously hilarious tales about the zany characters in the Snortlands of Wisconsin. You'll laugh until you ache!

Amazon
Amazon.com
funniest satire series of the decade

MORE MISADVENTURES THAT WILL TICKLE YOUR FUNNY BONE!

 

Babes in Bucksnort is the first sequel to the highly praised The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude. Once again the unconventional bourbon-swilling, chain-smoking nun will spin outrageously funny new tales about the residents of Bucksnort, Wisconsin while she tests the will of a reformed prostitute who just happens to be her Reverend Mother.

 

Unfortunately there's trouble brewing in the Snortlands. The nasty and notorious town busybody, Priscilla Bunhead, goes on a crusade to stamp out what she calls the gay menace. That's when she convinces her millionaire friend, Mildred Mayflower, to give away her fortune in order to bring the Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to town to do the job. It will be an uphill climb for them when the closet doors of many gay people in the Snortlands burst open. Billy-Bob and his wife, Pinky Poo, will have another battle on their hands when Dimples Dufus, the heiress to the Mayflower fortune, arrives on the scene to reclaim her fortune.

 

You'll also meet the hilariously bumbling, pothead psychiatrist, Doctor Wally Wacky-Wacko, who creates havoc for one of Sister Mary Olga's favorite fellow nuns. Along with Mildred Mayflower, they become victims of his multi-colored pills that only turn them into zombies. The handsome and virile gay cowboy chef, Randy Cowboy, makes an important self-discovery about his never-ending sexual pursuits when he joins a twelve-step program called Sex Maniacs Notorious.

 

The irascible Martha Mayhem settles down into comfortable domesticity with her new life partner who happens to be her sister-in law. Martha still manages to stir up trouble on Dinkledorf Drive with her fellow enemies and neighbors, the prudish Priscilla Bunhead and the voluptuous Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. The question that remains is whether Lula Mae's paramour, Jules Jesslike Pappas will put up with her continuing manipulative feminine wiles.

 

In between the laughs, Sister Mary Olga continues to dispense nuggets of spiritual wisdom during her classes in Beginner's and Advanced Holiness. Just don't take seats near the flatulent child named Fartley Dinkledorf or his lecherous one-hundred five year-old grandfather, Poopsy. The bottom line is that everyone is welcome in Sister Mary Olga's classes. Join the diverse cast of zany characters for a joy ride that will tickle your funny bone until it aches.

 


Excerpt

Sample One


Dr. Wally Wacky-Wacko had the unfortunate habit of not keeping good track of his appointments. He didn't have a secretary and the truth of the matter was that he couldn't very well afford one. He didn't exactly have a thriving practice.
Dr. Wally had just finished eating a very potent marijuana brownie for breakfast when the doorbell rang. He didn't have a clue as to who would be calling on him on his day off. He exclaimed out loud to himself, “Whoa! I'd better get my act together!” Then he went to answer the door.
When he opened the door, there before him stood Sister Eileen and Sister Samantha. His eyes bugged out from behind his gold-rimmed granny glasses when he saw them standing there in their black habits. That's when he exclaimed, “What a rush!”
Now! Sister Samantha was rather worldly from her former days, having lived in a gay man's world where she'd been a successful female impersonator. She knew exactly what Dr. Wally had been up to, but she chose to respond by saying, “Yes indeed! We need help immediately!”
The middle-aged man who still looked like a little boy had eyes as big as saucers. He was dressed in faded blue jeans and a fraying plaid flannel shirt. He simply stood before them in a confused daze. He grabbed onto his long, curly, salt and pepper hair that was tied back in a ponytail. For a moment he just stared at them as if he was going to say, “Duh.” Then he took a dizzying step backward as he said, “Ah yes! Won't you come in?”
They entered his home and they followed him into his office which looked as if it hadn't been dusted in two months. His desk was buried beneath piles of paper. The same was the case with a long black leather couch which lay beside a bookshelf that appeared as if it could topple over at any moment. If that would have become the case, it would have pulled down a network of cobwebs just before it would have soundly squished Sister Eileen if she was to have lain upon it.
Dr. Wally just stood in the middle of the room as if he was spellbound. Then he went to the couch and he unceremoniously swept the stacks of paper onto the floor. Finally he turned and gave them an impish smile as he said, “I'm not used to treating two people at the same time. I'm afraid that you'll just have to lie side by side.”
Now Sister Samantha wasn't one to mince words. She declared, “Are you out of your mind? Nuns aren't allowed to lie down together! God only knows where that could lead us! Besides, I'm not the one who needs help! I'll just sit in a chair.”
Then Sister Samantha strolled over to a nearby seat where she picked up a pile of papers. She set them down on the floor as a cloud of dust whirled out of that pile, nearly choking her in the process. As Sister Samantha took her seat, Sister Eileen tried to make her way over the disarray of papers beside the couch without falling. Then she lay down while the doctor sat behind his cluttered desk where he tried to peer at her over the piles of paper that were on it.
“So,” he began. “Just exactly what is the problem?”
Poor Sister Eileen couldn't even see the doctor so Sister Samantha decided to take the bull by the horns. She said, “Sister Eileen hasn't been herself lately. The poor woman can barely put a sentence together and, when she does, she only begins to cry.”
“Ah!” exclaimed the doctor. “I know exactly what to do!” With that said, he fumbled around within his desk drawer and he pulled out three bottles. Then he emptied the contents onto his desk whereupon half of the pills fell onto the floor. “Oops!” he said. Bending over, he picked up the pills one at a time. All the while, each and every one of those pills seemed to mesmerize him. Finally he was ready to continue.
“Okay,” he said as he began to pile the pills into an empty bottle. “I want you to take each of these pills three times a day. You should be back to yourself in no time!”
“But doctor,” interjected Sister Samantha. “How's she going to be able to tell the pills apart if they're all in the same bottle?”
“Oh, that's easy,” replied the doctor who held up the bottle for Sister Samantha's inspection. “Each of the pills is a different color.” Then he smiled to himself as he continued to stare at the pills before he exclaimed, “Aren't they beautiful!” Sister Samantha simply rolled her eyes.
Now it was time to go. Poor Sister Eileen struggled to get off the couch while Sister Samantha reached for the bottle. As they made their way out of the shamble of the doctor's office, he opened another desk drawer. With a big smile of anticipation upon his face he pulled out another brownie. He'd need to calm his nerves in case another patient showed up later that day.
When the next evening rolled around, I wondered where Sister Eileen could have been. Randy Cowboy had already dished us up steaming bowls of stew and she was nowhere to be seen. Then I noticed the good sister staggering into the room. Her eyes looked like a couple of glazed donuts while she headed for her seat as if she was sleepwalking. I raised my eyebrows as she took her seat. She nearly fell right off it and onto the floor.
The blessing was offered and I began to eat, but I rarely took my eyes off Sister Eileen. She dumbly tried to raise each spoonful of stew into her mouth, but every second spoonful hit her chin where it dribbled down onto her habit. As I continued to watch, her eyes began to close. That's when I was about to witness the final effects of Dr. Wally's pills. Her head began to slowly circle and, just as she had completed the first full revolution, her face went kerplunk right into her steaming bowl.
I raced from my seat and I pulled her head out of the stew. She had a carrot firmly wedged into one of her nostrils and her mouth had a potato stuffed into it. Enough was enough! It was time for action and this time I would be the one who would accompany her to the good doctor.
The following day I arrived on Dr. Wally's doorstep with a blister-faced Sister Eileen. When the doctor finally answered the door, he took one look at Sister Eileen and he said, “Whoa!”
“Exactly!” I declared. “And the woe shall be unto you if you don't give this sister the right pill!”
“Oh!” he said with eyeballs that were nearly popping out of his head. “Maybe she would like a pretty pink pill. I call it a happy pill.”
I gave him a questioning look before I replied, “That's what we sent her here for the first time. Now just give us the pill and we'll be on our way!”
Well! It wasn't long before Sister Eileen would be swinging from the rafters. She soon announced that she was the Virgin Mary, come down from heaven in order to save the heathens. It was time to go back to Dr. Wally Wacky-Wacko again. That's when Dr. Wally decided that poor Sister Eileen was a manic-depressive and he put her on yet another medication. Shrinkaholics! What would be next?



Sample Two

Priscilla Bunhead was the town prude and busybody. Lately she had found ripe pickings among some of her new neighbors. They were none other than the Snatchasnitches. The most vulnerable member of that family was none other than Lilliliver Lipstick.
Priscilla presented the Snatchasnitches with one of her famous sour cream cakes on the very day after they had moved into the neighborhood. Prissy needed all of the support she could get for her causes. She was still trying to regain ground after Sister Samantha had infiltrated one of her BUN meetings. BUN just happens to stand for Bunheads Unite Now.
Ever the good student of poor fashion, Lilliliver Lipstick was a prime candidate for a strangled bun with which to control her stringy dishwater hair. She was also a good candidate to be controlled by someone who could do her thinking for her.
Prissy rang the Snatchasnitch's doorbell and was greeted by Abner and Lilliliver's little Senorita. At least our little Senorita had some good sense, though she was lacking in the manners department. There before her stood a scrawny, prune-faced lady who looked as if she'd been sucking on lemons.
Senorita took one look at this woman who had about as much hair as a church mouse. Then she exclaimed, “You're the ugliest old lady I've ever seen!”
Prissy nearly shoved her sour cream cake right into little Senorita's smug face until she remembered that she was on a mission. That's when Lilliliver Lipstick quickly appeared and said to Senorita, “Now, now, sweetie, that's not a very nice thing to say to an old lady.”
Priscilla was still on the fence about where her cake should end up. She chose the higher road and she presented it to Lilliliver Lipstick as she said, “Welcome to Dinkledorf Drive! I wanted to be the first one to roll out the welcome mat to you. May I come in for a moment?”
Lilliliver gave Priscilla a smile that reminded Priscilla of some of the insecure girls in her former etiquette classes for young ladies. Then Lilliliver admitted Prissy to her own perfect and prissily-kept home before she offered Priscilla a perfectly-fluffed, aqua-colored arm chair.
Priscilla took in the surroundings and the chair with an approving smile. Aqua had always been her favorite color. Besides, having recently become a retired home economics teacher, she was always pleased to see a young woman who took her domestic chores seriously. Then she craftily led the conversation around to her latest campaign.
She lowered her high-strung voice into nearly a whisper when she said, “My dear, I think I should warn you about some of your new neighbors. Evil lurks in the neighborhood. Why, the house just two doors down from you is inhabited by a couple of lesbians! You must protect your little Senorita against their evil influences. You wouldn't want her to turn out like that, now would you?”
Lilliliver shuddered at the thought as she feverishly squirmed in her own seat. Then she exclaimed, “Oh my heavens, no!”
Priscilla continued on. “I also think that you should know that we have a couple of Negroes on the block. Now the old man, Jules Jesslike Pappas, is really a credit to his race, but he's living in sin with a lazy, dark-skinned, good-for-nothing floozy named Lula Mae Bunsaplenty. I'd been so concerned for our neighborhood when she'd moved in. Thank goodness it hasn't kept fine upstanding white folks like you from buying a home here!”
Lilliliver appeared disturbed. She hadn't realized that there had been any Negroes in the neighborhood. That's when she exclaimed, “They don't have any boys, do they?”
“Oh no, my dear!” Prissy continued. “Jules and Lula Mae don't have any children and I sincerely doubt that they ever will. Their relationship seems to be on the rocks. At least you won't have to worry about your little girl being pursued by an oversexed black boy. Even so, we need to make sure that they don't attract any other Negroes into our beautiful neighborhood!”
“Certainly not!” Lilliliver exclaimed. “I'll be sure to warn Abner about the situation!”
Priscilla continued on as she said, “I'm afraid there's one more neighbor on whom you're going to have to keep an eye if you don't want him keeping an eye on you. He's really a pretty harmless old man named Poopsy Dinkledorf. Why, the man is over one hundred years-old, but he's also a dirty old man and a Peeping Tom!”
Lilliliver quickly retorted, “Well, he's not going to get a chance with me because I always keep my blinds closed!”
“That's very wise, my dear,” replied a self-satisfied Priscilla. “Even so, I might suggest that you remain vigilant and peek out your blinds on a regular basis. You can always come running over to my house if you see anything that we should be concerned about.”
Lilliliver quickly went over to her window blinds where she parted them before she peered out in all directions. Priscilla smiled at her action. “Oh, Miss Bunhead,” Lilliliver whimpered. “I just can't believe that we're surrounded by perverts and Negroes! I can't thank you enough for warning me! I feel so much more secure knowing that I'm going to have a good friend like you in order to help protect my little Senorita.”
“Well, there's one other thing that you can do in order to help protect your little darling,” replied Priscilla who nearly spat out her last word upon remembering that perfectly wretched child. “I've formed a new organization called CUDDD. That stands for Citizens United for Decency on Dinkledorf Drive. We just happen to be having our first meeting tonight. I'm counting on you for your support.”
“Oh my, yes!” declared Priscilla's newest hand puppet. “I'll be sure to be there!”
“That's a good girl,” purred Priscilla. “Now, it's time for me to go!” With that said, she wormed her way out of her chair, took her leave, and she skittered across the street to her own lookout station.








Professional Reviews

Unforgettable Fun and Laughter in Bucksnort
You won't be disappointed with Babes in Bucksnort because all of the outrageous, fun-loving characters are back in book #2 at the steady direction of loveable, chain-smoking, bourbon drinking Sister Mary Olga. She has taught readers, along with her town of parishioners of course, that sometimes it's important to take a good look at ourselves in order to make a positive change.

There seems to be conflict brewing in Bucksnort due to the range of truly unforgettable characters and their diverse activities. This time, Priscilla Bunhead along with her group of town nosey busybodies with the help from Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead are determined to run out of town who they feel are perverts and undesirables. Following, is outrageous behavior and fun filled chapters that will keep you turning the pages to find out what happens next.

Aujourdi'hu has managed to create a satire series that will definitely give you mountains of smiles and giggles, but he has also masterfully woven important teachings of kindness, forgiveness, and true acceptance. The characters are vivid and it's highly unlikely you'll forget their names any time soon. There's a delicate balance of satire and reality that I feel that Babes in Bucksnort has accomplished perfectly.

If you want a fast weekend or afternoon read that's guaranteed to make you laugh, I recommend Babes in Bucksnort. I look forward to the next installment to see what Sister Mary Olga has in store for her and the town of Bucksnort.

-Jennifer Chase, Author of Compulsion & Dead Game


Hilarious with an oddball cast of characters
Babes in Bucksnort: Sister Mary Olga Fortitude Book 2. By: Davis Aujourd'hui. When I saw the cover art, I suspected this would be a compelling read. I took the afternoon off, settled onto my cozy couch and laughed my head off for three solid hours. A resistant group of conservative citizens, led by Priscilla Bunhead, are determined to purge the town of the undesirable (in this case, gays and lesbians). They attract the attention of an outrageous preacher, Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead and his followers, who are on a mission to save the town from destructive influences. I savored every page of this book, from the comical to the spiritually wise, to the lessons of compassion, kindness and love, to the tenderly poignant. It is not terribly often that I stumble upon a book that manages to convey in a truly entertaining manner, what it is like to live in small-town America, when newcomers or outsiders trigger a change in traditional values. I felt immediate rapport with this wonderfully wacky collection of eccentric characters: Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, Fartley and Dewdrop Dinkledorf, Ralphy Mayhem, Lilliliver Lipstick, and Father Cowberries. Not to mention Priscilla Bunhead and Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead. The oddball names alone make me giggle. Author Davis Aujourd'hui's book was simply a pleasure to stumble upon. From the cover page to the very end, Aujourd'hui pulls the reader in and never lets go. A masterful comedian, his insight into human behavior deepens our knowledge of ourselves, even as we heartily laugh out loud. I can not believe that any person over the age of 25 has not experienced the emotions of the colourful characters that inhabit the book. The book is well written, incredibly funny, and will probably take off like a thoroughbred at the Kentucky Derby. Makes a fabulous gift. Reviewed by: C.J. Good, Author - "Little Gifts of Sustainable Contentment" - sustainablecontentment dot com.

Using Humor for Important Social Commentary
Now that I have been involved in the book publishing and marketing industry for several years, I am enjoying the opportunity to review subsequent works from authors whose first offering I also had the chance to read when it was released. What a pleasure it is to watch the evolution of a writer's vision and message. This is particularly true when the author is in the midst of creating a series of books with a common theme or that is focused on a particular set of personalities. In these instances, I get to spend more time with characters I have come to love and I get a more complete sense of what the author is intending to show the readers. Such is the case with the release of the second book in the Sister Mary Olga Fortitude series by Davis Aujourd'hui, Babes in Bucksnort.

Like the book that preceded it, The Misadventures of Sister Mary Olga Fortitude, Babes in Bucksnort follows the antics of the diverse residents who live in Bucksnort, Wisconsin as told by the hard-drinking, chain-smoking nun whose name graces the entire series. However, while the first book was intended to introduce the readers to the large cast of characters and establish Sister Mary's belief in tolerance and unconditional love, Babes in Bucksnort now takes a more focused approach to the storyline and confronts the growing prejudice against homosexuality in the town.

Becoming increasingly concerned about the infiltration of gays and lesbians in Bucksnort, Priscilla Bunhead forms a group of like-minded citizens who are determined to chase the people who they believe to be perverts out of town. Their efforts are reinforced when Reverend Billy-Bob Blunthead brings his Born Again or Burn Forever Disciples for Jesus to Bucksnort for a large rally that is meant to galvanize the supposedly moral people to save their community. As readers will discover, Billy-Bob, Priscilla, and other dispensers of harsh judgment will face a stronger and more unified opposition than they ever expected.

In this book, Aujourd'hui continues to do an excellent job of sharing social commentary through his memorable characters. Reverend Billy-Bob immediately conjures up images of television preachers who use their claim of Christianity to make a fortune from condemning others. Lilliliver Lipstick, another new character to the series and sidekick to Priscilla Bunhead, reminds me of the weak child who stands behind the playground bully and quietly watches while her fellow students are belittled and beaten. And, of course, Sister Mary Olga is still the necessary voice of kindness and reason in the middle of a wild atmosphere. I imagine in more than one instance, readers will recognize a character in Babes in Bucksnort as an exaggerated representation of someone they know in their own lives.

As I read both published installments in the Sister Mary Olga Fortitude series, I realized that I was enjoying the content for two distinct reasons. First, Aujourd'hui creates men, women, and children with unforgettable (and descriptive!) names and even more outrageous behavior. I appreciated the sharp humor that the author employed to this end and found great entertainment value in turning each page and discovering what these characters would do next. But, I also enjoyed the important messages of love and acceptance that Aujourd'hui emphasizes, particularly through the teachings of Sister Mary herself. Once in a while, we all need mirrors placed in front of us to help us examine and rethink how we treat one another, and Davis Aujourd'hui accomplishes this through his writing. Babes in Bucksnort is a book that will make you both think and laugh, which defines a great read for me. Now, I just need to wait for book number three so that I can discover who Sister Mary will bring to task next! Sarah Moore, Writers in the Sky


Want to review or comment on this book?
Click here to login!


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Click here for your Membership!




Authors alphabetically: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Featured Authors | New to AuthorsDen? | Add AuthorsDen to your Site
Share AD with your friends | Need Help? | About us


Problem with this page?   Report it to AuthorsDen
© AuthorsDen, Inc. All rights reserved.