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Hy Conrad

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Member Since: Jul, 2012

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Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You to Know
by Hy Conrad  Jeff Johnson 

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Category: 

Humor

Publisher:  Sourcebooks ISBN-10:  1402263287 Type: 
Pages: 

232

Copyright:  May 2012 ISBN-13:  9781402263286
Fiction

"Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know" answers the questions that dog owners have asked for centuries. The book is a collection of 115 humorous essays that reveal the truth behind some of the most baffling canine behavior, their hopes and dreams, their grudges and pleasures, and what they really think about us humans. Peppered with lively, clever stories and visually appealing photographs, "Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know" is a verbal and visual delight that is laugh-out-loud funny. If you have dogs, love dogs, or have ever been baffled by a dog, this book is a must-have.

Amazon
Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You to Know
Hy Conrad Author Site
Things Your Dog Doesn't Want You to Know

Why do dogs eat furniture when there are endless chew toys nearby?
Why do they always dash to a rug when they have to throw up?
And why are they always absolutely starving?
 

Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know answers the questions that dog owners have asked for centuries. The book is a collection of 115 humorous essays that reveal the truth behind some of the most baffling canine behavior, their hopes and dreams, their grudges and pleasures, and what they really think about us humans.  Peppered with lively, clever stories and visually appealing photographs, Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know is a verbal and visual delight that is laugh-out-loud funny.  If you have dogs, love dogs, or have ever been baffled by a dog, this book is a must-have.

Topics include:

  • My Life in Your Purse by Tinkerbell, the Chihuahua
  • Waiting by the Table (for food scraps, of course!) by Orson, the bulldog
  • The Bed Rules (Rule #1—It’s my bed) by Dimples, the boxer
  • The Reason I Ate the Sofa (leather tastes a lot like rawhide) by Axelrod, the yellow lab
  • I  Can Poop the Second I Start My Walk (but choose not to) by Sophie, the cocker spaniel

Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know is available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Indigo, Target, on e-books and at independent bookstores everywhere.  For more information, go to www.ThingsYourDog.com where you can also ask questions about your own dog’s behavior and learn the secrets they have been keeping from you!

 


Excerpt

"My Time in the Pen"
By Bandana (The Border Collie)

I don't know what I did wrong.
What could have been so serious
to make you send me away?
Was it chasing the guy in the fast
wheelchair? Honestly, it looked like a car. Or maybe on
the playground, when I kept all the kids inside the jungle gym until
they started crying? A herding instinct. Blame nature.
I knew it was a prison from the minute we drove up-the
high,
wire fences, the yard, the warning barks from the other inmates.
They may give it a harmless name like “Coral Rock Pet Boarding,”
but to me it will always be “The Rock.”
Right away the guards slapped me into solitary. Everyone was in
solitary. The only relief was a couple hours a day when they let me
use the exercise yard. This was where I hatched the escape plot.
It wasn't hard to find some others to join me. Most of them had
no idea why they were there. Some had been in and out of the
system for years. Everyone I talked to there hated the screws-the
ones in the bottom of the cages. They hurt. And no one could stand
the chow. Not the chow-poodle
mix, but the pure chow. He had
shifty eyes.
My plan was simple. Dig a tunnel behind the water pipes, under
the fence, and into the woods. From there, we would change our
collars and try to find new families. I had everyone working in
shifts. There were the big diggers. Then the lookouts-small,
tough
guys who kept an eye on the guards. And then the medium-sized
dirt-eaters
who ate all the dug-up
dirt so no one would know.
Our escape was all set for the night of the full moon. That night, we
all got together and howled for a while, maybe an hour. Just for fun.
Then, one by one, we slipped into the hole and scrambled our way
through-little
dogs first, then bigger and bigger until finally it was
just Ajax, the Great Dane.
Ajax had a tough time of it. But he was determined. He kept digging
and pushing the last plastic water pipe out of the way. And
then came the snap-and
all the water. And the sirens. And the
blackout. And the screaming night guard. And you know the rest.
At least I can say I'm the one who closed down that prison for
good. Or until they fix everything that went wrong. But I don't think
I'll be going back there anytime soon. No sirree. No one wants that.



Booklist Rave Review
Booklist featured the following review in the March 1 issue for "Things Your Dog Doesn’t Want You to Know."

“If our dogs could talk, what would they tell us? What exactly is the canine worldview? And how do they
make sense of the human world in which they live? In this new book, 11dogs of different breeds and
personalities explain things to us humans. For example, what do dogs do while we’re at work? Charlie, a
miniature schnauzer, fools us into thinking that he and the other dogs he lives with rearrange the furniture
and play with the lights—until he reveals that they really spend the day sleeping and waiting for their
humans to come home and entertain them. And Sarge, a German shepherd, muses in a number of entries
about being a working dog, and how his “work” changed with each new owner. Tinkerbell, a Chihuahua,
sounds very like a Valley Girl when she discusses life as a small dog. At times poignant, at times hilarious,
this canine tell-all will let even the most experienced dog owners in on the secret world of our best friends.”


Bloodhounds Blog Review
MY THOUGHTS
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!!!

Yes, I used exclamations points!!! This quick, little read about eleven dogs, from hippy-dippy to obedience school drop out will have you howling. Of course, there is a dachshund involve and Gabby captured my heart. She is a bit (ok, extremely) spoiled and a bit ditsy but she makes no excuses for it. Tinkerbell, a Chihuahua, is tired of being stuffed in a purse and has lots of friends she likes to hang out with. Don't piss her off since she might grab that blouse in a dressing room and accidentally use it as a nest in your giant purse which might lead to your arrest. Moonbeam has been adopted by a vegan, and must sneak out for any kind of meat which might just be making him a bit crazy, not to mention the name. Overall, this fun read is perfect to leave on your coffee table and it is easy to pick up, read a few pages and then come back to it, sort of like your dogs attention span when food isn't involved.


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