||February 15, 2011
"Mute But Now I Speak", is a powerful read that puts Barbara Jean Wilson's life into words. A must read for anyone who enjoys reading a true story. Especially one that takes you on a person’s journey, as they battle adversity, striving to survive.
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Mute But Now I Speak
Barbara Jean Wilson was born and raised in Flushing, New York and remains a die-hard New York sport fan. In addition to writing her first book, Barbara also loves to cook and entertain family and friends at the home she was blessed to receive from God and relaxing on Sunday afternoon reading the newspaper and books by various authors. Barbara loves to travel and had an opportunity to fulfill one of her biggest dreams. Her daughter Tawanna's surprise gift to Barbara upon receiving her BBA was a Mediterranean Cruise to Spain, France, and Italy in November 2008. Barbara is always praising and giving thanks to God from where He has brought her and keeping His hands of protections over her life and her daughter's life. Whenever Barbara thinks she can't do something or fear creeps in, she is reminded to look back over her life and see where God has brought her from and what He has brought her through. At that point, her faith just takes over and her spirit is renewed.
The voice and body that once belonged to a sweet innocent girl was forced to become an adult at the tender age of eight. A voice and body that were forced to endure the abuse, threats and pain that defiled the very essence of my existence. A voice that was stifled and cries not heard by anyone, nor my sorrows felt by anyone.
While I should have been playing with dolls in my earlier years, at the age of eight I became the doll for everyone to play with starting with my stepfather, who actually was my mother’s boyfriend since they never married and who my two sisters and I referred to as “Uncle Bob”. He began by saying that what he was doing to me would make me grow up to become a beautiful young woman and he warned me that I was not to tell anyone. Once the novelty of abusing me wore off for Uncle Bob, he began bringing other men over to the house to play with “his” doll, which was how I was introduced. I was so afraid. For the next five years, they would all have their way with me and pay Uncle Bob once they were done.
Things in me began to change. I started eating more, biting my fingernails down to the skin until they would bleed. At one point, I began to lose control of my bladder and wetting the bed every night. The most embarrassing part about losing control of my bladder is that it could happen anytime or anywhere. Sometimes while sitting in my classroom I would become filled with dread of the abuse I would face when I returned home. I would come out of this trance-like state to see one of the children pointing out the puddle under my chair to my teacher or I. The first time this happened, I was in the third grade.
I began to lose focus, nothing seemed important anymore, not school, not being around people for any length of time. I did not isolate myself from anyone, I would just make my visits as brief as possible.
The innocent life and body of a little girl was battered and destroyed by the evilness of a person my mother trusted in the beginning, but unfortunately, for me, this person did not care and had no conscious. Because of this experience it would take many years and a miracle to restore all that was lost.
Questions to think about:
•If you were the victim of sexual abuse, how did it make you feel?
•Was there ever a time when you thought, why me?
•Have you been able to talk about what happened to you with someone you can trust, or have you buried the abuse deep down inside because it hurts thinking about it?
•What are you feeling at this very moment?
Faith, Forgiveness, and Fortitude
This book is a true testimony of the power of faith in God. The author takes a very taboo and painful subject-childhood sexual abuse- and uses it to show the power of God. For anyone who is carrying the around burden of sexual abuse this book shows that with the help of God, it is possible to overcome the pain, hurt and shame and live a life of victory. It is a true story of FAITH,FORGIVENESS and FORTITUDE. I thank the author for sharing her powerful story.
Hope, Perseverance and Faith to Believe with God ALL Things Are Possible
What a blessing it was to read this powerful and moving book from the author about the author and what must have been a very painful time in her life. However, in sharing her testimony and the blessings of God and His protection over her life, you come away feeling the love, joy and peace God sustained her with. Most importantly, you learn the true meaning of love, trust and forgiveness.
God has truly turned the author's ashes to beauty. To be used by God to become transparent to help individuals begin their healing process whether it be from sexual abuse, drugs, or alcohol will give them the freedom to live a victorious life.
WoW, such an inspiring book! thanks for sharing your story with the world. Hopefully this will be of assistance to the women & men who have been through trying times as well. And remember that God will always be there for them, they just have to keep their Faith.
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