||Healing Place Productions
||Apr 20 2000
Healing Place Church
In 1989, Moe & Paige Becnel married and began the task of blending his three children and her two children into a true family. The Becnel’s experienced many intense struggles, failures, and eventually victory in the blending process.
If you are in a stepfamily (also termed “blended family”) or are related to one, you know that living in that environment can be a bumpy road in life! In fact, a close friend of mine defined his experience as a “roller coaster ride.” The process of blending two families into one is often extremely challenging. There were times when my wife and I felt that our family would never function as a real family. As we began the process of blending our new family of 7 people when we married in 1989, we were blind-sided by issues that threatened the future of our new family. These issues were new to us, as they did not exist in our first-time marriages.
God Breathes on Blended Families is the story of their blended family coming together in fullness, and is a handbook for other blended families who are pursuing a solid, loving family.
When two people marry, they always hope to live happily ever after. For 1st time marriages (nuclear families), the success rate is near 50%. However, when people with children get married a 2nd or 3rd time, or when a person marries a spouse with children, the statistics change significantly. In an article titled, “Getting in Step” in the New Orleans Times Picayune on February 12, 2001, an organization called SAA Families of the 21st Century (formerly the Stepfamily Association of America) states that the divorce rate of 2nd and 3rd time marriages exceeds 60%.
Another significant statistic, based on the 1995 Census, is that the US Government predicted that by the year 2000, there would be more blended families than nuclear families. The high divorce rate in the world in the last several years has lead to a very high number of stepfamilies, and the number grows each day.
The Becnel’s wrote God Breathes on Blended Families in hopes of helping all blended families to become a true loving family that provide a solid foundation for their children, established through God’s love, mercy and grace.
Through our prayer time, we began to realize that our family was divided. There were areas where we were fighting each other rather than working together. Matthew 12:25 describes the shortcomings in families today.
“Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, ‘every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.’”
We needed to start identifying the areas of division in our hearts and home. Here are some symptoms of potential divisions in blended families:
“You discipline yours and I’ll discipline mine” are common statements.
You only talk prideful of your children, while your spouse only talks prideful of his or her children.
You have high grace toward your children, but low grace toward your spouse’s children.
Two sets of expectations, rules and/ or discipline exist in the home.
You and your spouse cannot come to agreement on one set of rules and discipline.
Children call the stepparent by Mr. or Mrs. “name”.
Your one-on-one time with children is only spent with your natural children.
The term “step” is used in the home (stepfather, stepmother, stepsister, stepbrother).
You feel like you are raising someone else’s children.
You do not love your new children as your own, nor do you think you can.
“They have other parents” is your excuse to not treat your new children as your own.
You think, “My spouse’s children do not want me in their life.”
Your grown children are not a vital part of your new marriage.
Your spouse has grown children, and you do not consider them a part of your life.
You do not consider your spouse’s grandchildren as your grandchildren.
As we began to address the divisions and found agreement, our family began the blending process.
Finding the Beauty in Blended Families..., July 12, 2001
It is often very difficult for divorced persons of faith to move on into a life of fulfillment and grace. Sometimes it's guilt, sometimes it's regret and sometimes it is resentment that holds us down in the bonds of living a half-life.
God Breathes on Blended Families by Moe Becnel & Paige Becnel reminds us that this is not what God wants for our lives. Christ came so that we may have life, and have it abundantly. Through Christ, we ALL have forgiveness for not-so-perfect pasts. This simple reminder echoes through the book in reassurance that the regret and guilt that restrain us are imposed by the ideals of an imperfect man... not by a perfect, forgiving and loving God.
The tenderness and truth of the Becnel's story inspires hope and comfort in the family struggling to form the delicate bonds that truly define a "family". This book has given me hope for the future, and has highlighted the forgiveness of my past. The Becnels have reminded me through their intimate depiction of poignant moments and proud smiles, that...
YES! God Breathes on Blended Families!
Nicole Weyant, Editor www.step-family-matters.com
I tell everyone about this book..., August 17, 2001
I wasn't sure what a blended family was until I read this book. I think it takes a great deal of courage to get down into the trenches with people, eyeball to eyeball, and talk about such a painful subject. The book reminds me of the power of unity and what we can do with God's help.
Amy Cordon, General Editor, Vieuxpoint.com Magazine
God Breathes on Blended Families offers hope to families in need of healing.
There was a time in my life when I needed sound Godly counsel in the area of Blended Families. I was amazed that I had so much trouble finding information in the Christians book stores that could help me make the transition from being a "step mom" to a MOTHER! Moe and Paige’s book "God Breathes on Blended Families" offers hope to families in need of healing. Better yet, read their book before the downward spiral begins!! Yes our redeemer lives and he has a purpose and a plan for the Blended Family too! Debra Maffett
Host, Harvest TV
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