“No Iguana Business, This Time”

Prologue

       Accompany me through my wild and crazy life of alcoholism, bipolar disorder, whimsical odysseys, and shooting for the stars into serving as a medical missionary around the world. This book has been a lifetime in the making. All that remains is rendering my outlandish stories into words and launching some new mind-bending quests for quill fodder.

       “Sure,” you might say with a twinge of skepticism.

       I suppose a gutsy flourish to stir your fancy is appropriate. How about a 55-year-old recovering alcoholic—who spurned learning anything medically-related whatsoever throughout his life, to the extent of not even knowing what ibuprofen meant—excelling through five months of intensive Emergency Medical Technician school to prepare for Christian medical missions? And he knew nothing about Christian medical missions. He gobbled up the Spanish language in preparation without even knowing where in the world he’d be going. And still not knowing what he would be doing concerning missions, the “old man” graduated with honors from Nurse Aide school to prepare for becoming a registered nurse en route to some unknown destination.

       Then, one week before he goes on his first mission as a dental assistant, he jumps out of an airplane at 10,000 feet for the first time. Walking across the tarmac back to his car, his phone rings. This phone call about a broken auto-refractor in Nicaragua diverts his course dramatically.

       My gorgeous editor Honey Bunny and my massage therapists (Joe, Paisley, and Alicia) favor my unusual approach. This book will encapsulate my life experiences into short stories, some of which I will actualize as I write.

       Some of the short stories comprising this book have already been written, such as “The Only Masterpiece” and “Cruisin’ Skipper’s Dream.” Other stories just need to be put on paper, such as “Saving the World” and “Mi Nombre Es Señor Dondo Elefante.” And a few of these stories still need to be lived in the process of writing this book, such as a story illustrating my return to Nepal, this time as a Christian medical missionary.

       Let’s see where Mr. Wizzle leads me.

       — Drafted by Scott D. Zachary on November 11, 2014