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Most author biographies seem to be written about someone who’s dead. A nice, detailed obituary about how well the author’s done, particularly when considering just how humble and terrible their beginnings actually were. You know, terrible parents, evil pets, childhood spent reading books in secret while the sound of the local villagers burning the local library seeps through the smashed bedroom window...
Mine might read a little like this (you have to pretend I'm dead first):
David Gatward spent a considerable part of his life confusing not just himself, but those around him. He spent most of his childhood and teenage years wondering what it would be like to be any one of the following (in no particular order): actor; musician; carpenter; army officer; writer; helicopter pilot, and highwayman. He suffered the usual illnesses (measles, chicken pox, pizza-face acne) and saw his first ghost at sixteen. At eighteen he had his first book published. And saw his second ghost. At nineteen he went to college. Four years later, qualified to teach, he went in to publishing. Managing his career with all the skill of a blind sea captain in a hurricane, he ended up in the civil service and ran away as soon as redundancy was offered. Writing took over, thanks to a couple of ghost-writing contracts and, quite to his own surprise, a book deal or two. The rest, as they say, is history...
But I'm not dead. At least I don't think I am. Not yet anyway...
Influences include Tolkien, HP Lovecraft, Clive Barker, Gary Braunbeck and Boston Teran. The book that motivated me to become a writer is Alan Garner's Weirdstone of Brisingamen.
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