This is a short story from the book "Of Eyes, Voices, and Serpents." This story is about corporations buying the naming rights to states. The original story has foot notes. I will try to add those later because they are a significant part of the story.
One of the many beauties of the federalist system is it allows for creativity in the individual states to solve problems. If their solutions work it can be incorporated one by one by other states or in the nation as a whole. It is a wonderfully dynamic system. Then we add the free market that changes with the decisions of the mob. A part of the free market that has recently become prominent is corporate sponsorship of locations such as The Energy Solutions Arena, Gillette stadium, or The Staples Center. The trend of corporate naming has been extended further than anybody ever imagined it would go.
In the year 2013 the state of Washington found itself in debt. Washington did want to raise state income taxes above the zero percent they had already reached; however, they needed to pay off their debts and increase the funds to the midnight underwater basket-weaving class for single mothers in the suburbs. Lt. Governor Robert Walker, a former attorney for Microsoft, floated an idea to solve the problem. Robert Walker wrote about the meeting where he came up his solution in his autobiography:
It was clear that the single mothers absolutely needed their midnight underwater basket-weaving classes. It was equally clear that there was no money in the budget for the expansion of the vitally important program. We in Washington had prided ourselves in the fact that we had no state income taxes. The citizens seemed to like that. Politically we could not start taxing our citizens or in the following election we would all lose our jobs. Then it struck me; why don’t we lease the naming rights to of the state to the highest bidder. The cabinet loved the idea. Governor Smith loved it. We quickly sold the state legislature on the idea. Within two weeks Boeing and Microsoft were bidding for the right to rename the state of Washington.
Washington was renamed the State of Microsoft when the software giant outbid Boeing with a bid of 750 million dollars up front and five million dollars a year for twenty-five years. One of the few times in the United States history the state of Washington/Microsoft led a trend. The other notable occurrence was the grunge movement of the 1990s.
Other states followed the state of Microsoft. Southern California became Disneystate and Northern California became the State of Apple. Wal-Mart bought the naming rights to Arkansas. By the year 2016 virtually every State had a major corporation buy the rights to change the name of the states. Georgia became Coca Cola while Oregon became Nike. In an upset New York became White Castle. The state formerly known as New Mexico became Joe’s Taco Shack. There was a major controversy when Mississippi tried to sell its name to CITGO, the foreign owned oil company. Mississippi did not care and soon they were the great State of Citgo.
In 2019 the Federal Government of the United States of America, having seen the success in all the fifty-one states, realized what a financial boon corporate sponsorship and naming rights could be for the budget and in reducing the deficit. Congress passed a bill that sold the United State’s name to Exxon. President Margaret Blakely signed it on April 17, 2019, officially changing America’s name to the Exxon States of America.
The federalism and the free market triumphed again.
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This is the list of the States with their old names in column one and their new names in column two.
States’ Old Names States’ New Names
Alabama Eoststems
Alaska Exxon
Arizona University of Phoenix
Arkansas Wal-Mart
Colorado Aspen Skiing Company
Connecticut Trumbull E-Manufacturing
Delaware DuPont
Florida Sunkist
Georgia Coca-Cola
Hawaii Dole
Idaho Micron Technology
Illinois Archer Daniels Midland
Indiana Eli Lilly
Iowa Principal Financial Group
Kansas Sprint
Kentucky Unbridled Spirit
Louisiana McIlhenny Co
Maine L. L. Bean
Maryland Martin Marietta Co
Massachusetts Kraft Foods
Michigan General Motors
Minnesota Target Co
Mississippi Citgo
Missouri AT&T
Montana Smith and Wesson
Nebraska Berkshire Hathaway
Nevada MGM Mirage
New Hampshire Seabrook Station
New Jersey Pfizer
New Mexico Joe’s Taco Shack
New York PepsiCo
North Carolina R J Reynolds
North Dakota North Dakota (after the Bank)
Northern California Apple
Ohio Procter & Gamble
Oklahoma Oneok
Oregon Nike
Pennsylvania Heinz
Rhode Island Citizens Financial
South Carolina Piggly Wiggly
South Dakota Network Imaging
Southern California Disneystate
Tennessee Fedex
Texas Valero
Utah Zions Bancorp
Vermont IBM
Virginia Phillip Morris
Washington Microsoft
West Virginia Coal Industry
Wisconsin Kohls
Wyoming Powder River Coal
