My Mother is in a Frail Care Center in a supportive living community in South Africa. I live in America. She became bedridden after surgery for a broken hip. She also has dementia and finds it difficult to speak.

My willingness to visit her is a miracle because until recently we'd had a long and painful relationship. We began to heal when I visited her a couple of years ago when my father was dying of cancer. We were at his beside together when he died.

I felt nervous about seeing my mother again. My brother and sister said she is mostly silent now.

I knew from my hospice volunteer work that being with my mother could be a challenge. It is gut wrenching work. The part of me that likes to live on automatic will resist sitting with her. I'd have to be fully present. Unfinished business and masks would have to drop away.

I also hoped it would be rewarding.

While packing I suddenly realized I could view my trip to see my mother as a pilgrimage. I immediately felt more peace.

Hospice work also helped me see that a nursing home can be a holy place were the veil between this life and the next is very thin. I knew if I could look beyond my ego's need for comfort to my soul's desire to connect with the presence of God in everyone I'd be okay.

My biggest fear was to return from the trip totally traumatized with only an ego experience.

I need not have feared. My visit with my Mom turned out to be extraordinary. She was a real love. Although her body and mind have withered and no longer work her spirit is strong. Her eyes are amazingly serene and there is a peace and radiance about her. All the anger and resentments between us are gone. My mother is now a gentle woman who lights up the room with her smile.

She is frail and looks like a small girl. She's also quite strong and often squeezed my hand with her bony fingers. At times she leaned forward and back raising one leg and then the other. Her physical therapist said she's surprisingly strong especially her good arm and stomach muscles.

Her movements are slow like Tai Chi. When she raises her head to look at me it's not a glance but a steady loving gaze. It's hard not to beam back when her tiny grin turns into a broad smile. Her appetite is good and to my surprise I enjoyed feeding her.

She's mostly silent now. Although she can't say much we all believe she understands. She frequently says..."yes, no, thank you, that's marvelous, I don't know or I don't think so" at appropriate times. She laughs with us and giggled when I read her a funny story. When I asked her what she was thinking after watching a video about Alaska's wildlife she replied, “about the animals.”

When her ring finger became so swollen that the ring cut her finger she repeatedly held out hand and said, “bad place.” When her care-takers and I were not able to remove the ring with soap and cold water I put ice on the finger till we found a ring cutter. A Frail Care maintenance man became our hero when he snipped the ring off her finger with a metal cutter. To our surprise my mother let out an enthusiastic “thank you.”

Her caretakers say she's wonderful to work with. One of their stars. I feel humbled and grateful to have been with her.

My visit with my Mom was indeed a pilgrimage and the nursing home a holy place. I now see her and her care-givers as “earth angels.”