AuthorsDen.com   Join | Login    
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    BOOKS    SAMPLE CHAPTERS    AUDIOBOOKS    eBOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    VIDEOS    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Margaret Mullings, iTrennis Killian, iRichard Cederberg, iElisabeth Barstowe, iMr. Ed, iRaven West, iMatt Miller, iMichael Gorton, iRoger Vizi, iTodd Cheney, i

  Home > Humor > Stories
Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

Ed Matlack

 Follow Me  

· Contact Me
· Poetry
· Stories
· Blog
· Messages
· 6,048 Titles
· 45,923 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: Aug, 2003

Ed Matlack, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.


Almost Eaten....thankfully I found I could fly...
by Ed Matlack
Sunday, February 15, 2004

Rated "G" by the Author.

       
Recent stories by Ed Matlack
· The Anchorage Marina
· Le' Cage' Blu...
· U-666
· Wednesday, March 6th, 1962
· 46 years since Woodstock 69...
· Growing up at the shore...
· The RAFT...
           >> View all 30


     Hey, they don't have a fishing category on this site,I mean fishing is life, gotta send a letter to the god of AD, Matt, LOL!

ALMOST EATEN…thankfully I found I could fly…


(absolutely not a poem, what it is I can’t say for sure…)


 


Was high while fishing and sailing once,


Fortunately I was stopped, so must have been fishing,


Or maybe it was fiddling, I don’ know,


Suffice it to say I was stopped, anchored, drunk, & high,


A dangerous & quite volatile combination,


But not for me, I was all alone, ceptin’ for Rufuz…


 


Anyway I was dancing around the salon and stern deck area,


To the music of some club in whatever town I was anchored off of,


Anyway, I was dancing and went out to the deck and hit some water,


Lot of that around in the ocean so hard to keep deck dry,


Slipped and fell towards the ocean,


And just at that split second a fish with murder on its eye,


Jumped up with its mouth wide open, teeth gleaming,


His dentist should be proud…


 


So, did I ever tell you that I could FLY!


Right back on the deck and back into the salon,


Locking the door, finishing the bottle, one last hit,


Before I sell this boat and get something bigger,


Can’t be havein’ them fishies jumping into the boat…


 


(What do you want from me, I said it was a fantasy/reality poem/story…I didn’t? [Sorry, well I meant it]


Okay, the whole story was reality or real except for the…


Lets see now, okay, so my boat was really small, not big enough for a salon, couldn’t stand up in the cuddy, unless you stuck your hear through the ceiling, there was a hole, NO WISE GUY, I DIDN’T PUT IT THERE WITH MY HEAD! What a schmutz, LOL!


And I was not dancing, I was kinda just standing there fighting with this little stinkin’fish on my line


He was not jumping in the boat, I would have really given my balls, well I would have to think about it first, to have had this fish just jump in the boat,


He was clearly not a happy fish he certainly had murder in his eye, or it might have been the fact that he also got caught up on something in the water, kinda the fish version of being between an irate fisherman, hunger in his eyes, & the little woman waiting for him to come back and stop playing with his fisherman buddies, or a rock and hard place, if your thick,


NOT exactly fly, well he jumped in the boat eventually, just as I was giving my one last pull, he and landed in a bear hug position, geez did he have shit breathe,


So I didn’t get something bigger, what point is that?


 


EVERY THING ELSE WAS REALITY, WAS THERE ANYMORE…? Oh, yeah, Rufuz wasn’t actually there,  he was not a boating dog at that time, he would jump in and make like he was ready to go and enjoy himself, but as soon as the first wave hit us, he was in the cuddy, hiding, whining, crying and generally shaking…must have been a cat in a former life, pussie…


 


                                                                                                                                (ed) © copywite 2004


 

Want to review or comment on this short story?


Need a FREE Reader Membership?


Reviewed by Duke LaRance 4/10/2020
My Man:

Hang on folks, yuh gotta a license to fly! Fiddlin' with wot? You wuz likely also dancin' at a saloon, the Funky Chicken, the Hokey Pokey? Hell, how would I know? You will always be the Clown Prince of the Den while this Little Guy is a mere usurper/pretender to the Throne.

Drugstore Cowboy
Reviewed by 000 000 9/21/2008
You are easily amused. I love that in a person..makes them a cheap date. Hilarious write!
CarolHawks
Reviewed by Lois Christensen 6/26/2008
Liked this fish story, flying huh? Well is Rufuz more adapted to sailing these days. He is your buddy though and will go where you go and stay faithfully by your side.
Reviewed by m j hollingshead 6/14/2006
enjoyed the read
Reviewed by Jill Carpenter 12/8/2005
Hey, you were FLY fishing! :o)
Very funny story. I believed every word too!
Jill
Reviewed by Ch'erie de Perrot 6/28/2004
Everyone has a fish story to tell, it's just the way it is...We can either tell tiddlers or 50 ft whalesharks hehe.

Onya mate
Ch'erie

Actually I wrote a poem not long ago bout fishing, but it was more about skeeters in the long run LOL
Reviewed by Carol Chapman 4/24/2004
I've heard fish tales, and fish whoppers, but fish choppers leave me running to hide *grin* Great story Ed.

Carol
Reviewed by P. Michaels 4/8/2004
Ed, I've been looking all over this fish story for that picture. It must be the one you drew with your words. You surely did tell a tall tale. I've noticed your picture at your site. You look an awfully lot like one of those guys a few of the children in my classrooms loved to imitate. LOL
Reviewed by Scott Zachary 2/21/2004
It's twue. I know it is, because you wrote it. And besides, Tweetie Bird said so. And my fish jump into the boat, too. That proves it! Now, pass the jay. Quit Bogart'ing that sucker.

Scott
Reviewed by Dan Summerfield 2/19/2004
Ed;

Didn't believe a word of it,

Knew in a second you were full of sh-t.

Next you'll tell us you're a frequent flier.

Ed, nobody likes an unbelieveable liar.

Besides I've told you twenty billion times,

If you're going to write a lie write one that rhymes.

Dan S.
Reviewed by Karla Dorman, The StormSpinner 2/17/2004
(((ed)))

LOL this is too funny

much better than my fishing story LOL i'm not kidding, my fish was MAYBE an inch long, the minnow i used 1/4 of an inch long...and i got the worst sunburn of my LIFE waiting to catch that darn fish LOL *worst sunburn until i went to avalon, n.j. in 1978--THAT one fried me worse than a fish fry LOL*

(((HUGS))) and love, and enjoyed your whale of a tale :)

karla.

love your new pic on the bio page--you, rufuz *wOOfers* and rene? :)
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 2/16/2004
ah, the perverbial fisherman's story; a funny and cute write! ah, i love to fish; but the last time i did, i caught a tEEEEEEEEEEEEENY TINNNNNNNY bluegill; it was so teeny tiny i had to put it back! I was so mad! >:(

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in tx., karen lynn. :D
Reviewed by Kate Clifford 2/16/2004
It is true the fisherman has his stories :-)
Reviewed by Tinka Boukes 2/16/2004
Okay Ed I believe you!!

Very well penned sasaSir!!

Love Tinka
Reviewed by Ed Matlack 2/15/2004
OKAy, the story it was a lie,
But the part about my ability to fly,
I do that every night when I get high,
And here I DON'T lie...
Peace thru Writing, ED

Free Book Review Program
Select a book to read and review today!

Poe: Pelted, Pounded, Pummeled and Pulverized by Jay Dubya

Author Jay Dubya satirzes in adult language and content 18 famous Edgar Allan Poe stories.  
Member BookAds

Hawthorne: Hazed Hooked Hammered & Hijacked by Jay Dubya

Hawthorne: Hazed Hooked Hammered & Hijacked is adult humor that satirizes 12 popular Nathaniel Hawthorne stories in parody form.  
Member BookAds

Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology by Jay Dubya

Mauled Maimed Mangled Mutilated Mythology is a collection of 21 famous myths that have been given adult spins and presentations.  
Member BookAds