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H D Rose

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Member Since: Jan, 2014

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We make ghosts
by H D Rose
Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Rated "G" by the Author.

       


     Start of a story.

 

 

The dirt clung to her shoes in wet clumps. The storm had made everything feel close. She was waiting for the sky to break, to clear the muggy air. The thunder rumbled beneath the hills. Stirring giants she thought. The sheet lightning rolled out the yellow above them. The first droplets of rain began to fall from the slate sky. The clouds shrouding the green hills, a nickel plated cloak for the giants beneath the earth.  


 

 

The outcrop of rocks she mingled between started to slowly change colour as the rain ran down their tired faces. Her little yellow mac stark against the dull backdrop. Her hood appearing between the larger upright stones. Echoing the flashes in the sky. Hugging the outline of the outcrop she settled on a large towering stone. She lay flat against the rock to shelter from the storm. Like a fledgling bird she hung on finding natural hand grooves in the rocks surface;she was not quite ready to let go. The rain came tumbling from the clouds now, the sound seemed to be all around, reverberating back to her. It was November, the gentle autumn rains now being swept away as Winter began to edge it’s way in.


She  loved the bounce of the droplets and the sound they made as they hit her waterproof layer. She watched them splay in different directions down her sleeve; reminding her of the raindrop races on car windows from the long journeys of her childhood. She hoped coming here would be cathartic for her in some way. Instead it took her right back to all the thoughts and feelings she tried to bury beneath the hills.

 

 

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Reviewed by Ronald Hull 6/22/2016
Too small of a start to know where it is going…

Some nice phrasing expressed. It's should be its and splay should probably be spray, splat or splash.

Ron

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