And the following autumn all tears that remained dried,I burnt down all the broken pieces of my heart that somewhere somehow escaped the tyranny of my tragedy and always ached and sold out all the emotions I cultivated.I had no worries now.no heart to break,no emotions to feel and obviously no tears to shed.It quite actually helped me too.what years of spring couldn't bring,winter just passed it to me and I smiled in ages as so I remeber.I wouldn't say I lived the same life again but after I had nothing to break,and cry,and be heartbroken for I felt kind of revived.I behaved like I had it all figured out.and finally things again started becoming normal.

 

 

 

when you see your neighbor's son taller than you last remembered,your garden swallowed by weeds and knee-high grass,being struck by seeing a x-max tree reminded you of every christmas' you didn't celebrate,the harvest and everything makesyou realize that it is just you that stopped,time danced in the epiphany of your miseries and just passed by and your love for the lost blinded you to see that.And suddenly you get a feeling that those who were there to share your pain,promised who'd be there no matter whatever,whatever happened and cared for you just pretended that they did and all they shared were beer cans and wine bottles until they were empty,left when you needed them most and did what even enemies wouldn't.But there's no complain on that one too because those who oathed to live together and die along with tears,no not tears if those were tears it should have hurt them,with tears like thing in their eyes and a fake heartbeat that you believed beated only for you left without a single trace,what else can you expect from others. 

 

 

 

You try everything.Burn their clothes,tear all pictures,even sell the house that you lived in together and not even a single thread that reminded you of the betrayer,it occurs to you that you can't just shoot the memories,burn or tear them.And what were your sweetest dream becomes your ugliest nightmares.You empty bottles,smoke the hell out,try to be occupied but the memories,they just don't seem to quit.They're all over your brain like white on rice.When empty bottles don't help,no weed or cocaine can intoxicate away your thoughts and you're too scared or heatless to kill yourselves you'll discover that the only way to deal with your pain is to just go with it.

 

 

 

However pain seemed to breach the extent of your patience and even if you don't have a heart something still ached in your chest.And eventually that pain will kick you to a place that you came yesterday,the day before that and many days before,a place where the previous day you promised yourselves would never return back and the pain just won't let you keep it.But still you won't stop to promise yourselves and stop going there everyday,and the days likely to come until the day you will be finally there.You reach there and eventually all you can do is stare their name for hours,talk alone like a freak,sometimes curse and be sorry for that as nothing comes out of a tombstone.All that comes is soft whistling of the wind and dead leaves that are brushed along the wind,of the trees in the graveyard,and oh yeah an additional cavalry to your pain too.Someday you don't speak a word wait if something will come out,if you will be asked but that just limits to your one impossible expectation,a daydream because dead don't ask for anything,that's the only benefit of being dead.And somewhere,somehow all your attepmts to forget fails and still you find them living in your heart and memories,attached like your shadow,playing in your spines,basic like the air itself.They wouldn't just let go.