The pain and heartache you feel when you lose a loved one
The older I get, the more I begin to realize how very lonely getting old can be! I sometimes think of all of the friends and family that I no longer have; all of the good times that I no longer enjoy; all of the things I once did that I can no longer do!
I am the youngest of 11 children. I lost my sister Katie years ago and still I miss her every day for she was not only my sister but she was also my best friend and my support system. Any problem I had I could take it to her to direct me and help me figure things out. Even though she was 11 years older than I, we did everything together; we were a team, a well oiled machine! When I lost her I was devastated and I still feel the loneliness of not having her around. Since Katie's death, I have lost 5 other siblings who I think of often and miss dearly.
As you all know my son Darian was shot and killed in 2000 and what was the remainder of my so called happy world fell apart. Deeply apart!! After having experienced so much pain and loss and suffering, now the termination of what ever (if any) happiness I had left inside of me was upon me. The void I felt was unbearable and I did not think there was ever any more happiness for me to behold in this life time. My son's death almost destroyed me; but it didn't and I give praises to my God for bringing me thru that loss as well as all of the others, including my mom and dad. There will be no more family gatherings which I used to look so forward to and the world seems to be getting smaller and smaller.
Now it was finally time for me to get on with this life that had been destined for me. It was finally time for me to devote the time I had left in being here for my son, my grand-daughters my remaining sisters and the rest of my awesome family that I have been blessed with and who have stood my me in thick and thru thin and who I love so very, very much.
I had spent the last 20 years or so after my sons death leading a necessary but content and quiet existence with my soul-mate who had helped me get through so many tough times in my life asking for nothing in return. He was my rock, my shoulder to lean on and to cry on and now he too is only a memory. The Lord called him to join Darian and the rest of my family who loved him as much as I did. He was my soul mate and I look so forward to that day when we will all be together again. Oh what a joyous day that will be! So many people I have loved in my life are now gone and I can only look forward to the day when I will see them all again. All I have now are memories, good memories and I will cherish those memories so dear to my heart forever.
To all of my loved ones who are still here, let me tell you now while I can, how very much I love you all and I appreciate the love you have shown me through the years. I pray that I will have many more good years to share with you all because it is so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
It's hard for me to imagine so many losses in one family. I am the last from a family of six. It's tough to not be able to share with anyone the good times and the bad. Maybe it's because we are kind of tough and crusty too. Much love to you, Gloria.
So much love lost. So much of your support group of family (and friends?) gone. I do hope you get your wish to be with them again, if only in your dreams.
My siblings are still very much alive. And I have no great feeling of loss for all of my older family who have lived their lives so well. I always sought them out in their old age because I knew they were lonely and I could light up their day by my mere presence.
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