Nell pushed open the car door and climbed out. She had arrived in the park just as the sun was coming up.  The sky was blue. A strong wind pushed down the side of the mountain and into the forest of dense pine making the trees groan and creak.  With no one around, Nell stood tall, brave and confident.  Here was a place where she could release her worries. Let them fly with the birds. Let her fears be gone.

                She leaned into the car and grabbed her backpack. It was a little heavy, but how could she avoid that?  She wanted her cell phone, binoculars, her camera, a bottle of water and some snacks.  She put a small map of the park’s trails in her jacket pocket. Should she take a pocket knife? She slipped one into a side pocket on the backpack. Now she was ready.

                She swung the pack on her back and looked around.  It was spring.  It had been chilly, but today was promising to warm up. To the north of the parking lot was the trail marker sign. She stepped forward and headed in that direction.  The forest had the smell of fresh soil, soaked by the spring rains. It was delicious. Nature welcomed her and she went into it assured that all would be well.

                As she walked the trail, she called out the names of the trees. Sugar Pine, Tamarack and Ponderosa Pine, Golden Cup Oak, Quaking Aspen and some Cottonwood.  It had been a long time since she had hiked in the woods alone.  She thought of people she had gone hiking with. Most of the time she was caught up in conversations.  She looked across a meadow and saw Mountain Iris and Columbine blooming in small purple and white bouquets. In a ravine she saw the slender stalks of Rocky Mountain Pussytoes.  They made her laugh.  As a child they delighted her with the feel of a real kittens paws.  She walked further down the trail until she saw huge rocks jutting up from the earth. One sun-drenched rock had a small sharp-tailed snake warming itself.   Furry little chipmunks dashed about the stones and through the grass.  Here the animals were wild and free.

                Nature was so reassuring. There was no point crying over it. Her life was winding down.  The doctor’s diagnosis was something difficult to face, yet she had to admit, she had lived a good and interesting life.  Now she wanted to sit with Mother Nature. Thank her and move on.  Would there be a next life?  Would she come back as a mouse or a hawk?  Anything was possible.  These mountains had black bears and cougars.  Would she someday be one of them?

                She thought of her pet, Amber, a big orange tomcat with bright yellow eyes. Amber used to sit on her lap and purr so hard it vibrated through Nell’s belly. Amber had lived to the ripe age of 21. He had been with her through so much of her life.  She remembered how he used to paw at her when she was gazing deep into the computer, reading emails and writing short stories.  His paw would jab at her again and again until she had to look down at him.  “Feed me,” his eyes seemed to say. She would feel a pang of regret, then apologize, “Amber, oh, I’m so sorry, you’re hungry.”  She would follow him as he padded his way toward the kitchen with his big round toes.  After he ate, he would come back to her to sleep on her lap as she continued to browse the internet.

                But Amber was gone now. And maybe, if the doctor was right, Nell too would cross the “rainbow bridge.”  Nell stopped walking to view the giant pines on the slopes of the mountains. The wind bent the tree tops, made them roar.  Water droplets flew through the air, a remnant of yesterday’s rain.  Nell pushed ahead.

                Nell was now getting very far down the trail. The map indicated an outcropping of rock and a place marked as a lookout.  That would be interesting.  She had been there before years ago and vaguely remembered the incredible view from there.  She hurried along. 

                Soon she arrived at the rocky point.  The boulders were tumbled about as though a giant had tossed them down the side of the steep slope.  Looking out, Nell could see the towering pines and below a river.  Along its edge was a small town.  She looked at her map and tried to figure which town that could be. She watched as a car and a truck rolled along a distant road toward the town. How small they looked from this vantage point. Little toys of no significance.

                Taking off her backpack, she sat on a rock and enjoyed the view, the warmth of the sun, the freedom of not having any obligations to fulfill. Her escape from doctor’s visits and potential treatments that may make her sick…make her life not worth living…if the treatments were even capable of saving her.

                She pushed these thoughts out of her mind. She looked down.  Now the boulders seemed to have a pattern. They formed a stairwell. She looked at her map. There was a trail running off toward a small pond.  There could be turtles, fish or some deer coming for a drink.  That would be nice to see.  Nell lifted her backpack and put it over one shoulder.  She stepped from one rock to the next, moving downward, pausing occasionally to look out again.

                Now the trail was becoming more challenging.  She went again from rock to rock, but sometimes had to crouch to be able to move across large slippery stones. At one point she had to squeeze between two very large rocks. Now she was standing on a ledge.  Below was a drop of about sixty feet.  From here she could look up at rock and down at rock. She had arrived at the midpoint.  She studied the surfaces below her to determine which way was best.  She took another look at her map.  If she went west, she could connect to a shorter trail that would get her to the pond with maybe less climbing.  

                She moved forward.  Her backpack, still swinging from one shoulder, was tipping her too close to the edge. Panic rushed through her body as she felt herself reaching out to grasp the clouds.

                Down, down, down with no way to stop. She felt her arms flailing about as her legs dropped through a crack in the stone. She heard a popping sound. Felt a slicing pain, a hard thump to her forehead and then she disappeared, even from herself.

                How much time had passed? What is time when you have so little of it left?  She awoke and looked up at the sky. She realized that she was still alive.  

                Her hand reached out and found that her body was lying on bare rock. She tried to move. Pain shot from her lower leg to her hip. Blood was dripping from her forehead.  Her hands still functioned, but ringing noises filled her ears. She realized that she had fallen. Her backpack was still on, but she could not reach behind to access it.  She thought how close her cell phone was, only inches away, but she felt too much pain to do anything about it. Regret engulfed her. How stupid she was for not putting her backpack on properly. She laid on the rock and cried.

                It could have been an hour or an eternity. The sun crossed the sky, heating the rock. Nell felt the heat with her hands. She tasted her own blood that had dried on her lip. She knew she was injured but could do nothing. She looked out at the sky where the clouds calmly drifted over head. She looked down to the valley where the river calmly rolled between fields and forest, past the small town. It was so peaceful. She looked along the rocks that formed a heap around her.  Strangely, her eyes could only see the colors.  She could not focus on their edges.

                One of the rocks began to move. Or was it a rock?  Dark tan on top with white below. Wouldn’t a rock in the sun be lighter on top? The rock moved again. It had legs.  It had a tail. It was moving from one boulder to another as if searching for the safest way down to the valley below.  Nell watched it. Could it be a cougar? A mountain lion?  She knew there were black bears in the region, but everyone knew that cougars were extinct—or almost so.  The chances of seeing one would be so unlikely.

                Nell smiled. It was a cougar. She was experiencing a rare sighting of an animal nearly driven to extinction.  Humans who feared animals larger than themselves had done everything they could to destroy this species.  Nell lifted her upper body to try to get a better look. The cat saw her movement and gazed over at her. The two stared at each other.

                Nell could see that the animal had not been doing well. It was so thin that its rib cage showed even when it was standing still.  The cat’s nipples hung through her fur. Was she feeding young? If so, she really needed help.

                Then it occurred to Nell.  She, herself, needed help. Fear shot through her body like electricity. She needed to call for rescue. She could not spend the night here on a cliff with a hungry cat nearby.  Nell bent her arm and tried to release her backpack so she could get to her cell phone.  Why had she put her cell phone in the side pocket?  She found the pocket knife instead.  The knife slipped from her fingers, rolled across the rock and dropped to the forest below.

                Oh, that was a lot of help. Nell was furious. She looked down at her leg. Maybe she could limp out of here. But how? She would either have to climb back up or make her way down. Down would be easier. Yeah, just roll off the rock like the knife did. You’ll be down there in seconds. Sarcasm. Where did that come from?

                She was feeling stupid again and scolded herself for going into the wildlife reserve by herself. How many years had she been hiking? How many times had she heard or read—to be safe, always go with a buddy. But everyone was busy today. None of her friends had the time off from work.  She could have hiked the local county park. It would have been a lot safer. Now here she was between a rock and a hard spot. Ha, ha, ha. Humor now, where did that come from? She needed to be serious if she was going to survive. She reached again for her backpack. In which pocket had she tucked the cell phone?   

                She looked out across the boulders only to see the cat was moving closer.  It had come horizontally across the rocks and was now sitting nearby looking at her.  Curiosity in its big yellow eyes. It sniffed the air. Surely it could smell the blood of a human.  Nell knew these cats preferred deer.  But would it settle for some two-footed meat today?   Finally she squeezed the cell phone out of her backpack. She dialed for help. Maybe Richard was home by now.  As she waited for him to respond, her backpack tumbled away, down over the edge.

                No! The sandwich, the water, the apple. All gone! Beyond reach. She had nothing to eat for lunch.  How could she have messed up so badly today? Here with a broken bone, a mountain lion watching her, a cut on her head. Who knows maybe a concussion?  She dialed 911. Maybe there would be a park ranger nearby. The phone rang, but no answer. Then it shut down.

                Nell leaned back and looked up at the sky. Here she was calling for help and she might be dead in just a few months.  She watched a vulture fly over.  It glided back.  She could see it turn its bald pink head as if to get a better look at her.  She waved her hand. “I’m not dead yet,” she called out.  The bird turned and drifted down to the river valley. 

                It didn’t matter. She was in nature. Nell felt at peace.  She looked over to see where her struggling friend, the mountain lion, might be. It had moved in closer. It was hunkered down and slinking through some grass that had managed to take hold among the rocks.  Nell admired the beauty of its fur. So sad that such a gorgeous animal could perish at the hands of cowardly humans.

                The cat moved again. It was now near the edge of Nell’s boulder. She could hear its breath. She looked into those big yellow eyes. They reminded her of Amber.  The cougar raised its head. Its nostrils sniffed the air. Such a beautiful beast. Nell raised up on her shoulder. The cat turned its head downward and glared at her.  “I’m still alive,” Nell said to the cat as if objecting.  She watched as the cat bared its teeth and leaped. Nell felt its need, “Feed me!”