Remember that song by Vanessa Williams, a long way home. Somewhere in the song she says “throw your things into the bus and sit among the curious; it happens to the best of us you know.” Before I start my story let me share the words to that song….atleast as much as I can remember It’s hard to say from where you stand, exactly how it all began, But someplace there a point you crossed the line. You see the tears that stain your face mirrored in your make up case, And know its time to leave this place behind It’s a long way home; it’s a long way home It’s a long way home, trying to retrace your steps, When it’s all to easy to forget, just which way to go It’s a long way home. Outside the sky is threatening you slowly gather up your things, And wonder how you ever will survive. Walking out so self assured, yea you were gonna save the world, Walking back a child in the rain Throw your things into the bus, and sit among the curious, it happens to the best of us you know I thought of this song as I was listening to my friend make for the hundredths time a resolution to not allow men to take advantage of her. You see she has been down this road maybe a thousand times, she meets a guy, he says all the right things, next thing you know she can’t stop talking about him and she is in love. This time though I feel she really does mean it. She has gotten to that point where the face mirrored in her makeup case is not one she likes at all and so she takes the journey back. This is recent heartbreak was brutal; the guy verbally and emotionally abused her. He was one of the mean ones who feel they have to tear you to pieces because they don’t want you anymore. Here is her story Her’s is the ultimate success story. She grew up in a poor family, brightest child in her family she was educated through scholarships. In her high school years she discovered a love for politics, and starts writing letters to the government of the day, a feat that landed her in jail at an early age. Later she goes into university and undeterred by the short prison stay, she joins the league of activists in the various Non-governmental organizations in the country. She graduates in law and earns a scholarship to London School of Economics. Five years later she is lecturing at the university, she is a member of the prestigious national and international commissions, and holds director position on the boards of various organizations while still doing independent consulting in matters relating to policy development. You must be thinking, well she has everything, but it’s not true . While her career is definitely on the right track the little naïve girl from the village is yet to find something she craves for desperately a companion. She has met a lot of guys, all whom know about her from her high profile associations, but they all seem to have the same profile; insecure, philandering liars. This last guy had a lot going for him, atleast from the outside, a real looker (yea! She couldn’t believe it at first because every other person who had shown interest before was a toad), very charming, stylish, nice job, nice car. As I said from the outside, a man a lot of women would want to be seen with. Because she was so amazed at such a guy being interested in her, the initial signs he might be a ‘player’ were let to slide. You know the cellphone that’s always off when they are together, that he never took her anywhere, they always spent time at his house or her house. Then he started disappearing for days, which then turned into weeks without seeing him and he would claim he is really busy. One time she called him and he said he was out of town, and she went out with some friends only to find him at the club. He apologizes and claims that his friends begged him to travel the next day. She is hurt but she loves him. The relationship goes on, the guy got abit scared when he was caught at the club so he reforms slightly. The festive season was coming up and they were to celebrate the six month anniversary by taking a holiday together and she had been looking forward to it. But a month before Christmas the guy starts acting up again, he cant be reached on cellphone, he is always busy, doesn’t come to see her and she is doing all the calling. Come third week of December, on Christmas eve, she called to ask him what the plan was and would they be going away as planned. He claimed to be slightly busy but would pass by her house that evening. He didn’t come by the house, he called instead and the words he spoke have never left her mind. Each word felt like someone was clawing at the walls of her stomach with steel claws and pouring acid on the wounds. He told her he wasn’t going anywhere with her and he had had enough of her disturbing him. She wasn’t his type of woman; she was too fat, too short, and not stylish enough or cultured enough for him. She had no idea what it takes to please a man, being with her was like making love to a stuffed animal. The room spun around her, nausea overwhelmed her and she started vomiting, her heart felt like it would jump out of her chest and the pain, every bit of her hurt. She couldn’t even stand and tears rushed forth from her heart. All she could think of was, it’s Christmas for crying out loud, even if you had to break up with me why at this time and more important why this way. But it had happened and she would have to deal with it. “But not now, tomorrow if I have the strength, I will.” It’s been a year since, and the woman before me amazes me. She still believes she is going to find a guy who will love her and to whom she can give everything she has within her. But this time she know exactly how she wants to be loved. She has taken that ride too many times, this time she is taking a different bus and heading for a new direction. She has taken the time to get to know herself and know exactly what she needs, and what she doesn’t want. The woman sitted before is impeccable, she is full of live, refined, very unlike the girl who was brutally assaulted by a one fickle, insecure, philandering man after another. To get to where she is today, she has rejected many a suitor, cancelled many dates, not just to protect herself but also protect them from the judgement and attitudes she had formed because of her experiences. You see every experience we go through leaves a scar, and this scar is usually like a coat of pain over you. Some colours look good on you, others make you a horrid sight. Some experiences will colour you so much they will even affect your sight, so that you are seeing the world through coloured glass. Every so often we need to step back, look at our make-up cases and peel off the layers of paint until we find that person we like and can live with everyday. Then we present that to the world. And we will never really feel at home with ourselves unless we take this journey to find the real you, the face that you remember from your mirror.