~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Alaska Dawn here.  Tape recording this for Mom to type up later, since it's hard using my arms and hands.  She's at work.

So you know that I tried to end it all in October.  I was very depressed and didn't know how to handle things, so ...

So glad I failed.  So glad I'm alive.

SO much has happened.  Good things.  

Ummm ... let's see.  I don't go to public school any more.  Mom homeschools me.  I'm doing great.  She's a pretty good teacher.  And I don't have the bullies to deal with!    

I'm going to counseling three days a week.  It's been hard, but Pattye doesn't judge.  She just lets me talk.

And she's a good listener.  Even when I ramble.

I do that a lot.  Ramble.  So many thoughts.

I just wish I could have talked to Mom.  Maybe I wouldn't have tried to commit suicide.  You know?

Talking to Pattye has helped me open up to Mom more.  Hey, Mom:  I love you!!

Where was I?  Oh, yeah.  *Giggles*

RAMBLE.  *Giggles*

Guess what?!?  Mom and I are Christians now!  Yeah, REALLY.  It's Rosemarie's fault.  LOL  I love you, Rosemarie!!

Rosemarie is a co-worker of Mom's.

Ummm.  So, anyway, she invited Mom and me to go to her church, to see a play.  

We were not sure we wanted to go.  We weren't church going people.  

Especially since Dad died.

We weren't exactly thrilled with God for that one.  You know?

I was afraid they were going to shove Jesus down my throat.  You know how CHURCH PEOPLE are, right?  But they DIDN'T.  They just welcomed us with open arms and hugs and love.  If they noticed I can't move normally, they didn't say anything.  

I LOVED that.

The play was called, 'Christmas Is Closed.'  It was good.  Really good.

Although I embarrassed myself when two of the characters in the play crashed their shopping carts RIGHT in front of me.  I screeched like a banshee and about wound up in Mom's lap.

Yeah, people laughed.  But I wasn't the only one who jumped!  *Giggles*
 
During the play, I got to feeling awful.  Not sick awful, but ... awful.  I felt like ... dirty, somehow.  You know?

I found out the Reason for Christmas was the birth of a Savior.  The Hope for all mankind.

I started bawling.  HARD.  I couldn't help myself.

Let's face it.  I was a sinner.  Because I thought bad things.  Was rude to Mom (especially after Dad died).  I was angry.  MOM was angry.  I cussed.  A LOT.  (Mom used to call me her 'Little Potty Mouth.)  I tried to take my life when it wasn't mine to take.  You know?

I wondered if Jesus could love me.  I wondered if He could save me.

I looked over at Mom, and she was bawling, too.  Almost as hard as I was.

There was no hesitation:  almost before the invitation was given, we were at the alter, confessing our sins and asking Jesus into our hearts.

And we were changed.  MAN.  I can't stop talking about HIM!

I just feel ... loved.  At peace.  And incredibly blessed.

We're going to church now.  And I'm reading the Bible, too!  Yeah, ME.  WHOO-HOOO!  What have I been missing?!???  *Giggles*

And I haven't even thought to say a bad word since!

No, it hasn't changed the fact I'm disabled.  THAT hasn't changed, but I don't feel so ugly any more.  It's okay.

God loves me for me and THAT'S totally cool.   

Oh, and guess WHAT?!???  Last week?  We were at home, before Mom had to go to work?  There was a knock at the door.

When Mom answered it --

Sorry, this still makes me cry.  When Mom answered the door, there were several people standing there, arms full of gifts.  We were like, 'What the hey?!??'

Turned out they were from a Christian radio station.  Someone had nominated us for a Christmas Gift!

I'm not kidding.  Mom got:  two thousand dollars to help out with bills (most of them medical, thanks to me).  Another  thousand dollars for food.  Our rent's gonna be paid for six months!  She got some gift certificates for the local massage place.

I know she's gonna love that.  Since I caused a lot of her stress.  Sorry, Mom!!   

And:  A BRAND NEW CAR!!!!  Well, not BRAND new.  Slightly used.  But it's new to us!  A beautiful orange Kia Soul!

Good.  Mom can get rid of The Hunk-A-Lunk of Burning Junk (that one after the wiring caught on fire), AKA The Clunker, AKA Poop on Wheels (although we used a different word for 'poop'), AKA ...

We had a lot of nicknames for Mom's car.  *Giggles*  Most of them not very nice.  *Giggles*

Sorry, Lord.  I repent.  But they weren't!

The Soul couldn't have come at a better time.

Mom just about passed out at that one.  I came close.  *Giggles*

Oh, my word.  We were shouting and jumping all over the place and bawling our eyes out!  Surprise no one called the cops, we were making so much noise.  *Giggles*

And they didn't leave me out, either!  I got clothes and more clothes and gift cards to Books 4 More and new shoes and an appointment for a haircut and an MP4 player and a new camera and get THIS:

I got a new kitten!  She's ADORABLE.  She's a long haired fuzzball.  I think they said she's a Raccoon or something like that.  No, not a raccoon ... but she has a stripey tail like one, and it's just about as bushy!  

I love her.  I'm thinking of naming her 'Puppy.'  Because she follows me around like a little dog.  *Giggles*

She snuggles up under my chin at night and purrs me to sleep.

Awwe.  

You sitting down?  The stuff they got us was amazing.  Mind blowing.  But that's not the BEST thing.  The BEST thing is this:

WE'RE GOING TO ALASKA!!!!  We got a ten day all expenses paid trip to Alaska!  We go in September.  A seven day cruise and three days on land.

Now I can see the Land Mom's always talking about.

You know she named me for Alaska (the state), right?  Because her and Daddy lived there for two years.  I was conceived there.  She fell head over heels in love with it, so she named me Alaska Dawn so she could always remember THE GOOD TIMES.

HOW COOL IS THAT?!???  Can't.  WAIT!  

At least I didn't break anything when I passed smooth out.

This time.  *Giggles*

See, I have a disability called arthrogryposis multiplex congenita, or AMC.  Born with it.

One of the reasons I was bullied.  It caused my joints to kind of freeze and causes muscle weakness, especially in my arms and shoulders.  My wrists are pretty much fused.  And I can't just throw out my arms to stop a fall.  

Ask Mom:  I've gone to the emergency room more times and broken more bones than we can count.

Doing a faceplant hurts.  I know.

Oh!  Forgot to tell you, Mom quit one of her jobs.  She was working at Wal Mart, but she wanted to spend more time with me.  So now, she teaches me in the morning, and then goes to work at the restaurant in the afternoon, and then works at the convenience store in the evenings.

She's home around midnight.  She's getting more rest.  She looks better than she has been.

Sorry, Mom, you were looking a little rough there. 

And Bindu (her boss at the convenience store) gave her weekends off.  AND a raise.  WHOO-HOO!!!

God is so good!!!

Oops, hear Mom at the door, so I'll get off for now.  HI, MOM!!  I'm just taping my journal now.  You know, the one Pattye said I should do?  How was work?  I love you!!  Want me to make you a sandwich?  Oh, I was just recording my journal for you to type up --OH CRAP!!!

Forgot I left the recorder on.  D'UH!!!  Talk to you later ... God bless you!  BYE!!  *Giggles*

(Tape off)