I have to go with C. Lee McKenzie on this one when I say this, you got a strong write here. You should make this one at least about three pages longer. Expand the paragraphs, it is very descriptive but you need to make them a little longer. It is a very human story, and that is the kind I seem to relate to in the sense of the way it is written. Very relatable characters with this one.
Well, I like it. It's a piece of the bigger story--a slice out of a day on duty. Have you considered putting it into a larger context? Say a novella with a diary entry format. It is most assuredly true that when you write about what you know or love, the writing is strong.
The Commander and the Chief take on the rogue Deep State: the Gunfight at the UK Corral, missing Redcoats in the Nevada Triangle, and nuclear blackmail!
The higher you go into the hills, the deeper the secrets...
A seemingly innocent piece of mail shatters the illusion of Beverly Hills luxury, forcing a terrifying statement from a powerful action movie mogul: "they can't kill us fast enough."
Jack Brennan is hired by a group of ultra rich English aristocrats to kidnap four top IRA terrorists. The contract is time limited but do the financial rewards justify the risk?
