That’s right. Roll over and turn off the alarm. It’s been buzzing since 1995 and you keep setting it back on snooze. Stop mumbling and get your butt up. Time to get to moving. But hey! I’m not talking about rising from your normal 8 hour repose nor am I aping Spike Lee’s joint. I’m overusing this as a weight loss metaphor (I know you like it when I use the big words).
It’s like this: If you are overweight, it’s because you must have been sleeping. Hibernating to be exact. All rolled up and cushy in your bearskin rug or down filled duvet – whatever. Your body figured that since you were packing on the extra carbs and the fat that you MUST have been getting ready for a 5 year hibernation. You certainly didn’t need that burger and fries (YOU KNOW YOU HAD A SHAKE WIT’ DAT!) to fuel you up for that day, right? So your bod’ just stored the excess away for you when it just knew you would be holed up in a cave for 6 months without benefit of even a frozen fish stick dinner.
Truth is though, you never made it to the cave and you’ve been carrying around your reserves like a camel in the Sudan. Only the camel has better legs. Yours’ are all chunky with the cottage cheesy-looking fat. Just face facts – There is no cave. You need no reserves because you eat 3 squares. You need to get rid of those humps. More than two bellies should be against the law. You ain’t got a thyroid condition. You don’t have diabetes (yet!). The time to be depressed over that last relationship is over. I don’t care if your momma, daddy, granddaddy or great aunt Ginny are fat. No excuses. Your life depends on it.
I’m only trying to get you moving in a forward direction. I don’t care why or when you fell asleep, it’s time to wake up and take action. Start listening to your body. It’s probably been laboring under tremendous pressure and you just keep ignoring it. Listen to the little stuff: headaches, joint aches, water retention, backaches, tiredness, extreme dry skin, cold feet (oh yeah, and I should know ‘cause I got those ‘Popsicle Toes’), pimples, rashes, constipation (yes I went there), nail and hair growth.
The list is long, but the small stuff adds up. No one’s asking you to become a hypochondriac (big word # 2, I’m on a roll), just be aware of the signs that your overworked and abused body is giving you. Wake up, take action and prove to your body that you love it, ‘cause it ain’t exactly feeling the love right now.
Taking action now is hard because you have so much to do. But that’s alright, we’ll just take it in tiny action steps and watch as they build up to your most beautiful, humpless body in the next year. Yeah, I said a year. Stop whining. It took you longer to get that hibernation fat on in the first place.
Democratic Dilemmas and Divine Inspiration examines the significance or relevance of the idea that the U.S. Constitution was, as many believe, divinely inspired. How much did that belief matter to founders of the nation and how much does it matter no
