Hello children. Today I want to tell you a story that happened a long time ago. Once upon a time in a far away country, there was a donkey with the name of Donald. Donald was a grouchy donkey. All he wanted to do was eat hay and sleep. He loved freshly cut sweet hay. He loved to be flattered. He demanded flattery and loyalty.

 

He also loved chasing golf balls around a big golf course. Yes, they had golf back in those days just like today. He would always dig out patches of fresh grass leaving bare spots. The golf course looked like a patchwork quilt when Donald got finished tearing out patches of grass. This grass must have had powerful cleansing effects because Donald was also leaving a trail of droppings behind him. He never cleaned up after himself. Golfers following Donald had to clean up themselves, their clubs and the course.

 

His owner was a young man named Joe. Every time Joe would pack something on Donald’s back, Donald would get so angry. Donald would stamp his hooves and refuse to move. He shook his head and told Joe he wasn’t going to move. “Hee haw! I ain’t moving.” (Back in those days, animals and people talked to each other.)

 

One day, the King named C. Augustus said his whole country would be taxed. Everyone had to return to the town where they were born and register with the authorities to pay the tax. 

 

Joe who was living in a small town knew he had to go back to his birthplace to register. How was Joe going to carry his luggage and his pregnant fiancé, Maria. Joe knew he would have to get Donald to carry Maria and their luggage. 

 

Joe decided to trick Donald. He told Donald that he was going on a very short trip but at the end of the trip Donald would have all the fresh cut hay he wanted. So expecting fresh cut hay, Donald agreed to go.

 

They left on a bright sunny morning. They traveled all day. By noon, Donald was oh so tired.his feet hurt and his back was sore with the weight of Maria and the luggage. He was also not so skinny himself. But he really looked forward to that sweet hay at the end of the trip. “Are we there yet?” He kept asking.

 

“No, Donald, it is just a short way ahead.”

 

Around the next bend, Donald spied a golf course that he had never seen before. He pulled his the reins from Joe’s hands and trotted to the course. He began tearing huge chunks of grass from the putting greens leaving bare patches if earth on the greens. One of his droppings filled the cup on the green. 

 

It was all Joe could do to get Donald back on track. When they finished the first day they spent the night camped by the side of the road.

 

After many days and weeks with Donald swearing about the damned taxes that caused the trip the humans reached Joe’s birthplace. Donald had sore hooves, an aching back, and pulled muscles. Donald realized he had been conned into this long trip. He was pissed. “Where’s my sweet hay you promised?” 

 

“Well Donald, I guess there is no sweet hay.” 

 

“The least you could do is get a decent room.”

 

“No can do Donald. Gotta use my money for taxes.”

 

To make things worse, they couldn’t find a room to rest their weary heads. And if they did find one they couldn’t have afforded it anyway. Got to use the money for taxes. The only place available was an old barn with old moldy hay. Joe left the others and went into town. He returned shortly with an arm load of fresh hay and put it in the manger where Maria planned to give birth.

 

Fresh hay! Donald’s eyes lit up like the signals of a railroad crossing gate. When Joe and Maria weren’t looking, the Donald scarfed up the hay in the manger and sat back with a satisfied toothy grin. Now I can get some sleep he thought. Unfortunately, Maria had given birth and the between a squealing baby from the missing hay which made the manger very scratchy and uncomfortable, the many visitors with useless gifts like gold and smelly perfumes, “out of tune” Angels, braying camels  and babbling sheep, Donald got no sleep. The final straw came for Donald when some bratty kid showed up with drums. Rats-tat-tat! 

 

He was pissed. Also his stomach was very upset with the wet hay. (They didn’t have diapers either back then.) The upset stomach caused no small amount of fumes. Just like Big Macs do in the Oval these days. 

 

Donald brayed and bellowed and the commotion caused a lot of attention from neighbors which led to even more visitors. 

 

The next morning Donald was in a fowl mood and with his hooves write out a short message in the dirt of 140 characters insulting C. Augustus for his damned taxes. The message was reported to the authorities who charged Donald for collusion with the Romans and for obstructing justice by being so stubborn. All because of those damned taxes.

 

One day Joe came to Donald and said, “Donald, I have some bad news. Herod the king is killing all male children under two years of age. We now have to go to Egypt.”

 

And that children is why The Donald hates taxes and still writes early morning messages. He still loves golf though and still leaves the course in a mess for others to clean up,after. When golfers see they are following the Donald, they still draw lots to avoid following him. And to this day, the Donald still carries a lot of weight.