Why is it that I wake up EVERY morning feeling so VERY sad.  All I want to do is cry.  I feel this way from the moment that I am aware that I am awake.  I lay there and thank God for a new day and for His mercy
and grace.  I praise Him.  I pray to Him and open myself to Him.  But I continue to have this OVERWHELMING sadness.  I don't feel that it is because of my ex or the divorce because that never even crosses my mind.  I'm having such a hard time trying to understand and it becomes discouraging!

This email SO sums up where I am this morning... not certain why... and yet there is a rejoicing in my heart that I do not understand. I can hear it faintly playing in the back of my mind, even though the other stuff is trying to drown out the voice of the LORD to my heart, my mind, my emotions.

So I began to hum, "Holy Spirit, how I love you! Blessed Savior, I adore you! Father send your precious Spirit to comfort me."

Jesus said He'd send the comforter... I must be willing to receive...it is then that I remember NOT to lean on my own understanding but in ALL things acknowledge HIM and he shall direct my path... My daughter tells me that I am in this state because of my trust issues with God.

I agree. If I went to the mailbox and there was a letter there, presidential stamp, signed by the President, that told me that I could have whatever I wanted according to the constitution of the US & my State - I'd rejoice, understanding that once authenticated - I'd have all the power to pursue all that pertains to life, liberty and the pursuit of MY happiness.

SOOO, why is it that I have such a letter, from the Creator of the Universe, and I am yet unhappy? Could it be that I've placed more trust in man than in the Creator of the universe? He created the president and gave him the power.... Why do I not trust the God I say I love? Why do I not believe that He sees my pain and is doing ALL to heal my situation? On this I will meditate today. I will focus on what I do have ONLY. I will seek to hear that small still voice that truly is yelling, "I LOVE YOU PAULA!

YOU ARE THE APPLE OF MY EYE!

Join me in this - ^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true , noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.(Phil 4 Msg Bible)

Hmmm..."his most excellent harmonies." I am a song in my Creator's heart! "Holy Spirit, how I love you!" I understand that this is a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year walk of Faith journey - But we have the most excellent help - Holy Spirit - counselor, teacher, comforter!

At the beginning of the year, the LORD whispered to me that the first 6 months would be hard and that I must live focused on Him and his word :  ^16-18Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live. (1 Thes. 5 Msg Bible)

It's been a struggle, but I don't want to turn back now... I may miss the glory of the LORD if I do.

Isaiah 30:18
And therefore will the LORD wait, that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted, that he may have mercy upon you: for the LORD is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.

Again I say, cast off your grave clothes! He who promised IS faithful!

Selah