INTERVIEW WITH A PROPHET

Shrink: When did you first come to understand that you are the

            Second Coming of Christ?

Chris:   I can’t say that there was a specific time.  It was more of a gradual realization over the years.

Shrink: When did it start?

Chris:   I guess it was back in the third grade.  My teacher knew it.

Shrink: Your teacher knew that you were the messiah?

Chris:   Yeah. 

Shrink: Did she tell you that?

Chris:   No, she was possessed.

Shrink: Possessed by a demon?

Chris:   By some kind of evil spirit.  I could see it in her eyes.  She would fly off the handle every now and then and attack me — shake me and hit me with a ruler. 

Shrink: Maybe she thought you were misbehaving.

Chris:   Maybe she resented my holiness. 

Shrink: Have you encountered any other people possessed by demons.

Chris:   A few.  They all try to destroy me in one way or another. 

Shrink: Tell me about your religious upbringing.

Chris:   As a child I occasionally attended church with my friends.

Shrink: And how did that go?

Chris:   It was total insanity.

Shrink: How so?

Chris:   The church starts with a premise and denies anything that doesn’t fit it.  Reality is distorted to fit the doctrine.

Shrink: And does that make the church insane?

Chris:   When people deny reality, they can be led into hell.

Shrink: You challenge the Christian principles upon which this country was founded.

Chris:   This country was founded on principles of English Common Law.

Shrink: Which was derived from Christian principles.

Chris:   Actually, English Common Law was derived from the laws of a pagan society.

Shrink: You’re making this very difficult.

Chris:   Sorry, I’m sure it’s not easy being you.

Shrink: You claim to have conversations with God.

Chris:   Yes, that’s true .

Shrink: Does God speak to you in an audible voice.

Chris:   I’m not sure.  The words are very clear in my head.  Whether or not I actually hear them is a question.

Shrink: And then you write these words and publish them?

Chris:   Yes, God has told me to do so.

Shrink: Do you understand the crime with which you are charged?

Chris:   I didn’t know that we charged people with crimes these days.

Shrink: We no longer lock people up without charges.

Chris:   That’s good to hear.  Do I have the right to an attorney?

Shrink: No.

Chris:   Access to a legal library?

Shrink: No.

Chris:   Trial by jury?

Shrink: You will be judged by tribunal.

Chris:   Press coverage?

Shrink: No.

Chris:   Damn, I was hoping for a little good press out of this.

Shrink: You’re charged with being un-mutual.

Chris:   Haven’t heard of that one before.

Shrink: It’s a new law passed by Congress to protect American citizens.

Chris:   I’m an American citizen.

Shrink: You are charged with being an un-mutual.

Chris:   Can I plead insanity?

Shrink: Oh, you’re quite sane.

Chris:   So you believe that I am the messiah?

Shrink: Yes, there’s no doubt about that.

Chris:   And what have I done that violates the law?

Shrink: You have challenged church doctrine; you have questioned the decisions of our government; you have disrupted the peace of society by demanding prosecution of those who tortured.  You are an impediment to the New World Order.  You are un-mutual.