09-15-2008

My Story

Written By: Shareta Berry

What I am about to tell you is the truth. And I am taking a stand to share my story so that other's like you will understand that you are not alone. I am a single mother of six children and I call them my blessing from God my father that sits high. For seven years I was living in a abusive relationship with my children's father. First let me start off by saying that my children are by different men, that came in and out of my life.. Three of my children have the same father. That is with him I want to start. First let me tell you I am in no way ashamed of the fact that my children have different dad's, but once a long time ago I was, but God has help me to get passed that problem. So this is my story that I Shareta Antionette Berry would like to share. Yes we all have had our fair share of bad relationships. No to are alike but there is always something that we can share that was the same each and every time. Seven long year in an abusive relationship was not my cup of tea at all. I still do not understand why and you know somethings I will never understand. One thing is for sure I am still here living breathing and having fun. It was a long an painful thing for me and my children as well. And not knowing how me and my children was going to make it from day to day , week to week, and month to month. Ladies I was beat, kicked, stomp, pushed down a flight of stairs, punched, I was emotionally abused as well I was called fat, you pig! Ugly , ever name you could think of, I was sexually abusive and that was no fun at all, being forced to have sex with a person that was out there sleeping around on you. I tell you it was my HELL ON EARTH. I went into a mental state that I was going to die, I became so depressed, and suffered from anxiety attacks, crying spells I was stressed out and more I thought that any given moment I was going to die. I had to go and seek help and over the course of seven years I had to take medication to help me. I was tore up from the floor up. And I thought that I could not escape this Hell. I had no money to buy pampers or buy my children the things they needed and even for myself. The man that I thought that I fell in love with turned from being good to becoming Satan himself. That my scare you a bit, but it was the truth. I know a lot of women from around the world and nation that has gone through some sort of relationship battles in there life. Once you meet him he is so nice and wonderful, then all of a sudden he turns to a hell demon. Even while I was in this relationship my children had to see there mom being abused by this person. And that made me feel so sad all the time and even shameful, because they would come to me and say mommy it is going to be alright and a small part of me held on to that. Some of the things that I remember was that I was pregnant with my fourth child and something happened and I got kicked down a flight of steps. And into my 5th month I had problems and I was so sick When I gave birth my daughter she was under weight and there was some other problems with her, but all in all God healed her and she turned out to be just fine. Seven long years was seven long years of bondage for me and not just for me for my children as well. I recall that something got stolen I think it was a cell phone and I was the blame for it and I got punched in the face, and far as money Girl I never had any. I was always getting money from my mom or friends I knew. But I never would tell him. With an abusive relationship comes other issues that you have to deal with. As for me I had to deal with the pain and the hurt and everything from cheating and I was not allowed to go any where. I was a pensioner in my own home. And if I ask could you take me out he would just laugh at me. I can recall that one day it was mothers day and I asked him to take me to the movies, you know what this person told me. He stated that I was too big and to fat to fit in the seats. And I was not thinking back then and yes my stupid self believed him. Until I came to my right mind later on when a friend of mine took me to the movies and I thought to my self. What was I THINKING! To believe what this person was telling me. When I came home and told him that I could fit in the chairs he just looked at me and laughed. After years of abusive it turned into cheating and sneaking around at hotels and more things drugs and you name it. Ladies I was living with this man and he slept with another person while I was sleep upstairs in his fathers house and then there was a time that he would sneak women in the house when I was out of the house. After that I left but found myself coming right back. I was so crazy the saying back then was YOUNG AND STUPID. I thought I was in love ladies and knew nothing about what a real man was like. Yes when you are in an abusive relationship there are other issue that come to the top of the water like cheating, drugs and all sorts of things, you say that I read this a few seconds ago. I just want to make sure that you know with this comes other things. I want to get my point across that's all.. For me it was all of the above and then more. From being abused and the cheating it sort of drove me over broad a bit. Why because I did not care anymore what was going to happened. I told you that I thought that there was no way out. So over the course of seven long painful hurt years I had to endure all this suffering on the inside of feeling unwanted, low-self esteem, not feeling good about myself, not caring any more about my children. And I could not image what my children was feeling inside. I just wanted to end my life and yes I tried to jump in front of a bus. And to this day I can not remember whole jumped out to save me. I tried but nothing would work. I tried to get out so many times and it did not work at all. I tried to deal and cope with that for seven long years of my life. And I saw it was pulling on my children, Ladies what we go through our children go through it as well. Children have a different ways of showing there emotions. Then it happened I got sick and caught the Flu and my so called children's dad was at a hotel and I called him on his cell phone told him I was sick and he came, then one thing turned into another and he was yelling at me. Ladies this may make you cry a bit, but he went and got a bucket of water [cold} and dumped it over me, and left out the door. The next day ladies I got pneumonia and I went into the hospital for a week. Then I started to stop being the victim and I started to fight back. And yes the police was called each and every time, they took him away, but he would get out the next day and came back every time, but home girl was fighting back and I know that was wrong but at some point you got to stop letting yourself get beat on and hit and kicked all the time and take a stand. I am not saying do what I did, But I have learned that there are a lot of women that is taking a stand some are fighting back and then you have some that are running away into hiding and that is the best thing to do to get out of it. After some time. I went back to church and I remember that was the night I got my answer from God. I think prophetess Todd Hall was at the church and said someone is trying to get out a relationship and you keep coming back. He said God wants you to let him get you out so that you can stay out. That night I knew that was for me and I know for someone else as well. And I went home that night and I got on my knees and I prayed to God for help. And that was the night Satan showed himself to me. And the man that I thought that I was in love with was standing before me and he had the bible in his hand and a lighter in the other and I knew what he was about to do, so I told him go ahead and you will fall to your deaf at my foot. And Satan back away, I knew that I was free to go my way and never to look back again. Sure I was told you will never make it with out me and you will fall and things are not going to go good for you. I just smiled and God told me that I got you. I got out and I never looked back and if you ask me how I am doing today, well things never been better. Yes we all have ups and down but you get up and you move on with your life. I had to remember that I have children and they do not need to suffer any more. I tell you I can do bad by myself with a smile that everything is going to get better each and everyday. I do not have to wake up to find someone drunk in bed, I do not have to wonder how I am going to make it day to day, but putting my trust in the Lord always. I have no pains in my face nor my stomach, Yes I can be happy with a smile on my face. My children can run jump and play knowing that they do not hear mommy crying all the time. In saying this you , yes you woman over there that is standing there holding her head down in your lap, looking sad. Yes you can get through this and come out on top. There is a lot of help out there and the help is there to protect you and your children. There is no need to cry when you can just walk away. I know you may say to me that is easier than it looks. No get a hold of your self and you have to ask the person that lives within you. You have to mustard enough strength and say self. “Do you want to live? Do you want to be happy? Do you want your life back? Do you want your children to live and be happy? Ask your self those things.. You must say to your inner self that I what ever your name is say it out loud with a since of I am sure of what I want I have something to live for not just for me but for my children as well. And there is help. I may not have went into a domestic violence shelter but I went to God in prayer we all have our way of dealing with things, but one thing is for sure we have to change so that we can live for our children and our selves as well. I had to tell myself these things that I want to live and that I had something to live for each and every time I looked at my six children. You have to stop being the victim and go and get your life back for yourself and your children. No one can do this for you. You have to want the help and You have to want it real bad as if your life and the lives of your children depend on it. Get your life back, Take a stand and mean it.