Nothing exposes the loneliness of a newly divorced man like his first holiday season alone. As this holiday season rapidly approaches, some men will be overwhelmed by the stigma and loss of their marriages. Many men, for the first time, will have to confront their first Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year without their wives and children. This will give new meaning to the word “alone.”

I remember visiting my relatives the first year after my divorce. It was strange how people who had known me my entire life looked at me. I felt like a big “L” for loser had been stamped right on my forehead. And the person you had been going to all these functions with all these years, she was suddenly gone. How did that happen?

Then the advice comes: Where to go to meet women; how to occupy your time; and what to do to make yourself feel better. This advice is coming from people who have not been on a date since they used their feet to stop the car. People who have no idea what it’s like to go home to an empty house, an empty bed, knowing you will go to sleep and wake up alone … people who have a warm body to sleep with every night.

My advice: Don’t listen to them! Talk to other men and women who are going through the same situation. Happy content married couples have no idea what it’s like to face the holidays without their spouses. Although they mean well, their advice can actually make you feel sick with grief. Some of the things they say will make you laugh and some will make you cry. Try to take it in stride and know they love you.

So what should you do? Simple: If this is your first holiday season alone it might be a good idea to skip the family functions altogether, just this year. This will allow you time to grieve and cope. It will also allow you time to evaluate your new life. If your marriage is truly over, you must accept this and take the necessary steps to move on. I’m not saying you should force yourself into isolation, this is unhealthy. I am simply asking for you to take the essential path to healing, recovery and ultimately closure. To accomplish this you will need some time alone to sort through the tidal wave of emotions that only separation and divorce initiate.

One thing you can do to make yourself feel better is, start and maintain a healthy lifestyle. You can do this by working out and eating right. The holiday season is the time when most Americans overindulge in eating, drinking and partying. As a newly divorced man the temptation for you to indulge in bad habits will be overwhelming. Don’t do it! It will only exacerbate your problems. Never try to solve one problem by creating another. Not long after my divorce went through the courts I signed up for a divorce class. It was a good decision and I strongly recommend all men struggling with this calamity to participate in a peer-lead divorce class. You will learn things that you cannot learn by yourself. Divorce has its own unique maze of perplexity and you will need the advice from men and women who are going through the same problems. If you do go, make sure you attend every class because eventually everyone will be counting on you. That’s the great thing; divorce class is the first step in re-establishing trust!

Finally, if you’re having a hard time coping, get some professional counseling. I cannot emphasize this enough. This is one time you have to “buck up” and do the right thing. Counseling helped me and it will help you. Remember, divorce is like the death of a loved one. So it’s okay to cry. It’s part of the healing process.