A Mother’s Day Soliloquy

It’s Mother’s Day, and I am still hanging around wondering what, when, where, how, and why I have lived so long and you did not. You had everything to give, while I have little left to offer humanity for the pain you went through just to put a tiny burning ember into the space I occupy. Well, I do have two remarkable daughters, and three very sweet grand kids, and so I am grateful for seeing in them what I lack in myself. That is hardly an achievement on my part.

Someone or something led me to Horace Mann’s words “Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.” They are still silent words on an otherwise empty slate. It has been getting harder for me to walk to say nothing of lending a spark of life to others. In these latter years something or someone has had the temerity to twist the big toe on my right foot from time to time whenever I drifted off for a few winks. If that has been you there to remind me that the world is still waiting for me to do or say something profound, I’ve not done it. Perhaps I need an epiphany.

I did get those solar panels in place, put on a new roof, and converted space in the house into a Florida room. We both know those are not achievements, just ordinary things expected from anyone sensible enough to take advantage of the goodness of others. I have a new MD who looks after my pains and foibles. That’s not an achievement, but if you had a hand in making her a small part of my life, thanks, mom. You know my weaknesses as well as my strengths. I do have a huge crush on her. But at my age, that’s something to cry about—it’s not a bragging point.

I stopped by your grave last September when I was up North. Everything seemed to be the same. I did notice a young lady (in shorts) coming my way along a path that led straight to me. I didn’t want her to think that I was in a solemn or morose mood, so I said “hello.” She smiled, so I asked her if she heard the same voices I had just heard. She said, “No, but you are scaring me.” She hurried away.

I’ve been staying in contract with two old friends. Their health is failing, and I find myself comparing them to me. Health-wise, I’m in better shape than both of them. Both were over-achievers, and each also made a huge difference in the lives of many young people. I can’t say I’ve contributed half as much as either of them. Still, I could beat them both in a 25-yard dash.

Well, I guess I will sign-off for now. I’ll post this lamentation on AuthorsDen. Otherwise, a few of my readers might think I have taken a permanent leave of absence. I've had nearly one million visitors to my compositions posted there. Hey, wait a minute. Do you think that number of visitors might rank somewhere on Horace Mann’s proclamation? OK. It was just a thought.

It was nice chatting with you, mom. You’re the best!