You’ve known it for a while now – whether by that gut instinct that we women are just in tuned to having, little hints or clues, or you are just dealing with somebody who is either completely sloppy or just doesn’t care if you find out or not. You have taken about all you feel like you can take, but you still love him so and just don’t know if you have the strength to leave.
What if you did leave? How lonely would you be? He’s sadly better than nothing, certainly better than being alone. Why get used to someone else? Heck, you’ve been with him so long, you know the disappointments that come along with him, and despondently have learned to deal with them. What about him? It’s one thing to know that he lies and cheats, but if you let him go, then he won’t have to hide it anymore. You’ll start to see him with the other women; after all, you left him, right? How will you handle seeing him with another or being told that he has another?
So this leaves you with the question – should you leave or just miserably stay?
Answer: Girl, get up and go. Pack your stuff (or his) and move on. Pick your self-esteem up off the floor and take it with you – so that you’ll have it when you grow in Christ and know how powerful a thing it is to have once you grow in Christ. And of course, all of this is much easier said than done, but trust, this is the best advice anyone can give you. Whatever is meant for you is for you, and no devil in hell can take that away – even if it’s the guy you’ve been holding on to (after he grows up and becomes a man). And as far as all those questions going through your mind (paragraph 2), that’s just the enemy filling you with fear.
2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
And with all that you have been taking, you don’t have power, love and definitely not a sound mind. So now that you have moved on….for real this time…
Become prayerful, if you aren’t already. Realize that your strength is in God, because if you try to move on your own, girl, you’ll be back in his life in a couple of weeks (if not a couple of days). Pick up that bible and start dwelling in the word, so that you will become aware of who you are, and what’s better – whose you are. And once you know that, that self-esteem that you picked up off the floor can finally be put into place. You’ll know that you are more valuable than what you have been giving yourself credit for being and deserves much better than what you have been allowing yourself to have.
Lonely now? You don’t have to be. Surround yourself with people. Don’t sit there and dwell in your loneliness, you’ll start to think on the wrong things that will pull you back in that desperate place you’ve been fighting so hard to leave. Also, be careful what type of people you surround yourself with. Encircle yourself with people of God or either just strong-minded people that won’t listen to you talk about “that bitter breakup” all the time and condone the behavior that you once put up with. The people that should encase your life now should be telling you how wonderful you are and how you deserve everything good that God has for you, and that your past is your past and should be left there.
Forgiveness. I can never talk about this subject too much. The power of forgiveness…wow…such a powerful release when you truly walk in forgiveness. To not walk in such, you’re holding yourself back in a place that you’re trying to break free from. Not only that, but you are given this person power over you, and they’ve moved on. The only one that’s being hurt by your holding a grudge is you. And sweetie, it’s a choice, not a feeling. Forgive him for all the ill things he did against you, then forgive yourself for allowing it as long as you did. It’s not an easy thing, but a prayerful thing. Once you’ve said the words, start praying about it. Start praying for him, and then pray for you to never allow yourself to be put in a position to be hurt like that again. Again, there is such a powerful release in forgiveness. Know that in your spirit.
Learn how to be alone. You cannot or should not be in a relationship with someone else before you have learned how to be alone first. People who don’t know how to be alone will usually find themselves over dependent in the relationships that they become involved in, even if its physically or emotionally abusive. Within this over dependence, they stay when they should go. They take things that they should throw back. They settle in a lifestyle or routine when they should be excelling in the promises of God. When you have learned how to be alone, then it may be time for you to be with someone else – one with the same morals and values that have become accustomed to.
These are only a few suggestions to begin with on that path afterwards – life after the breakup. As you become more embedded in the word of God and more prayerful, the rest will fall naturally.
