“Don’t you care what people think?”
“No, I’m not responsible for what other people think,
only for what I am.”
Those two lines are taken from one of my favorite
movies, “The Big Country” and spoken by the two
characters, Pat Terrill (Carroll Baker) and Jim McKay
(Gregory Peck), respectively. I think this movie is
not only well-written and well-acted but beautifully
illustrates what happens when someone is not overly
concerned about what others think and has the courage
to live accordingly. As you may have guessed, it is
not easy to do.
Before I continue, I think I should clarify something.
Notice that the article’s title contains the words
“overly concerned.” I am not saying that we should
never be concerned about what others think. We should
all be concerned about what others think of us in some
circumstances, such as how we conduct ourselves in
business. What this article is discussing is being
so concerned about what others think that it keeps you
from going after your dreams or causes you to make
the wrong choices for yourself. Being overly concerned
could also paralyze you with fear so that you do what
you think people expect of you instead of what you
really want. Or, you let what people say totally
demoralize you.
Let me give you two examples of people who handled
this dilemma in totally different ways and the
outcome each of them experienced.
On February 4, 1983, 32-year-old Karen Carpenter died
of heart failure caused by chronic anorexia nervosa.
Perhaps you remember hearing about that and was as
shocked as I was. But what was even more shocking
to me was learning about the possible reason this
happened.
An article entitled “Karen Carpenter Was Killed By
An Over-The-Counter Drug Some Doctors Say May Be
Killing Many Others” dated May 13, 1985 written by
Gioia Diliberto, said, “Karen had been suffering
from anorexia for eight years—apparently since
reading a passing reference to her chubbiness in a
review.” It is believed that she ingested ipecac,
“a foul-smelling, amber-colored drug” that “has been
sold in drugstores for years to induce vomiting in
poison victims.” The article goes on to state that
ipecac in large dose, may cause irreversible damage
to the heart, and if taken repeatedly, is a lethal
poison. Apparently Karen Carpenter and others
thought ipecac was harmless.
Another web site
dedicated to Karen Carpenter stated, “She’d been
starving herself for seven years, using laxatives,
drinking water with lemon, taking dozens of thyroid
pills daily, and even throwing up.”
Karen Carpenter “possessed a unique, and utterly
beautiful voice.” It was “completely pure and natural,
without the benefit of formal training.” I loved her
voice and the songs that she and her brother, Richard,
performed.
It was a tragedy that the world lost such a beautiful,
talented young woman all because she became overly
concerned about something (someone she apparently
didn’t even know) said about her.
Recently on the Biography television show, I watched
a profile about actor Peter Falk. When he was
3-years-old, his right eye had to be surgically
removed because of cancer. Years later, well on his
way in his acting career, it was arranged for him to
meet with the head of a Hollywood studio. But their
meeting did not go well. The Hollywood executive
could not see past Peter Falk’s glass eye, and told
him, “I’m concerned about your deficiencies.” Now,
he could have been so demoralized by what that studio
chief said that he might have given up acting. But
Mr. Falk was only puzzled. Deficiencies? He said
during the interview that the only thing he could
think that the exec meant was his vitamin
deficiencies. “But how would he know about that?”
But as you probably know, eventually Peter Falk got
the role as Lt. Columbo, for which he is best known
all over the world. I don’t know about you, but I
can’t imagine anybody else more perfect for that role
(a side point: did you know that the role of Lt.
Columbo was originally offered to singer Bing Crosby
who turned it down?)
Do you have the courage to believe in yourself even
if nobody else does? I hope so. Motivational
speaker, Les Brown said, “Some people will just not
see it for you.” Can you accept the fact that there
are people out there who will find fault with you no
matter what you do? Some people will never believe
in you just like the studio head did not believe that
Peter Falk would ever to be a big star.
Don’t let what others think prevent you from
fulfilling your dreams. Just remember that at one
time people thought the earth was flat, but thinking
it didn’t make it so.
Copyright 2002 Dolores G. Wix
