AuthorsDen.com   Join | Login    
Where Authors and Readers come together!

SIGNED BOOKS    AUTHORS    BOOKS    SAMPLE CHAPTERS    AUDIOBOOKS    eBOOKS    STORIES    ARTICLES    POETRY    BLOGS    NEWS    VIDEOS    SUCCESS    TESTIMONIALS

Featured Authors:  Judith Bailey, iAlvin Romer, iMORGAN ST. JAMES, iRaven West, iMargaret Mullings, iGracie McKeever, iStephen Murray, iAnn Marie Hannon, iBob Boze, iTrennis Killian, i

  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

Patrick A Granfors

 Follow Me  

· Contact Me
· Articles
· Poetry
· Stories
· Blog
· 555 Titles
· 6,316 Reviews
· Save to My Library
· Share with Friends!
·
Member Since: May, 2009

Patrick A Granfors, click here to update your pages on AuthorsDen.


Marinating on my TV
by Patrick A Granfors   
Rated "G" by the Author.
     
Recent articles by
Patrick A Granfors

• Best Onion Soup Ever
• Fabulous Eight Bean Soup
• Consequences
• Mighty Fine Stuffed Cabbage Rolls
• Phobos-Grunt Re-entry
           >> View all

I give up

While watching my much anticipated new flat screen TV last night having waited for several years for prices to come down and for sizes to go up, not to mention the dizzying array of new features available requiring a rocket scientist to run the remote control especially since I don’t text message and have the dexterity of the average sloth as well as some of the physical attributes, it came to my attention that despite the crystal clear 1080-i HD 3D picture that the TV provided, the programming was pretty much the same and that the removal of the video haze with respect to my previous antique and, to said programming was pretty much analogous to trying to wash a dog turd and expecting it to become clean.

 

Not that the networks don’t try to entice you with clever special effects and the purported highly unusual filmed circumstances of reality television which has in fact become so common that I never realized how screwed up reality really is, and that the boundaries of fiction have become so blurred that the script writers all threw up their hands and left the subject matter to the incapable hands of anybody who happens to own a video camera and the laxative companies who have a direct interest in the outcome of the public’s seemingly infallible interest in a broad range of series that could only be loosely described as entertainment.

 

 

Programs such as beauty contests for exceptionally bratty toddlers who are driven by their ditzy neurotic mothers in pursuit of trinket awards after spending thousands dollars in entries and costumes. These are the same toddlers who in just a few short years appear on a different show where fat women try to choose a wedding dress as their idiot fiancées fight with the rest of the wedding party over whether or not the bride’s cleavage conflicts with her butt roll before storming off the set and onto the set of “Bridezillas” perpetuating the myth that a wedding is a happy occasion, which somehow gets lost in the glow of watching swamp people try to catch alligators and with people filling up their homes with 40 years worth of junkyard collecting and garbage lamenting the fact that the health department frowns on such behavior because it competes with the time that they need to stay two steps ahead of the fifteen different TV hosts pandering food prepared by food trucks, drive-ins, and ethnic restaurants serving goat eyes.

 

A profound wasteland has emerged, a vast litter box full of hard candy, although I suspect it was there all along just for the looking. I don’t know why I expected more.

 

 

 

Copyright 2011 Patrick Granfors


Want to review or comment on this article?


Need a FREE Reader Membership?
Reviewed by Gene Williamson
Reviewed on September 8, 2011
I suppose it can be said that tv programming is a reflection
of us. If so, we need help. Reality tv is--unreal. The best
way to beat the tube is to read a good book. -gene.

Reviewed by Annabel Sheila
Reviewed on July 18, 2011
I hear you, Patrick! We gave up cable a year ago on March 22/10...nothing but garbage on TV anymore....now we have only 3 channels and are still able to watch what very little programming we actually enjoyed. We spend way more time communicating and doing other things....can't STAND reality tv!!!!!!

Anna

Reviewed by Mark Lichterman
Reviewed on July 16, 2011
And you can get all of this wonderful stuff in glorious three dimension. Or whatever there is of this stuff in 3D.
For the past five months I've been into nothing... well, hardly nothing but DVDs of HBO and Showtrime series. Presently into the first season of The Sopranos.
Mark

Reviewed by Lonnie Hicks
Reviewed on July 15, 2011
So true. 500 channels and nothing on.

Reviewed by Jerry Bolton (Reader)
Reviewed on July 15, 2011
Amen, and I say that in a most sacrilegious way. I got rid of the cable, don't own a round thing that goes outside and captures some kind of waves in the sky and sends them to my television. I do not miss it. I never watched a stupid "reality" show in my life, and the news media makes me vomit. Do I miss out on those amazing five million channels on cable? Does it sound like it? Our country is lost.

Reviewed by Paul Berube
Reviewed on July 15, 2011
So very, very true, Patrick. Great article, my friend.

Popular Humor Articles
  1.  Penny Power
  2.  Pedicure and Chicken
  3.  Snow White Trailer Trash Talk
  4.  Beware the Tsundoku!
  5.  Poetry Submission
  6.  Kaltenheiss's famed Katya im Boxer qua
  7.  Shot/No Shot
  8.  How to Survive Bean Soup, The Game.
  9.  Losing Ticket
  10.  Dilatation of Closed Phrenix Confabula
  11.  The Great Turtle Stampede
  12.  Precedent Linkin's Gettysberg A Dress
  13.  Imminent Danger
  14.  Breaking Bad meets Star Trek and Pies
  15.  Getting Old In The Real World
  16.  The Left-Handed Heart
  17.  More GFI
  18.  Toughest Million
  19.  NEW KEYBOARD
  20.  FALLEN
  21.  Hollywood Coffee
  22.  My colonoscopy 3/20/14 – I have to tel
  23.  Spark Plug
  24.  Battle of the Bulge: Jesus Hates Speed
  25.  Segments from a Bifurcated Life

Free Book Review Program
Select a book to read and review today!

Poe: Pelted, Pounded, Pummeled and Pulverized by Jay Dubya

Author Jay Dubya satirzes in adult language and content 18 famous Edgar Allan Poe stories.  
Member BookAds

A Reader's Guide to Author's Jargon and Other Ravings from the Blogosp by Edward Patterson

A Collection of Daily Quotes, a glossary of author terms, a Drag Queens Advice Column and other tidbits, all wrapped up in one enjoyable volume  
Member BookAds

Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part III by Jay Dubya

Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part III is adult satirical literature that parodies thirteen famous short stories.  
Member BookAds