Have you ever heard of a psychic winning the lottery? 

Listen up, because we will be having a quiz on this one;  We've got Mountain Bell; and Southern Bell...and could it be, that the Mexican phone company is Taco Bell? 

POLICE OFFICER TO BANK ROBBER:  "Why did you rob the bank?"

BANK ROBBER; "Because that's where the money is, STUPID..." 

Q.  What does a cell phone give his girlfriend?
A.  A ring...

Q. Teacher:  "Billy, did you miss school yesterday?"
A.  Billy; Not very much. 

Johnny:  "I know a lady who has 500 cats" 
Billy; "You/ve got to be kitten me."

Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler, and when I woke up, I was exhausted." 

I told you it was corny...some people don't listen...

Q. What's another name for a helpful Eskimo?
A.  A cool-Aide

Why is lemon juice made from artificial flavoring...and dishwashing liquid is made from real lemons? 

Q. What do you call a cow with a twitch?
A.  Beef jerky  (yawn, here)

Q. Why did the compter go to the chiropractor?
A.  Because of a slipped disk. 

Hey, remember you came here to waste your time, so quit your whining, and continue on...

Q.  Why did the turkey cross the road?
A.  It was the chicken's day off...

Q.  What does it mean if you're claustrophobic?
A.  You're afraid of Santa...

If a package says 'open here,' where else can you open it? 

Q.  Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A.  Because 7 8 9...(boo!) 

Q. Why was the cookie crying?
A.  Because he felt so crummy!

Q.  What was Beethovens favorite fruit?
A.  Ba-na-na-na

Tommy: "Billy what time are you going to the dentist? 
Billy;  At tooth-hurty (2:30)

I told you these were bad...and you didn't believe me...sorry...it's your time wasted...

Q.  What do you call a two-wheeled vehicle that your father rides?
A. Popcycle

Q.  Why do bird fly south in the winter?
A.  Because it's too far to walk. 

Don't worry...it gets worse as you go on...

Q.  Do you know why anteaters never get sick?
A.  Because they're full of anty-bodies. 

Q. What did the ocean say to the boat?
A.  Nothing...it just waves...

Q. What did the left shoe say to the right shoe?
A.  I think we must be sole mates. 

Q.  If fruit gows on a fruit tree...what kind of tree does a chicken grow on?
A.  Poultry

Okay...okay...we'll take a 30 second time-out, like they do in football...for all the booing and you can thorw a few tomatoes, if you want to...

Q. Did you hear about the dolphin who lost his best friend? 
A.  Poor thing...he no longer had a porpoise in life...

Q. Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
A.  Because the poor didn't have any money.

Why do they report power outages on TV? 

Horse Play: 
One One was a race horse;
Two Two was one too;
One day, One One won a race;
Two Two won one, too. 

Q.  When will this be over? 
A. 

You can tune a piano and you can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish...

Billy;  "This compass doesn't work, so I want my money back."
Clerk:  "What's wrong with it?"
Billy: "It only points to the north" 

Forcast for Mexico; Chile today...and hot tamale...

Yawn, here...

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A.  Ground beef. 

Q. In Australia, what side of the sheep does the wool grow"
A.  The outside. 

Getting therapy;
"He really worked hard to turn his life around.  He used to be miserable and depressed.  Now...he's just depressed and miserable."  Harry Kalas 

SITE MAP For Hopelessly Lost Souls;
Copyright; 2011; Jerry Aragon; The Humor Doctor;
Website name; humordoctormd