I don't claim to be a rocket scientist or an engineer.  This is between you and me, but, I don't think a rocket scientist or an engineer, can do assembly work.  Once the monster is out of the box...run for the hills. 

Fan;  What could be so difficult about putting together an ordinary fan that cost about 20 bucks.  As this nightmare slowly evolved, it wasn't about the assembly itself, but the paying attention to what I was doing, that got me in trouble.  (poor baby)

You see, I can't sleep with the overhead air conditioning on at night.  I'm such a sissy, that I will probably get a soar throat or a cold.  (poor baby)  So, in the summertime, I have to have a dry fan on so I can sleep.  That's not too much to ask, is it? 

It was March, 2012 and summer had not yet arrived, but I thought I would buy another fan, because I knew the old one wouldn't last through the summer.  I was so industrious, that I thought I would do the assembly on the fan, so when the old fan died, I would be ready for summer.  At the age of 64, I know everything.  Nobody can tell me anything, cause I know everything...you hear me?  (poor little sissy)  He's going to fall on hard times...he just doesn't know it YET! 

For this project, I did the assembly in the bedroom on top of the bed.  (why didn't you call your MOMMY to come and help you?)  I can handle this stupid fan by myself...I don't need my mommy. This job should take about ten minutes at the most.  

When I put an electrical piece together, I always watch for the electric cord, and try to keep it out of the way.  But, this time, I didn't follow my own rules, and I paid for it.  (you should have called your mommy to baby-sit with you, chump)   

I had the fan on my lap, as I put it all together.  There was only one thing I didn't count on.  THE PHONE RANG!  Since I didn't know where the cord was, and to my stupidity, I stood up to go answer the phone...stepped on the cord...and I SAID HELLO TO THE FLOOR...FACE FIRST!  I hit the floor HARD...and, if it hadn't been for the fan that I had in hand, I would have broken my nose. 

So, I hit the floor straight on my forehead on the right side.  I was hurting, and I think I had passed out for a minute or two.  My glasses were under the bed someplace, and I was dizzy and couldn't get up. 

When I finally did get up, I went into the bathroom, to see if there was any damage and there was.  I had a cut over the bridge of my nose; and three cuts which were bleeding over my right eyebrow on my forehead.  I decided to lie down for a minute or two, because I was not right...I thought I would fall down. 

Later that day, I called my doctor and made an appointment for the next week.  After the checkup, I was fine, and I was ready to tackle my next assembly job.  

Granted, the injuries I sustained during assemble of this fan, was NOT the fault of the assembly, etc.  The injuries I incurred, were my fault, as I didn't pay attention to what I was doing, and thus, the lumps on the head.   

Office chair;  Lucky me...this chair didn't have an electrical cord, so I didn't have to worry about it.  The assemble of this chair went fine...until I got to the last step.  And, that was putting the back on the chair.  Sadly, at the age of 68, the sissy in me is really showing. 

There were two screws on either side of the arms, that held the back of the chair.  And, these screws were so difficult to line up...that it took me three times to do it.  (that's because you're a 68 year old wimp).  I don't know how engineers do it.  The spacing had to be about a 64/100 of an inch to lining up, and I had a heck of a time, to line up those bolts.  (poor baby)  It was like fighting an allegator in a pond, and the allegator is getting the best of me, etc. 

I was sweating like a pig, but on the third try, I finally found the Superman in me, and I finally succeeded in the entire assembly of the chair.  (you know what the Beatles say; yeah, yeah, yeah)  I was so proud of myself...I didn't fall off the bed this time...and what do I think about assembly in general?  

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