I once had a boyfriend (I know. I know, oiy boy she is going there again. Be patient my little crazies. Have I let you down yet? Wait! Don't answer that cuz...) He used to get upset if I told one of those tragic stories from my past; whether that be me relating to a woman in an abusive relationship; the mother and child sleeping on a mattress down off Market street; the runaway that was lost in "I can't", etc... He would say, I know you went through that stuff (well, my daughter and I never slept on a mattress off market) but do you have to talk about it?

Now it wasn't that I talked about it all the time. I was a counselor. It was my job to relate to folks. And quite frankly, not eliminating credit to the masked handsome one, it is me. I got the feeling he wanted me to pretend to be someone different. On the other hand I totally understood his reservations on how cruel the social world can indeed be... not the homeless, or the runaways or the survivors... you know? Those folks I spoke somewhat about in the feet scraping/kissing blog? Image is everything to some... Yet it just isn't so to me.

I am a firm believer that everything, absolutely everything I have been through has made me the women I am... indeed still becoming (another topic for another time), yet all of it... however bad it may have seemed to me at the time i was experiencing it... all of it was good--now slow down before you go to your mail bins and start firing away!--I believe it was my destined journey; granted maybe some of it just me sidetracking a bit or getting lost, but soul lessens that I could either see as life throwing me in the crapper and defeating a spirit OR life experiences that made me a better child of my Creator... because all those terrible/wonderful experiences brought me closer to you. They have allowed me to allow you to be human. How grand is that? I cannot deny that.

Again, as the masked one feared above, some folks do indeed, for some perverse purpose wish to capitalize on that. Maybe they do so to lift themselves up? Maybe they do because they wish to deny their own imperfections? Maybe they do because they feel it gives them some kind of power? Maybe feeling like a "better" person than someone else alleviates an inner denial or allows them some kind of joy to righteousness on their own past/present wrong-doings? Whatever the case I can indeed confirm to them...

You are indeed a bright light.

You are perfect in your imperfections.

True power comes from embracing and indeed accepting just how powerless we truly are.

We are all the Creator's children. None more loved. None more thought of. None more enjoyed. None more embraced... we all have our demons. It is part of being human. God thinks no less of character assassination than he thinks of murder.

With that being said, here is where we get into my human side... DELETE! That's right folks I said DELETE. What does she mean by that you are probably wondering? Well, I am glad you asked.

Sometimes, some folks, can just be an ass. That's right. I said it. And indeed in so doing giving validity to the masked ones comments and indeed fears for me. Yet with a kind of meet in the middle approach. Now don't get me wrong. I will generally give most folks more benefit of the doubt than the next person; but hey, I ain't the Big Guy. I am just a women doing the best she can. I don't have to get all righteous thinking someone is going to change or become better or less hurtful cause I have been sent as a messenger in their life... DELETE... it maybe okay to lead with the chin once or twice but I don't need to get my neck broke in the process... DELETE.

Which leads me back to the beginning of this blog. There are some folks out there that are just going to keep trying to tear you down no matter what you do... bygones... no matter how many times you turn the other cheek, they will just load up and swing with the opposite fist... bygones... no matter how many skeletons they deniabley have in their closet they will make yours bigger... bygones...

I ain't God. I don't need to pretend to be, so I will just delete your behind and remove myself from being a target. Welcome to social marketing! It isn't that I need to stop being real. . . it means I need to learn to delete those spirit-killers and get out of the line of their misery. I could care less about book sales at the cost of my sanity and well being... god takes care of those who take care of themselves I'll chant to myself. I can surely love someone enough to let them go... bygones.

Now, on the other side of that are those marvelous little crazies I love to have in my circle. You know? The real people. The ones that don't really care about being right as doing the right thing? The ones that are enthusiastic about all the wonderful new adventures? The ones that allow other folks their glory and indeed are happy for them? The ones who can join in a debate without resorting to name-calling? The ones who never even think about race, let alone it being considered an issue? The folks who believe issues are more important than a political party (the new discrimination of the millennium. )

Let me give you an example... as many of you folks know, I share all the time I see myself as just a gal. It is just that simple. I can be the best example of a bad example you can get, but I really try not to be... well, anyway, I did this book giveaway for Courage of Fear on goodreads not long ago. As it was happening a women had dropped me a note and said how excited she was about the possibility of winning a copy of Courage.

I thought that was so nice. I wished her luck and got a bit excited off her excitement... I watched as the stats climbed for Courage... one hundred... two hundred... three and so one... then the day came... goodreads sent me a list of the winners and sure enough she, Barb, was there. I sent many of the winners a congrats note... yet before I could get to Barb's she had already written me with pure enthusiasm to inform me of her win... again, I caught her excitement. It was wonderful. Truly wonderful.

I thought what a great person. Her energy was catchy. A bright light in a day. Her excitement became my excitement.

I wrote little notes in all the books and sent them on their way via post.

The reviews were starting to post... the wonderful reviews! I shot an email to Barb and asked "Have you recvd your book?"

She sadly replied not yet... but again her optimism, her bright light...  but I haven't gotten the mail yet today. I will let you know.

Sure enough later that evening, about 4:30 Cal time she shoots me an email, Hooray... it arrived... I was going to cook dinner but I am going to start reading instead!

I said good for you! order Pizza...

then I thought... whoat whoa....

I checked her address from the list I kept as a follow up to the winners. Indeed, hers not a po box. I went to the web yellow pages and called a pizza joint in her town. I explained to the nice young man that I was an author... I explained that a fan was going to be reading my novel instead of cooking dinner... I asked if I could send a note and buy her dinner from Ca...

Of course you can! was his response... until I gave him the address we were both so excited at the prospects... that specific joint didn't deliver way out there... but, no disappoint the nice Minnesota young man had ate himself the evening before at a pizza parlor that indeed did deliver to her address. He even knew the number. I jotted it down and called.

Again, Kristi, the nice young lady who answered my call got very excited about my plan. Indeed agreed they could accommodate my wishes and when I told her Barb's name she said, oh my god...

What, i said thinking I may have just found her daughter...

They just phoned in ordering a pizza! We just put it in the oven... she took my credit info, added some pop and indeed my note.

I phoned my friend Mike after its completion and filled him in on the details... he said, oh no... you think she might think you are a stalker.

Surely not I said to him... but the seed was planted. I know how folks can be on these social websites... what if she does...

Later Barb tracked me down on Facebook. She friended me and when I went to her page there she had commented to her friends, You are not going to believe what happened to me this evening? I got this book courage of fear by barbara boyer and decided to read it tonight instead of cooking. So I ordered a pizza. When it arrived it had already been paid for by the author!

A fun time, yet again... thank you Barb. For being a bright light!

Oooh... need to get ready for a meeting.

Have a grand day all. Peace.