A strange man-woman intimacy it is when
the
relationship consists of intimate enemies.

Intimacy by definition is characterized by
two or more persons being in close physical
proximity with a cordial or warm friendship.
But persons in an intimate man-woman
relationship may be, or become, as revealed
in this discourse, intimate enemies.

      It is a strange intimacy to be adrift in a man-woman relationship that is meant for lovers or lovers-friends without affection or appreciation for each other. It may be a marriage or intimate partnership of a man and a woman who initially were sexually attracted to each other, engaged in sexual intercourse and shared in doing things together but later, for some sooner than later, became mostly disengaged with each other while staying in the relationship to recieve benefits. Rather than intimate friends they became intimate enemies.
        An example of the aforementioned is evidenced in the profile of a couple who came to this writer for counseling. They both indicated during their first separate counseling session that they wanted to improve their relationship.
       Acquilla came alone to the first counseling session. She said, "During the first six months with Kayne the relationship was good. He was friendly and supported, but things changed. The last year and a half we have been strangers to each other."
     Kayne came alone to his first counseling session. Like Acquilla, he said, "During the first six months our relationship was good, but the last year and a half it has been like two men living in the same apartment." Continuing he said, "Aquilla quit sleeping in the bed in our one-bed room apartment and began sleeping on the sofa where she continues to sleep.
     During the second counseling session Acquilla also said that she had not slept in the same bed with Kayne or had sexual intercourse with him since she began sleeping on the sofa. She said that she ceased sleeping in the bed because there were bed bugs in the bed, but after they were exterminated she did not returned to sleeping in the bed.
      During the second counseling sesson for Kayne he  also said Acquilla ceased sleeping in the bed when bed bugs were discovered in the bed, but did not return to sleeping in the bed after the bed bugs were eliminated. He said they had not engaged in sexual intercourse since they ceased sleeping together in bed. He also said that during the last year they had gone grocery shopping separately and prepared their meals separately most of the times. He added. "Whenever we talk, which is not often now, we are critical of each other ..blaming each other for the lack of having a meaningful relationship."
       During the third counseling session for Acquilla and Kayne, when they both came for counseling alone, after I listened to each of fhem blaming the other person for their disfunctioning relationship and showing no sign of a willingness to improve their relationship, even though they said they wanted to continue the counseling I suggested to them that they may seek counseling elsewhere because I do not forsee them improving their relationship by continuing in counseling with me.
        Acquilla and Kayne both see themselves as being devoted religious or spiritual people. Acquilla embraces a non-organized African-oriented religion and Kayne is a professing Christian. During counseling they both appeared to be accepting of each others religious or spiritual practice. Although Acquilla often says that she experiences most Christians as being hippocrites. It was also revealed during counseling that during the last year they had limited socializing, having gone to a restaurant no more than six times and theatre four times.
      Aquilla is a free lance commercial artist. Kayne is an author and writer. Unlike Acquilla who spends most of her day away from home, he spends most of his day at home. They seldom watch TV together. They both spend considerable time on the computer and she on the telephone
       It is apparent that this is "a strange man-woman intimacy." But it is not unique. It is a strange intimacy to be adrift in a man-woman relationship meant for lovers or lovers-friends, without affection for each other, to live in close physical proximity with social distance and even worse to be strangers with minds and hearts that offer no salutation greets and no sign of respect for one's partner or amelioration.
       An intimate enemy can be the most dangerous enemy a person can encounter.

(This discourse is not meant to offer a solution for "a strange man-woman intimacy" relationship. However, hopefully, the reader will look into the mirror and see himself-herself and into the eyes, if possible, of his/her partner in the light of the aformentioned offering. Having done this, to ask the question: "What am I to do, if my desire is to be neither a stranger to myself or relate to a partner who is a stranger?)"

Coyright 2019 by Uriah J. Fields