By

Roleen Kaplan

(MA Psychology)

Transformational Life Coach, Speaker and Facilitator

Tel: 011 656 6008;   email: r.k.rokapi.co.za

“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart”

Carl Jung

I thought about Carl Jung’s saying for a very long time before deciding to use it as the starting point to this article. Is the answer to craving something truly in one’s heart and can I equate craving with addiction?

“Looking at humanity and hearing the myriad stories, has

highlighted the plight of the human race where emotional

pain has erupted into a desperate struggle to fill the

meaninglessness and emptiness that characterises any and all

forms of addiction.” (R. Kaplan)

Unbeknown to me I began researching addiction three or four months ago when a client of mine gave me some material she was reading on the topic. More and more I have been made aware of how addiction shapes itself in so many peoples lives and the effort it takes to overcome an addictive behaviour. I began to realise addiction as being an attempt to communicate something through something else in an attempt to create some form of pleasure, even though it is just momentary.

The most obvious and common forms of addiction well known to us all centre around alcohol, drugs, and smoking. However, through further discussions over many cups of coffee and talking with others about their addictive habits I have learnt that addiction is far more than just the obvious. Sugar, caffeine, retail therapy, sex, eating, starvation, workaholism, perfectionism, addiction to destructive and abusive relationships, anything in excess that somehow creates a sense of perceived well-being in an attempt away from pain, could be understood as an addiction. It would appear that addiction is without a doubt an indication of some form of emotional pain and an attempted escape from the feelings and emotions of what that pain is causing in that persons life.

To all intents and purposes most people are wounded, hurting in some way or another, for some reason or another and are seeking inner relief from the pain and discomfort that emotional wounded creates. Unfortunately, that relief is sought and temporarily found in chronic forms of behaviour that eventually become long term addictions that are unhealthy not only physically but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. 

What then could the message of addiction be?

I would like to pose the following counter question. When you speak with people or see or bump into them and ask, “how are you?” are you sincerely interested in how they are? Or is it just a polite question because you want the person to judge you favourably so that you feel good about yourself?

And what is their response? “I’m ok, and you?”.

And what is your response? “yes, I’m fine thanks”. 

Now let’s look at what a truthful response for many might well be:

“Thanks for asking and caring. Actually I’m in pain, I’m bored in my job but I need to pay the bills, I feel trapped in a relationship I don’t want to be in but stay in it because I’m financially dependent (or because of the children) and also I am terrified of being alone because it will mean that I don’t feel loved by anybody and that nobody loves me. And I know where I want to be and should be but the pain I would feel facing that kind of choice is too big for me. And I wouldn’t be able to continue being addicted to this pain which I am now used to and almost comfortable in. And yet all I want to feel is meaningful and loved”.

What would your response be?

“Shame..gosh look at the time, have to fetch the kids from school” or “huh? Uhmm, nice seeing you again. Have to run. I have a meeting. Take care.”

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We don’t need to look too far to understand what the catalyst is to the everyday addictions we know of and that underlie most physical addictions. People are seeking and expressing the fullness that only authentic and pure love can offer and, are suffering from a chronic form of emotional meaninglessness.

Love has lost its meaning and we are looking

for it in all the wrong places and through all the

wrong things.

Firstly, we are addicted to feeling better by steeping ourselves in our material possessions (possession being the operative word); secondly we are not listening to ourselves, our minds, or our bodies; thirdly, most of us are addicted to our own self importance and the me, myself and I come first and you just have to fit in syndrome, and most importantly many are addicted to pretending to care in order to get what they want to fill that empty void. And so Love has lost its meaning and many try and fill that emptiness with habits and relationships that they want to believe will fill the promise of fulfilment and exemplify pleasure. But instead, they land up becoming addicted to emptiness all over again because of the lies they tell themselves and others.

The promises are empty and lie to the part of them that keeps wanting to believe the lie because the truth hurts.

The message of physical addiction faces us with the spiritual and emotional crises that humanity faces and the consequent lie that we’re ok when in truth most feel an intense lacking in their lives on a level inexplicable to human logic. All that most people want and need is the experience of the ecstasy of emotional safety despite their imperfections, acknowledgement despite their need to be dependant on each other to feel like they exist, and loved despite their truth … And it is this addiction, to perpetual emotional lies and its incongruence, that is destroying the very fabric of relationships specifically, and humanity as a whole.

Incongruent behaviour and its effects need no words.

It becomes a great possibility that the biggest addiction that

humanity needs to overcome is the addiction to deception,

feeling less than another and choices made from this point of

reference.

Suffice to say then, that the message of addiction finds its meaning in the dire need for a congruent relationship between head, heart and soul where vision will become clearer as long as the explored heart is shaped by truth and the soul is willed towards sincerity, to know not only your desires but also your hearts’ thoughts, those that are shaping your choices, actions and destiny.