Just Set a Goal and Move Forward

By

Roleen Kaplan

(MA Psychology)

Goal setting provides the if portion of the if-then formula, and self-acknowledgement is the then portion.  ‘If I reach my goal then I will acknowledge myself’ (Unknown)

Human beings have a need for constant, never-ending improvement.  And there is always something, somewhere about ourselves that we can improve on.

Most people know what they should do, yet often find themselves soothed in a comfort zone, albeit sometimes very negative to their wellbeing.

There are many valid reasons for not wanting to let go of being in a comfort zone, which is not the scope of this article. What I will say though is that the danger of choosing to stay in this zone or what I would prefer to call, mind set, without working on developing internal potential into the correct direction, is that the person or athlete in this instance, may eventually land up procrastinating, feeling bored, directionless, and reactive.  It is at this level of negative thought, where otherwise normal stressors and strains of everyday life get to feeling bigger than the person feels they can handle.  Everything starts taking on a negative shape and, sport, which should normally be the grounds for feeling a sense of worthiness, becomes a place augmenting the feeling of being a general failure.

The vicious cycle then kicks in so that the feeling of failure on the sports field reverberates back into everyday life resulting eventually in stress-induced tension, feeling lost, overwhelmed and often an enormous sense of helplessness. This negative spiral, if allowed to run its course, has the power to pull a person into feeling anxious, depressed, ill and sometimes even suicidal.     

Without detracting from other possible reasons and very real issues, this negative spiral often has its roots in one fundamental thought: I am not good enough.  And it is this negative thought that manages to weave its way into the very fabric of our lives, creating the nullifying self-fulfilling prophecy that ‘everything I do is a failure because I am a failure’.

In essence this is not true . Belief in being a failure is just that, a belief, a thought, a perception. The belief that ‘I am not good enough’, its root, is an unfounded false belief that has been given power and life only by you believing it is real and true . The result:  being stuck in focusing on what you cannot do, as opposed to focusing on what you can do, and moving forward from there.   

So let’s get back to some form of simplicity.

Four things to do to help you unstick yourself from the ‘I am not good enough syndrome’ and move forward:

1.      Focus on the things you can do.

2.      Stop blaming other people. Don’t allow yourself to blame anybody else for where you may find yourself in your life now. Look into yourself for the answers, how to take responsibility and how best to change your situation.

3.      Set realistic goals

4.      Put your goal/s into action now.

Why Goals?

Setting realistic goals allows you to re-establish structure and direction and turn distress (negative stress) into eustress.  Eustress (positive stress) allows you to strive and constantly increase the quality of your life and drive you into the direction you wish to go.  It allows you to generate enormous self-transformation, because you feel a sense of excitement and inspiration that is stimulating rather than overwhelming.

Feeling overwhelmed and distressed can often be linked back to your own self-judgements and internal harsh criticisms.  In order to inspire yourself, let go and move forward, make a point of looking at what you can do rather than at what you cannot do.  This will allow you to what I call, reframe negative self-belief systems, and old ways of thinking about yourself, into positive thoughts and how you can take that feeling of control back.

When you change how you view and think about yourself, the world around you changes too.  So set goals that you can reach, step by step.

Use a technique called S.M.A.R.T.A when setting your goals. This means that your goals should be:

·         Simple (Uncomplicated)

·         Measurable (By how much (% / value / volume) do you want to improve/ move forward?)

·         At the Edge (slightly out of your comfort zone)

·         Realistic (Within reach, sensible)

·         Time Bound (By when would you like to achieve this goal.  Set a date)

·         Attainable (Manageable to suit who you are and your capabilities at that point in time)

Question Box 1        What are the things you can do? 2        Do you have a goal/s so that you can reach those things? 3        Are they S.M.A.R.T.A goals?  Are they meaningful to you experiencing your own value? 4        Is the goal you set your own choice expressing you in who you are and what you feel you can become? 5        If not, who set your goal for you? and why did you allow yourself to give that person so much power to choose what life you should be leading? 6        What do you think is preventing you from achieving your goals if this is the case? 7        What is driving you to achieve the goals/s you have set? 8        What will make you follow-through to reach your goal/s?  9        What will you have to change in you / let go of / acquire in order for you to move forward? 10    What will you gain by achieving this / these goals?