This is not science fiction but an actual headline from today's news with possible End of World implications.

SPECIAL EDITION…URGENT!

Hinkly Dinkly Reporting!

Headlines, previously seen only as fictionalized “Hooks” by rag grocery tabloids and hypothesized by idiots, now thrust a violent dagger at our very existence.
Take a look at TODAY’S NEWS…

“NASA DETECTS 'TOTALLY NEW' MYSTERY EXPLOSION NEARBY”

“Astronomers have detected a new type of cosmic outburst that they can't yet explain. The event was very close to our galaxy, they said.”

You MUST be able to read between the lines. Allow me to illustrate…
NASA…validates validity of the article.
TOTALLY NEW…indicates it has been hidden “all these years”.
MYSTERY EXPLOSION…Any explosion in SPACE is bad! The mystery indicates an unfamiliarity with the explosive. It may be something as simple as a really big stick of dynamite, or possibly some alien culture has tested an Atom Bomb of some sort?
NEARBY…suggests that if my above hypothesis proves genuine…we could be in trouble?

“It was spotted by NASA's Swift telescope and is being monitored by other telescopes around the world as scientists wait to see what will happen.”

If you have a backyard telescope…look to the skies and call NASA immediately on their private unlisted line with all unusual activity. Be sure you are using a clean lens…don’t call in any giant bugs.

“The event, detected Feb. 18, looks something like a gamma-ray burst (GRB), scientists said. But it is much closer—about 440 million light-years away—than others. And it lasted about 33 minutes. Most GRBs are billions of light-years away and last less than a second or just a few seconds.”

Gamma Ray Burst? They have Gamma Rays?
This is worse than I thought! How do we defend ourselves from Gamma Rays?
If this leaks out our stores will be running out of aluminum foil.

By the way…If the event was detected Feb. 18 why was it kept secret until now? Also, why has no one from NASA given their names?…everything is “they said.”

“Astronomers don't fully understand gamma-ray bursts (GRBs). But they theorize that when one is pointed our way, it appears brighter than when the beams it produces shoot off in other directions.”

Now who is the Rogue Scholar that figured that out? Do you suppose he tested his theory with a flashlight? Now we know why they’re not giving their names.

“Italian researchers using the European Southern Observatory's Very Large Telescope in Chile found signs in the event's optical afterglow that it may become a supernova.

Very Large Telescope? Can’t the Italians think of a name? How about The Linguine…or The Noodle?

IT MAY BECOME A SUPERNOVA…No need to read between the lines here. A Super Nova confirms their weapons are far superior to ours and a confrontation would be similar to the annihilation portrayed in “Independence Day”…only this one we would lose.

I phoned Professor Penwose with the news and he suggested the explosion may be due to their clumsiness and offered an alternative scenario that they may have blown themselves up?

I say, “Why take a chance?”
My advice is to get off the planet as quickly as possible. Try to be calm and don’t cause a panic. We don’t want the skies jammed up with idiots. The nearest stop-off is the Moon but it may not be far enough away…go for Uranus!

Good Luck…and Good Flying!

Hinkly Out!
By George

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Update:
Time is running out! THAT WAS OLD NEWS!
The above message was previously released on February 15 2006…(for the mathematically challenged that was several months ago), a fleeting moment in Space Time but an eternity to those fleeing annihilation by an alien civilization with diabolical weaponry.

There have been no new explosions since, which could only mean they have developed stealth characteristics capable of cloaking themselves as though invisible. They may be on our very doorstep.

Don’t delay…Take my advice…Get off the planet as quickly as possible!
Save yourselves…Save humanity!

Survival tip…Take the shortcut past the moon, around Mars, then straight through the Milky Way. Remembering that, in Space the North Star is not north.

Hinkly Out!
By George