Dentistry does not have to be painless!

Good Day,

As many of you may not know, I am a dentist.
Yes, I’ve taken several correspondence courses and have a degree in Correspondence…with a minor in dentistry.

As you can imagine I was overjoyed to open my first office in a fine modern complex…but was thrown out after two days because they had not fulfilled their quota of Indians, (Do they call people from India, Indians?) Now the complex is a sleazy motel.

All of my valuable equipment, including mechanical chairs that went up and down, spotlights with tanning bulbs, waterhoses and spittoons, was ravaged by termites. I was able to salvage my drills, but the cables are frayed badly and the motor throws sparks…but they still work!

I was on the brink of something bad and needed to turn things around.

As I was taking a leak one day, a wino, who happened to be in the alley, suggested the Internet. A dynamic musical note echoed through the alley and a bright light glared before me. My first thought was that my sound track had returned and my life would be good again, but then I remember wondering what a bus was doing in the alley?

I regained consciousness within a reasonable amount of time with tread marks on my chest and still in the alley. I asked the wino why he hadn’t called an ambulance? He said he did…and they came…but when they found out I had no medical insurance they left me and took a dog.

When I fully regained my faculties I realized I was a different person. I seemed revitalized, invigorated, fortified! I kicked a box and my foot went through the wet cardboard as though it was butter…I had Super Strength!
The wino suggested I lift a car that was on his dead friend so he could get his wallet. I grabbed the bumper and gave a mighty yank.

OH My God! I was flat on my back with a slipped disc, or a broken vertibone, or whatever they’re called? We didn’t do backs in dental school.

I was wrenched in pain and knew I would soon pass out. I yelled to the wino, “Tell the ambulance I have Teamsters Health and Welfare…and stay away from my wallet!”

This time I woke up in a hospital! Teamsters take good care of ya!

The bed seemed rather small and I tried to change my position but I appeared to be taped down. I summoned a nurse. When she arrived I told her I was trying to get to sleep but was awakened by the barking of a dog?

“What ignorant person brings a dog to a hospital?” I asked.

“Everyone who comes here!” she replied with a smile, “unless they have a cat.”

“Huh?”

“You’re a Teamster, Right? Aren’t you used to being treated like a dog? This is a Veterinary Clinic.”

“A VETERINARY CLINIC! I don’t believe it…They put me in a CLINIC?”

“Relax Sir…or we’ll have to put you to sleep.”

Whoa! I knew what that meant!

I’m fully recovered now but walk with a hump. My thoughts are just what exactly I started writing about? Oh. Yes, my Dental Plan!

Here it is…
After recruitment of new patients I will send each an Internet ready dental package complete with an easy installation program.

The kit will consist of all things necessary for dental surgery up to and including high speed drills, fillings, extractors, crowns, fluoride treatments, chisels, gas, and anything not previously mentioned.

The patient must have a computer with Internet capabilities, several USB ports, and a camera mounted above the monitor.

All instruments in the kit will have USB cables. The patient merely plugs in the necessary tools, sits before the camera, and I work on them from the comfort of my own home with the security of knowing their credit cards have already been charged.

This is virtually a brand new dental procedure that I am pioneering with substantially no drawbacks. Sanitation is the responsibility of the patient. If they don’t clean their house it’s not my fault.

When emergencies occur as they sometimes do with ANY surgical procedure…I merely sever the Internet connection and remove all evidence from my hard drive.

My dental education has opened many doors for me and provided me with valuable skills and knowledge, but the most important thing ever learned by any medical student is how to get around malpractice. This Home Dental Plan does that impeccably!

Patient Recruiting is now open for a limited time.
Care to sign up?

Cheers,
By George