Past News of the Future!

Hinkly Dinkly Reporting!

NEWS OF THE FUTURE

Today’s headlines convey past news of the future.
You heard me right…News that has already happened in the future, but hasn’t happened here yet.

Obviously this deals with delicate subject matter and should not be viewed by those lacking good mental health and those about to lose their minds.
NEWS OF THE FUTURE publishes a full list of future mental patients on page 23. If you see your name…read no further.
If you do not see your name…you should wonder why you looked?

Professor Penwose has informed me that his “future entity” decided to make a clone of himself and use it for menial labor.
Somehow the tables turned and the clone has become the master.

The Professor has tried everything to overthrow this apparent bully, but since it is his own clone it knows every move he is about to make.

Doctor Swigman Fwad advised negotiating with it and offer to cut back the chores to 50/50, but the clone returned an evil glare that Doctor Fwad was surprised to see coming from Penwose.

“That’s not Me!” Penwose blurted out in defense, “It seems my clone is more my evil-side than my good-side.”

Swigman Fwad touching on the inner sanctum of the mind said that it is better to live with the adversity than to perish in the attempt to overthrow it.
In lawman’s terms, there’s nothing Penwose can do.

Sadly, he is not alone.
The almost defunct Walmart Super Stores have merged with Ford Motor Company, who never quite made the transition from automobiles, and created a giant Mega-Center where cheap clones are sold right off the assembly lines.
Thousands of unsuspecting gentlemen throughout the Earth have become slaves to their very own clones.

Professor Penwose showed hands that were ravaged with cuts, bruises, splinters, bumps, and blisters.

“Look at that…I actually have dirt under me fingernails!
Me…an educated man with dirt under me fingernails!”

“Relax Man!” said Doctor Fwad, “You’re starting to talk like a bloody English peasant!”

“Oh No…I just broke a nail!”

That was the camel that broke the trees twig!

Apparently Penwose was at the limits of his capacity to endure, for he suddenly snapped, grabbed a butter knife, and said he was going to shoot the clone.

“Don’t be a fool Penwose! Think of the implications. You will become the first man in history to go to the guillotine for killing yourself.”

“The guillotine?”

“Yes, remember we brought it back to reduce the risk of dirty needles or smelly gas?”

“Oh Yeah…I forgot about that…Nevermind!”

Present day Penwose instills a warning from the future. Do not use clones! They will take over mankind!

“I must ask you, Swigman,” said Penwose off the record, “Is it possible to change the future? Or are we destined to become slaves of our clones?”

“Theoretically the future has not happened yet, so anything can be changed…however we know precisely what will happen in the future so regardless of what we do to change it the outcome will be the same…unless, through hypnosis, we obliterate all news of the future and curtail cloning research.”

“Do you think that is possible?”

“Of course Penwose! On Earth anything is possible!”

“Anything?”

“Yes, anything!”

“How about if we still create the clones, but have it so THEY do all the work as originally intended?”

“That would be risky.”

“A risk I am willing to take!”

“Remember the words of a wise man who once said, “He that forgeteth the future is doomed to live it over and over!”

In summary this reporter must look at what transpired and evaluate the information, giving no opinions but deducing a determination of the facts.

FACT…
We seem to have found ourselves where we started…sitting in front of our computers.

FACT…
There is no apparent research transpiring in the area of human cloning.

FACT…
We really don’t know what’s going on?

Probability…
We were all subjected to a secret form of mass hypnosis and all evidence of cloning was erased from our minds.

ACTUALITY…
Fortunately this is very easy to prove. Sit back and relax. Close your eyes and think deeply. Do you see any signs at all of cloning in the future?
If not…the hypnosis was apparently successful!

Hinkly Out!
By George