Part Two

The twenty dollar find was clearly a sign that the New Millennium would be fruitful but I also realized I had to conceal it before it was pilfered by some California migrant worker picker…know what I mean?

Yes the New Millennium would be mine! Why not, the last one surely wasn’t. Up until 1947 I spent my days dead, waiting to be born. After that the first few years I screamed most of the time and shit on myself. Little has changed since then, I still scream a lot however now I’m crapped on by life itself!

I find it hard to imagine I did nothing for all those previous years. Surely I must have existed in a prior life?

I remember a question asked by my employer in those days, “Have you any previous experience?” – which I swiftly replied, “That is a trick question, Sir! I happen to know that ALL experience is previous.”

He made a shallow attempt to appear unimpressed while I had a strange feeling there was more to my previous experience than I realized.

I looked down at the twenty-dollar bill and decided to put it to good use and soon found myself in a section of town thriving with high-class reputable low-key fortunetellers. I rang the bell of the first that caught my eye.

I realize the profession is reeking with charlatans and fancy myself quite the spotter of these parasites who prey on pitiful wretches less worldly than myself. When I heard the familiar greeting, “Who’s there?” I knew she was a fraud and moved on.

Similar responses soon left me standing before the last house on the left. I decide to just walk in. She was seated at a table and beckoned me to sit down, “I knew you were coming!” she said.

I was marveled by her manor and felt I had finally come to the right place. However my emotions were mixed as I wondered why she only had one plate of spaghetti? She ate like a true Gypsy and I almost handed over the twenty to get her to stop.

The crystal ball on the table was full of fish. Her Ouija Board was being used by a bearded fellow on the phone betting on a horse, and several men in another room were playing poker with her Tarot cards.
She quickly grabbed my hand and said, ”Do not worry, I can read your palm.”

I looked at her as she smiled and saw linguine where her teeth should have been. I wanted to leave but she had my hand, what could I do?

She spoke broken English with a German accent and Spanish overtones that complemented her Polish background as marinara sauce and bits of pasta dribbled from her lips.
“Count your fingers and toes from left to right and then from right to left, and do it all again in reverse order, then alternate between fingers and toes and count backwards intermittently. Then turn upside down and do it again. If you come up with the same answer each time you will have lived previously.”

I was amazed at how she even knew why I was there?

“If you come up with different answers, you have different previous lives.”

I started to count my toes but she said to do it later. She looked at my palm and made a magic sign, she said what I need was, “To get a life!”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Imma notta joking! Your Life Line isa too short – you should be dead already”

I flexed my hand a little creating a wrinkle that extended my life thirty years.

She smiled and said, “Your Love Line isa even worser – you love somebody who don’t love you – and that’sa nota gonna change with a cheap wrinkle trick.”

She was wise!

I went home and counted my toes and fingers like she said. The answer is always different so I know I’ve lived multiply lives.

I tried several types of hypnosis to search the inner sanctums of my mind and reveal the many lives I may have lived however each and every time I start to recant my tales they wake me looking terrified and say they’re going to need a lot more money before they continue.

I don’t know where all of this is leading me but I do know that this is My Millennium!

By George