Professor Penwose with another of his somewhat familiar, and highly impersonated, annual Holiday Fireplace Confabulations.

For proper effects you may want to light up a fire and snuggle with a hot-buttered rum as you read his words.

Good evening,

Gift giving has always been one of my most favorable holidays of the year. Under the guise of Christmas it is a bustling time of haberdashery dashering and mall merriment.

I love to see all the smiling little faces as they open their gifts and try to act like it was just what they wanted while all the time thinking, “What the heck is this?”
Editor’s note: Definitely the potential for numerous humorous Kodak moments, so always keep camera at the ready.

I would like to comment on giving money as a gift.

Without a doubt it is the worst thing you can possibly do. Surveys indicate it is the gift most frequently exchanged…A whopping 100%. Nothing else comes close.

Furthermore it is ALWAYS the wrong size. Oh sure they may thank you and say “You shouldn’t have” etc. yet all the while wishing it were larger.
I once gave fifty dollars to a girlfriend and she said, “Boy!...are you cheap!"
You just can’t please people with money.

Money is filthy!…always wear gloves…or at least mittens!

A good holiday rule of thumb…give a man a dollar and he will toast to your health…give him a case of booze and he’ll drink for a month!

Just remember, if you want to give a gift that your loved ones will not exchange…don’t give money!

I’m sure there are folks who will disagree. Some say “You can’t put a price on money.”

Maybe they are right?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Penwose out!
By George
2006