Be careful my friends – devious minds are at work.

Now that the cold harsh frigid days of winter are upon us I’m sure a lot of you are nestling down with a nice bowl of soup to warm the cockles of your hearts, as well as frozen bones, at various times throughout the day.

In one of life’s most amazing paradoxical contradictions we find that, although the greatest chef’s of the world are men, very few men like to cook.

I being of the majority and living alone, (not by choice), see no reason for a stove other than counter space for important papers and other miscellaneous kitchen gadgets not related to food preparation. Being the tightwad that I am I’ve even shut off the pilot light to save an exorbitant amount of money which will add up to quite a substantial amount over the days of my life I should think.

The microwave oven is the lifeline for every modern day man living a nag free existence. In this area of appliances I will spare no expense. My microwave is a whopping 15,000 watts of pure unadulterated power that melts steal and drains all other circuits creating total darkness in my home when I engage the start button. My food is ready before the TV warms up!

Every dish that I own is microwavable!

Every morsel of food I buy is microwavable!

An alarming situation has come to light.

Lately I have started enjoying an occasional bowl of soup, which I find as a pleasant deviation from concoctions in cardboard containers. They heat up splendidly and taste magnificent in a variety of healthy choices. My favorite soup has long been New England Clam Chowder of which I procured several cans.

I tend to prefer the Chunky varieties over thinner stocks and started with a bowl of Chunky Sirloin Burger. Oh! – What a treat! Chicken With Egg Noodles was equally enjoyable and I looked forward to my pièce de ré·sis·tance…the Chunky Clam Chowder.

Throughout the day I envisioned my meal and looked forward to a feast of chowder fare. I even dusted and washed my favorite bowl that my ex-wife threw at me the day she left which is only used for other special occasions. This would not be a meal, it would be a banquet!

The other soups took three minutes so I set the timer accordingly and waited in the dark while watching a Green Acres rerun on my 62 inch giant screen remote controlled battery operated high definition cable AND dish television.

After about a minute I heard a boom that was not consistent with a farm in Hooterville? I chocked it off as imagination, but heard another a few moments later. I listened intently and heard a louder BOOM that seemed to be coming from the microwave.

Fortunately a commercial interrupted the show and I was able to rush to see what was happening.

I turned off the microwave and opened the door. Soup was all over the place! I had it covered with a food container and that was blown off. It was a mess. My Clam Chowder had exploded.

Well, I knew it was done. Sure enough it was nice and hot so I sat down and ate it while watching Oliver Douglas eat hard hot cakes. Ha! Who says married guys eat better!

The moral of the story is…be careful. There are explosives in Clam Chowder.

True Story!

By George