INT'L SPACE STATION TICKET PRICE CLIMBS

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. - When it comes to complaining about poor exchange rates for the U.S. dollar, American tourists traveling to Europe have nothing on tourists headed into space. The cost of flying to the international space station aboard a Russian Soyuz spaceship has increased from $25 million earlier this year to $30 million. Trips planned in 2008 and 2009 will cost $40 million.

Editor’s note: Critics say the money would be better spent sending a billion kids to Disneyland, but are we really talking about people who care about anything but themselves?

"It's mostly because of the fallen dollar," Eric Anderson, president and CEO of Space Adventures, said Wednesday. His company brokers the trips with Russia's space agency.

Prospective space tourists must put down a 20 percent deposit, pass physical examinations and later undergo training at a Russian space facility.

Pardon the obvious pun, but this reporter detects many “Red Flags” with this latest news via the Kremlin!

First of all, I see no mention of “round trip”?
It says “To” the space station.

If you’ve learned nothing by reading my column, (And you probably have), at least you should recognize that you must be able to read between the lines. It seems only logical to assume they would charge even more for the return trip. I mean we are talking about Russians right?

There was also no mention of Classes? I should hate to think travelers would pay 40 million dollars to be treated like peasants.

How many suitcases are allowed and how many carryons? Can you bring your doggie?

What will they be charging for earphones?

The following is not for the squeamish.

Rumors have it that space shuttles have no “Facilities”. Once again it would be logical to assume potties are crude at best. I mean we are talking about Russians right? The above-mentioned training at a Russian space facility is obviously meant to teach passengers to “hold it”.
Editor’s note: For those who customarily “Go before they leave” please remember the average countdown before lift-off is twelve hours.

Russian shuttles feature no free meals. Passengers are expected to do harsh labor quotas for minimal food rations.

These and many other questions will be answered soon. I’ve recently applied for a position as a Soviet Space Shuttle Flight Attendant.
If I don’t get the job, I have coupons.
If that doesn’t work, I’ll use my Press Card. Either way I’ll be there for YOU!

I’ve already considered the language problem. When I was a small lad, my next door neighbors were from Russia. Their language sounded almost like English but with an accent. To refresh my memory I rented “The Russians Are Coming, The Russians Are Coming”. Sure enough those Russian sailors sounded the same…English with an accent,
“Emergency! Everybody to run from street!”

Editor’s note: Did you notice how quickly I typed that title?
I cheated!
I highlighted the first half, then copied and pasted it.
Maybe you’d like to try that sometime!

By George