I'm falling apart

My world seems to be unraveling, literally right before my very eyes.
Last night I was perfectly content. Now I’m over indulged with High Anxiety…all because of television, or to be more specific, commercials.

A new one popped up. Some woman, who they claim was not a medical person, lawyer, or dentist, but merely an actor portraying a part, was making a statement. I didn’t really see where she was much of an actor as she monotonally read the teleprompter, but who/whom am I to judge?

She stated that the weed killing agent RoundUp was known to cause several kinds of cancer and suggested that anybody who had congested cancer after using RoundUp should contact her contingent of lawyers, of which she was no part, to get aboard on a class action lawsuit against Roundup to be compensated for medical bills, pain and suffering, lost wages, lost weight, lost hair, and death benefits.

I SPRAYED WEEDS WITH ROUNDUP YESTERDAY!

I resolved to not let it worry me.

The very next commercial involved Baby Powder. They said Johnson & Johnson Baby Powder has been known to cause cancer and suggested anybody who had developed cancer after using Baby Powder regularly should contact them to get in on their lawsuit against Johnson & Johnson.

I’M SURE MY MOTHER USED BABY POWDER ON ME REGULARLY WHEN I WAS A BABY!

I quit watching commercials. However, I soon got exhausted from flicking channels and resumed the commercial regimen. As luck would have it the first up after my hiatus was a disclosure of Hip Replacements becoming faulty, falling apart, causing pain and other uncomfortabilities. They suggested getting into their class action suit against Hip Replacements.

I HAD A HIP REPLACEMENT IN 2010.

So now as I sit here waiting for cancer to strike me in numerous different ways and wondering when my hip is going to fall apart, I must try not to think of Global Warming, The Economy, Space Invaders, The Wall, The Deficit, or other worldly things, and think only of myself.
Bye George