I enjoy these cute little Fireside Chats

2 SEP 2018
Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi
Good evening,

I enjoy these cute little Fireside Chats immensely and hope you do as well. What started as an occasional bit of wit has turned into almost a daily thing. It has been pointed out to me that various alterations need to be made if we are to continue as, “The Best of George.”

My publisher reminds me of a little known worldly fact that is highly common knowledge in the dominion of Cartooning Art and Design.
A former colleague of mine saved literally tons of pounds in ink by giving his famous mouse only four fingers instead of five.

I had always found this particularity misleading as real mice have only four fingers. They seem to have been comparing that cartoon mouse to people, which he is not, instead of mice, which he is.

FYI. Do not read this if you do not want to learn something.
Real mice have four fingers on their two front hands, and five toes on their two back feet, providing of course they never encountered traps or cats. Do not ask me how I know this.

In any event I will go along with the misguided divulgence of pounds saved with the four fickle finger feasibility. With that in mind I shutter to think of the fortune my poor colleague would have amassed had he given Mickey three fingers instead of four.

Wonder of wonders!
I decided to take a break and do my daily stroll. This is very relaxing and sometimes my mind bursts with ideas. Today spewed in Spades!

As I was high stepping through the heather there suddenly appeared before me a dead mouse along the roadside. I found this quite a coincidence considering my current subject matter, as well as a flagrant opportunity to verify what I had just found out about mouse fingers.

As I bent down to get a look at it a fellow came by and asked what I was doing.
“Looking at a dead mouse.”
A lady came by and asked, “Are ya sure it’s not just sleeping?”
“I don’t know?”
“Me Aunt Myrtle woke a mouse once and it bit her big toe. Now she can’t get shoes to fit.”
“Why do you want to look at it?” asked the fellow.
“I want to see how many fingers it has.”
“Why?”
“I’m writing an article about Mickey Mouse?”
“Mickey Mouse?”
“Yes, Mickey Mouse.”
“Mickey Mouse has four fingers.”
“Yes I know.”
“Then why ya lookin?”

A strange fellow came through peddling a bicycle. On his hat was a sign that stated Rat Catcher. We flagged him down and asked if he also did mice.
“Ah…I suppose.”
“Can you have a look at this one?”
He looks…“That’s a dead one! I don’t do dead ones.”
“What do you do with them?”
“I kill them.”
I asked, “Can you tell me how many fingers it has?”
He went to the mouse and raised it in the air hanging by its tale, “See there! Four fingers on each hand in the front, and four toes on each foot in the back.”
The lady added, “Well, regardless how many fingers, the second mouse always gets the cheese.”
“True it is,” said the rat catcher, “That is why you always put two traps.”

So now we know firsthand that mice have four fingers, and nothing was saved by giving Mickey four which is what he should have had. The reverse being the opposite, if Mickey would have been drawn with five fingers, the tons of pounds previously thought of as saved would have in fact been a disaster and the happy land that came from it may never have happened.

The point being. I can save a lot of money by discontinuing the line, “Good evening.”
It has come to be redundant and not suitable for those who choose to read the articles during breakfast or afternoon tea. And I would not start with, “Good night,” for fear you may think I was finished before I began.

Without further adieu, I will say that from this moment forward the “Good Evening,” greeting will be unexpressed but understood.

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8